Welcome to the official newsletter of Heaven! Yes, the Rapture happened, and you won! You're in Paradise! (Sorry it's exactly like the world you left behind; perhaps you should appreciate the world you left behind a little more!) We are too a-scared to wait up until whenever the rapture is supposed to hit California and suck 89-year-old Oakland-based doomsday predictor Harold Camping back to his watery grave, so we'll just schedule this post to publish in the morning. But we have grabbed some news bits from New Zealand, which apparently has yet to be destroyed by Jeebus Quakes even though it's well after 6 p.m. local time.
Black Butt Porter! I drank that at the get-together in Bellingham after my mama's memorial service three years ago. I may spurn beer, but I savor porter.
Stay strong, DBB. My wife is in Weight Watchers, too. Just keep in mind, fruits are points-less in the new system. Have two peaches and some blueberries instead of that sundae. You need to get down to war-blogging weight, so you can save the weekly WW fee to use for Pay-Per-View Wonkette, maybe, starting next week.
Walking around like regular people. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're stupid. They're everywhere.
That's the plus side?
i am jealous i was supposed to go today but my bff was sick.
also: i hear it is meh, but johnny depp is good in anything.
especially eyeliner.
i bet they picked a weekend for rapture on purpose.
Black Butt Porter! I drank that at the get-together in Bellingham after my mama's memorial service three years ago. I may spurn beer, but I savor porter.
Stay strong, DBB. My wife is in Weight Watchers, too. Just keep in mind, fruits are points-less in the new system. Have two peaches and some blueberries instead of that sundae. You need to get down to war-blogging weight, so you can save the weekly WW fee to use for Pay-Per-View Wonkette, maybe, starting next week.
Man...all of this talk about the end of the world could make my blood vessels rapture.
Well...it's about 6:01. No earthquakes it seems. Back to drinking!
Nope, the dog's on the roof, as God and Mitt Romney intended.
I saw Jesus just this morning. He cut my lawn and trimmed the hedges. His fees are reasonable and his work is impressive.
No one at Fox News better ever be drowning.
This is good news...for Herman Cain.
Great. People are making Rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Walking around like regular people. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're stupid. They're everywhere.
I've seen shit that'll turn you white.
<a href="http:\/\/i1115.photobucket.com\/albums\/k551\/denniverse\/NORAPTUREFORYOU.png" target="_blank">This.</a>
Aren&#039;t Gary Bauer and Ralph Reed at least missing?