ICE Nazi Barbie Announces Halloween Terror Measures
Is the masked Nazi just pretending or is Mommy going to a concentration camp? Ha ha! It is a Kristi Noem surprise! BOO!
Yesterday, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker did a little experiment to see if there was one righteous or holy cell in DHS Nazi Kristi Noem’s body, or in CBP Nazi Greg Bovino’s body, or anywhere else in the regime, by asking: Could you fucking bastards possibly consider a temporary ceasefire in Chicago so children can enjoy Halloween?
“Let children be children,” he wrote. “No child should be forced to inhale tear gas or other chemical agents while trick or treating in their own neighborhood,” like some kind of godless woke who doesn’t even like sucking Nazi cock. (Because that literally happened at a Halloween parade in Irving Park in Chicago.)
His letter continued:
“Illinois children should not be robbed of their innocence. Let them enjoy a time-honored American tradition safely and peacefully,” Pritzker wrote in the letter. “Please let children be children for one holiday, free from intimidation and fear.”
Something tells us he knew what the response would be, since he literally said during a press conference yesterday, “I think their response will be revealing.” He asked them to “show us this is about something other than you just causing mayhem on our streets and visiting cruelty upon our people.” He dared them to prove we’ve got them all wrong.
Tell us what fucking monsters hiding under the bed you literally are, so that we may warn our children.
And they did.
ICE Nazi Barbie slithered out of her Botox doctor’s office or Corey Lewandowski’s house or wherever the fuck she was to respond directly to Pritzker:
“We’re absolutely not willing to put on pause any work that we will do to keep communities safe,” Noem said at a news conference in Gary, Indiana, on Thursday. “The fact that Gov. Pritzker is asking for that is shameful and, I think, unfortunate that he doesn’t recognize how important the work is that we do to make sure we’re bringing criminals to justice and getting them off our streets, especially when we’re going to send all of our kiddos out on the streets and going to events and enjoying the holiday season.”
So … you got that? Pritzker asked her to stop hurting little kids, and she said no. In fact, like a typical abuser, she essentially insisted it was for their own good. And we all know when she said “all of our kiddos,” she meant white kiddos.
Or as Pritzker put it:
And that’s why we call them fucking Nazis.
In response to Pritzker’s letter, Tricia McLaughlin, ICE Nazi Skipper to Noem’s ICE Nazi Barbie, bellyached that Pritzker is “going out of his way to smear the law enforcement officers of DHS” (so mean to Nazis) and said he “is pushing a false narrative that DHS is targeting schools, hospitals, and churches,” just because their specific DHS guidance says they can do that.
She said some other shit too, but it was some whining, lying fucking bullshit and you don’t want to read it.
So hey kids, happy Halloween! Are you ready for the most fun Halloween ever? Maybe you’ll get tear-gassed, maybe you won’t! Maybe the men in costumes are just bein’ silly, maybe they’re terrorists, kidnappers, and probably rapists! Who knows! Anybody can put on a mask and say they’re the government these days, after all! And if you’re lucky, they might scoop you and your brothers and sisters into their van and take you to the coolest haunted house ever! Yep, you get to go to a place with lots of other kids and everybody is legitimately scared and the guards really do hurt people and sometimes they take people away screaming and they don’t come back!
SPOOOOOOKY!
And then maybe while you’re in the “haunted house” Border Nazi Greg Bovino will appear at your garage door soaking wet in the rain and he’ll try to make out with your dad! Oops wait that’s not Greg Bovino, that’s the next-door neighbor from American Beauty. We are always mixing those two up.
In related news, L.A. TACO attempted to get answers from the Department of Homeland Security on whether federal Gestapo agents are wearing literal horror masks on raids, after activists observed them doing exactly that in California and took pictures of it.
This is the response they got:
The following comment from Tricia McLaughlin, Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security for Public Affairs, was received in response by L.A. TACO:
“Happy Halloween!”
There is not one righteous soul among them.
[NBC Chicago / NBC News / L.A. TACO]
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
You mean the lady who bragged about shooting her dog is a heartless bitch? Go figure.
Dress up as ICE agents for Halloween. Let confusion reign.