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Zyxomma's avatar

It's cozy in the pied-à-nuage, the split peas are soaking for tomorrow's adventures in soup, we've had our pumpkin pie, and I'm going to join my adorable and adored husband between the flannel sheets. Good night, beloved Wonketteers. I love and appreciate you all and I bless us all with love, health, peace, and grace. Be kind, especially to yourself and please stay safe.

Slava Ukraini. 🌻🇺🇦💙💛

I couldn't post this last night because of Substack maintenance, but it's still here so here goes.

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The Wanderer's avatar

A bit of my current story in progress, scheduled to be posted on New Year's Eve.

_____________________________

'Fuck My Life' segued into 'Pie Filling' by Ryan’s Birthday, and the trio hit the dance floor to join a mass of furs in a chaotic mix of bumping and grinding. Lily seesawed between her two lovers, rubbing her breasts against Ruby’s while grinding her ass against Slim’s crotch amid the writhing mass of bodies. Stray paws were everywhere as the song spoke obliquely of a fur’s prowess in his baking.

At least, that’s what the lyrics claimed when they referred to “cream pies,” according to the band’s songwriter.

'Pie Filling' went off, and in the brief silence before the next song in Cindy’s playlist started ears perked as someone shouted from the orgy room, “C’mon! You can fuck me harder th – YES!” The resulting laughter almost drowned out the opening bars of Manic Piano Asshat’s 'Stop My Heart.' A slower song than the previous one, it encouraged the dancers to get closer and more provocative in their motions.

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Trump University Graduate's avatar

Is that you, Thomas Pynchon?

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The Wanderer's avatar

LOL

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WokeGrandma's avatar

Your post is disgusting. What are you even doing being on Wonkette?

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FukuiSanYesOta's avatar

Hey, that's weak sauce. It didn't even have lamprey snowballing in it.

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Chicken ate my Ballot's avatar

Excuse me, The Wanderer has been here forever

A lot of people enjoy his writings.

… and I don’t know you

If you were troubled by a post like this, you can either collapse the post by hitting the gray bar or scroll over it.

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WokeGrandma's avatar

OK, good to know. I'm not "troubled" by the post. I just prefer to read incisive or witty comments here. Back in the day, Wonkette was primarily a politically liberal website, not a forum for people advertising their new, not-very-good fiction.

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Bill Door's avatar

“Old lady judges watch people in pairs

Limited in sex, they dare

To push fake morals, insult and stare

While money doesn't talk, it swears

Obscenity, who really cares

Propaganda, all is phony.”

--Dylan

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Boys will be boys ... amirite?

𝘍𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘤𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘱 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘔𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘛𝘝 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 (𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴). 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦’𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘺 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗟𝗶𝘇 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗹

It's not about her at all.

https://www.publicnotice.co/p/liz-cheney-trump-loudermilk-january-6-report?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=501423&post_id=153337251&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=3i9ct&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

Happy Friyay and payday!

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GEM's avatar

Mine is next Friday. I will also get a share of tips from customers over the holiday shopping season.

Off to see family today 170 miles away..It's snowing on the passes I have to navigate but I have snow tires on a Subaru.

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The Wanderer's avatar

Huzzah!

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

I wonder which vendor technology this was?

𝗧𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳𝗹𝘆 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗶𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗨𝗦

Unspecified "vendor technology" to blame for hour-long stop order

https://www.theregister.com/2024/12/24/american_airlines_grounds/

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

My down stairs neighbor doesn't work, but he goes somewhere every morning at the stroke of 5:30. Any speculation about where he goes? I think either dialysis or methadone, but are those things open this early? And dialysis isn't every day, is it?

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Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

Coffee shop. That can be a social hub. I used to do that on days off, just hang out with friends.

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Bobathonic's avatar

That seems early, and I think you're right about dialysis. (Didn't bin Laden need that?)

Maybe he hangs out at a local diner. The diners I visit all have morning regulars (I try to keep it down to 1 or 2 times a week, myself).

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Perhaps he's religious and is in the habit of making his devotions every AM.

I used to know a few people who got up and went to mass EVERY morning. But I also knew of individuals who maintained a similar constant daily vigil just sitting in a local iconic donut shop.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

Doubtful, dude's a serious drinker. Sometimes the family yells at him he's too drunk to drive when he leaves.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Then it sounds as if he's a regular at a local drinking establishment. I had regulars who came in every morning and sat at the bar virtually ALL day long.

Their lives revolved around holding down a barstool all day.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

𝗘𝗹𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗸’𝘀 𝗷𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝟯𝟱𝟱 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰, 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝟯𝟭 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗿-𝗮-𝗟𝗮𝗴𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗮

https://techcrunch.com/2024/12/26/elon-musks-jets-made-355-trips-in-2024-including-31-to-or-from-the-mar-a-lago-area/

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Anonymous Venezuelan's avatar

I'm counting on being extra wealthy one day, and I don't want to be burdened by taxes.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

He's a big old piece of shit.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

the year in review

𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗔𝗜 𝗱𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘇𝘆

What do eating rocks, rat genitals, and Willy Wonka have in common? AI, of course.

https://arstechnica.com/ai/2024/12/2024-the-year-ai-drove-everyone-crazy/

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Bradthe🤖's avatar

The Will Smith eating spaghetti.. how did I miss that when it went viral?

https://www.reddit.com/r/StableDiffusion/comments/1244h2c/will_smith_eating_spaghetti/?rdt=35491

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

My ex-husband was ahead of the curve, he lost his mind and turned into an AI DYOR guy in 2023.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

‪Larry the Cat‬ ‪@number10cat.bsky.social

https://bsky.app/profile/number10cat.bsky.social/post/3lealabsc2c2e

A quick peruse of the hellscape formally known as Twitter tells me that in the UK the two right wing political parties are attacking each other and in the US different factions of Trump acolytes are attacking each other. Personally, I'm attacking a cheeseboard. Merry Christmas!

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tek's avatar

I am 100% in the "let them fight" camp.

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Khavrinen's avatar

Just wish they weren't so incompetent at that, too.

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The Wanderer's avatar

Larry the Cat, living his best life.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

Well, my little dog who has trouble seeing in the dark got himself a new set of stairs last night and he is just thrilled! I showed him how to use them three times and he ran all around the bed with excitement each time, then during the night, he did NOT tap tap tap all around the edge of the bed for me to pick him up, he climbed his stairs and got right back in the bed. Pets are such pains in the ass.

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Shocktreatment's avatar

I miss those aches in my ass, when I don't feel 'em...

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The Wanderer's avatar

But they're adorable at times.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

More often than not.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘬 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘎𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘌𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺, 𝘰𝘳 𝘋𝘖𝘎𝘌 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵, 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘺. 𝘐𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘋𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘴’𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘢𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘬’𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳.

𝗘𝗹𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗸’𝘀 𝗚𝗼-𝗧𝗼 𝗖𝗼𝘀𝘁-𝗖𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝘀 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗗𝗢𝗚𝗘

From yogurt store operator to tunneling executive, longtime Musk employee Steve Davis is bringing his unusual talents to the government.

https://archive.ph/4MxFN [Fuckin' Bloomberg]

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Bobathonic's avatar

Short version: The Stupids are coming.

They should say so.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

You mean the man who destroyed an operating business, blows up rockets, and has declining car sales ISN'T the best man for the job? Who would have imagined?!

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tek's avatar

"move fast and break things" .. and then leave 'em broken.

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Shocktreatment's avatar

...𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴...

"So 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 if our flagship product keeps bricking or catching fire or both? Recalls cost less than doing it right, the way 𝘸𝘦 do 'em..."

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Bobathonic's avatar

What, no twin named Elbammalfni?

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The Wanderer's avatar

LOL

One of them's enough. He lives in the furnace and keeps the pilot light lit.

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The Wanderer's avatar

See? I can commission nice stuff. It doesn't all have to be adult.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

I look at all your posts! There's lots of cute stuff!

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The Wanderer's avatar

Yeah, I admit it.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I sort of napped a bit so I can say that I slept. I'm just glad I finally got paul to put down the adult beverage and finally get himself to bed. It's not good for him to be up all night bending his elbow and staring into the monitor.

Now I'm just trying to ignore the news.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

“𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘺, ‘𝘙𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵. 𝘙𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘌𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬-𝘢𝘯𝘥-𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭.’ 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦,” 𝘐𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥.

𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝗨𝗦 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗰𝗮𝗹𝘆𝗽𝘀𝗲

Availability of outdoor shopping centre space is at its lowest in nearly two decades

https://archive.ph/EqidQ [Financial Times]

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Shocktreatment's avatar

Welp, another thing is that, if I have a question about a product, I don't have to carve out a portion of my day to make a disproportionately frustrating phone call to Obscene Megalith Inc. for wrong or incomplete answers...

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Capitalism continues to thrive while some greedheads piss, whine and moan anyway.

Same as it ever was.

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tek's avatar

Y'know, it might be good that they aren't building new retail space as fast as they can...

though driving around south FL, it is looking like they have their foot back on the gas.

.

I'm betting retail is going to be overbuilt again in a couple years.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

All of the PUDs will go the way off malls in my life time, I expect.

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tek's avatar

there's this little gem:

𝑇𝑟𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡 ℎ𝑢𝑏𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑠.

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

The absolute best part of the holidays this year was ordering online and picking up. No shopping at all in stores, just grab and go.

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tek's avatar

I bought one gift for ms in a brick-and-mortar store..

The big "gift" (the new cooktop) was bought at the local appliance store.. so the vast majority of my holiday spending was "shop local"..

though putting that in the 'gift' category is somewhat suspect..

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JustPixelz's avatar

Top 5: The Private Jets With The Longest Range In 2024 [https://simpleflying.com/private-jet-longest-range-list-2024/]

tl/dr? #1 is Bombardier Global 7500 ($75million)

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Shocktreatment's avatar

"As an obscenely wealthy person and an egomaniac star of my own show, I may 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 get the urge for strawberries in Paris, via Wanchai and Buenos Aires. But it's nice to know that if I 𝘥𝘰..."

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I'm just trying to imagine how much it costs to maintain one of those when it's not in the air. Just renting the hanger alone must cost a small fortune.

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JustPixelz's avatar

My car costs $4K/year for insurance, taxes, garage fees before I even drive it one foot.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I remember too well how much I spent on cars before I ever pulled the damned things out of the garage. But I DO miss the independence that bought me.

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tek's avatar

Your problem is you aren't rich enough..

.

They don't even see the last four or five zeroes. never mind the stuff after the decimal point..

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Shocktreatment's avatar

Your problem is you aren't rich enough..

That's my problem too

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I cannot even imagine having THAT kind of $$$.

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tek's avatar

Just remember: regardless of what you've seen in cartoons, swimming in a pool filled with gold coins is difficult and painful.

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WokeGrandma's avatar

Indeed. Just ask Scrooge McDuck.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

I've never been much of a diver, anyway.

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Tza's avatar

Huh. My insurer just refunded me 80 bucks in two checks (got the mail before breakfast). Wild. Looks like they slightly over-charged for diagnostics on the bigger one, and accidentally had my doctor charge me for my recent flu test on the smaller one (which I just paid, it was 7 bucks).

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GEM's avatar

I just got $100 back from a doctor's office. Not gonna complain.

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