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Ika Kelly's avatar

Even without this the man has a cringe vibe, but this explains a lot.

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Erin Keith's avatar

He is one sick mofo

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Philip Martin's avatar

Mike Johnsons face is the last thing an underage boy sees before waking up strapped to a sexual torture device and missing a kidney

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D Kitterman's avatar

This Little Girl As Princess behavior is low rent delusional fantasy bullshit that some little girls are trained (i.e. Disney, et al) to think of themselves as with expectations that she will of course meet her own Prince Charming. Nothing like setting up a daughter to marry some fantasy dullard, instead of prioritizing independence and education so that she can have an intellecting, satisfying life, and marry IF AND WHEN she really wants that.

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Who is this and where am I's avatar

I always thought the daddy/daughter dances were weird as fuck. Even the not-purity ball ones.

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SunnyInWyoming's avatar

Interesting the things that would definitely be considered abuse if they weren’t done under the guise of religion

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GrannysKnitting's avatar

and that is why they get away with this shit

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Dshwa's avatar

For those who want to learn a lot more about how the worst of evangelicals operate, find Chrissy Stoops work, she's on Substack and I think Patreon as well.

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CambridgeKnitter's avatar

Want? There's got to be another verb that fits, because I think normal people don't want to know this at all but might really need to in some circumstances.

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AboveTheGrayFog's avatar

What Johnson supposedly did with his son was funny, creepy but at the same time amusing.

What Johnson did with his daughter however was simply creepy. It really mirrors the old-timey Israelite who considered their daughters their property and their marriages as, mostly if not partly, transactions.

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

I had thought that purity balls were a fad among fundagelicals that had faded around the time L&O:SVU aired the episode where a 13 year old girl passed out during her purity ball because she was pregnant.

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Tessie's avatar

"We don't talk to her about contraception. Sex before marriage is simply out of the question."

How did that work out for Brustle Palin?

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Brian Bixby's avatar

My grandmother was 17 and told her sister, "I don't know why, but I haven't had a period in three months. It's kind of nice, hope it keeps up."

Aunt Edie said, "Dorothy, you might be pregnant!"

She replied, "No silly, only married women can get pregnant."

A week later she was a married woman, and pregnant.

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

And her brother.

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Tessie's avatar

"Recently, it was revealed that Johnson and his son either are or recently were each other’s porn cops, i.e. each got APB alerts from Covenant Eyes Christian anti-cumwhacking software if the other started looking at porn. This was discovered through some good old fashioned journalism, namely the kind where a person willingly sits through hours of Mike Johnson babbling to his church about how he and his son and the Lord work together to help Mike and Junior keep their hands off their respective wangpeeners. (His son was 17 at the time.)"

`

As soon as I read that, I immediately thought that he and his son have regular two-man circle jerks, and nothing I've seen, heard, or read since has convinced me otherwise in the slightest. You think I'm kidding? Look at his eyes. Look at that creepy smile. Think about the Duggars and Huckabee's dog killer son. This guy is EXACTLY that twisted.

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

I assumed that both he and his son have burner phones just for watching porn.

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Cakes We Like's avatar

Is it wrong that my brain immediately went "Hmmm... I wonder if he bought her an Everlast."

Robin Hood: Men in Tights has ruined me.

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Anti-Social Socialist's avatar

Call the locksmith!

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PaulDietzel's avatar

"Daddy, there's a boy outside . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qavJ91jRPfU

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Enter Ranting's avatar

John Waters would have a field day writing a film about this family!

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Mike's avatar

So the Mike Johnson stories have gone from funny-weird to vomit inducing insights into a truly sick man. I'm sure a lot of guys secretly installed the jack-off app on their buddies phone for a huge laugh. It does sound like fun. This story goes beyond anyone's ability to find humor in this man's cesspool of a belief system.

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Notreelyhelping's avatar

And true love waits

In haunted attics

And true love lives

On lollipops and crisps

—Radiohead

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