Imagine If Your Stalker* Was Larry Klayman

We read all 185 pages of the DC bar's memo recommending an almost three-year suspension. It was gross.

Superlawyer Larry Klayman is in a jam. There he was, just trying to do the right thing in helping out a woman who said she'd been sexually harassed at work. Could he help it if it he fell so deeply in love with her that he couldn't concentrate on her actual case because he was too busy declaring his love for months on end, and flipping out at public events if she talked to other people, and chasing her into a hotel women's room when she jumped out of his car and fled into the hotel for safety? They call the women's room the "Klayman Room" now, he joked, because of all the remorse he did not have for a solid year of harassing his client who was already having a nervous breakdown about her previous sexual harassment case. Oh, and then he told the DC Bar committee that was investigating him that the lady must have made it all up because she thinks everyone wants her. What a crazy nutjob that lady must be! What a hysterical narcissist! Oh, there were letters, months and months of them, where he wrote down all his love for her and all his complaints about her lack of same? And he admitted his deep, otherworldly love for her in a deposition before his closing statement of "bitches be lying"? Well, nobody ever said Superlawyer Larry Klayman is good at "lawyer."

In 2010 and 2011, Klayman was representing Elham Sataki in her sexual harassment case against Voice of America. The DC Bar hearing committee found that, in the course of that representation, he violated eight rules of professional conduct in 14 different instances. Just little things, like "the worst case we have ever seen" of abusively haranguing a client for not loving him back, not following the client's instructions to "please don't sue Hillary Clinton over this, she has nothing to do with it" and "please don't move for Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly to recuse herself by calling her an 'arrogant' and 'corrupt' Clinton lover," not keeping the client informed, and continuing to make motions after the client fired him. You know, picayune shit like that.

They're probably more like "suggestions" than "rules" anyway, right DC Bar hearing committee? No? Well, we are Not A Lawyer, and possibly Larry Klayman won't be soon either.

We can't speak to the section near the end of the report about "hey, did we mention that on top of the 'abusiveness' and 'self-pitying,' Larry Klayman is a jackhole who files nine-page single-spaced motions that are repetitive, rambling, and ELEVEN MONTHS LATE, and also he lies flagrantly about really disprovable things like whining that he was not ALLOWED to have discovery when the judge invited him to move for discovery and then he fucked off and never even did it but he still said he'd been denied discovery?" because again, we are Not A Lawyer. But it seems like those would make Klayman -- who is currently representing such luminaries as Jerome Corsi and Laura Loomer as well as convening a "citizens grand jury" to indict and arrest Robert Mueller -- bad at his chosen profession.

Still, in 185 pages, the fucking gaslighting in one footnote (yes we read the footnotes) was what got us most. First, the receipts, both in the form of depositions of Klayman and his former client, and long, incessant emails written not just to his client but also to the therapist she was seeing, whom his client had asked for help in getting Klayman off her jock:

It started with that he started getting upset why I'm not inviting him to the gatherings or to places that I go and I don't take him with me. That made him upset. And so I had arguments with him. He would nonstop text or email, or phone calls, and talked to me that I talk about respect, that I'm not respecting him, and why I'm not taking him to the gatherings.

Then he explained his feelings to me and told me that he loves me and then he told me that he never loved anyone the way he loved me ever in his life and that nobody is going to love me the way he loved me, no other man can ever love me the way he loves me.

And so this was going on, and he -- and I through the whole time asked him to be my friend, but the most I can -- he's my attorney and the most I can do is a friendship, nothing more than friendship. Then he would lecture me on a friendship, what a friendship is, and then he would put lines of emails that a friend wouldn't do this or a friend wouldn't do that . . . . So, I -- the reason I couldn't, even as a friend, take him anywhere was because of his body language or the way he would look at me.

I was in a sexual harassment case and I couldn't have my attorney in public acting in the body language and the eye contact the way that people are going to say . . . "Oh . . . she has something going on with her attorney?"

Sataki sought help from her therapist, Dr. Aviera, in addressing the persistent harassment.

On April 7, 2010, in advance of the meeting, Respondent [that's Klayman!] wrote to Dr. Aviera a three-page, single-spaced letter in which he stated, inter alia: . . .

Ellie is more than important to me, as I have told you and her. I think there is a very beautiful side to Ellie and this has touched my heart, to understate things. . . . I have not helped her for money; I love Ellie; Ellie thinks that I am acting improperly like a "jealous boyfriend." I do not believe this to be true. . . .

Today, she called me about her case and the conversation unfortunately turned personal in part. I said to her that while we have no personal relationship, we are partners professionally and that we need to be considerate of each others' [sic] feelings. . . .

Ellie in my view is not capable of seeing the forest from the trees at this time. I discount a lot, but I am human and have feelings. Because I do care so much about Ellie, I too have trouble seeing the proverbial forest from the trees. Its [sic] very hard to be a lawyer and feel so much for your client. . . .

Ellie will not do anything with me on a personal basis (even watching a film on DVD) and makes up reasons, most of which don't make sense, why this is so. (She also tries to get rid of me as quickly as possible when I am in her presence). . . .

She shut the door to ever having a personal relationship with me. . . . Ellie is going through a difficult time . . . . I don't think Ellie can, because of her state, come to any conclusions on her own at this time as to why she and I are having problems, much more how we can together solve them. . . . I don't want to make her life more difficult, but only better. From the moment I met her, I wanted to see her happy. I knew that I had met a very special person.

Did he stop there? Have you met Larry Klayman?

On April 23, 2010, Respondent wrote to Ms. Sataki another long message, in which he stated, inter alia: When someone u deeply care for tells u stuff like, "you'll never be my Boyfriend . . . how would u feel? Last nite u did not respect me. You could have called me from the home of ur rich Persian family friend. I am very sad because I really do love u Ellie. . . . Its [sic] best for me and u that I get out of ur life in a personal sense. U would never want to be with a non-Persian anyway.

And more!

I never demanded that u love me. I never asked you for anything. Its [sic] just that you keep slamming the car door in my face. Going to Turkey with u, or even to Movieguide, does not require u to love me. I am human. You are -- and this is not said for effect -- the only woman I've ever really loved. You know, when I walk down the street in Beverly Hills and see an attractive woman, my thoughts immediately flip to you. I see no one else. This has never happened like this with me before. This is, as I wrote in my book, by far the most important and personally rewarding thing I've ever done. My loving you has given me true meaning in my life.

That was a lot to read for this kicker, are you ready?

In response to Disciplinary Counsel's investigation of the issue, Respondentdenied that he sought a romantic relationship with Ms. Sataki.DX 51 at 1-3; see also Tr. 1430. He suggested that "she imagines that people are sexually coming on to her," "often claims sexual harassment" or "perhaps, she is just lying."DX 51 at 3; Tr. 1424-33.

There are 183 more pages marshaling precise evidence of Klayman's ethical lapses, and his frightening behavior, and his ineptitude in the practice of law, which we have read so you don't have to. We look forward to his inevitable (and not the first) threat of a lawsuit for true and correct reporting on an official hearing into a matter in the public interest.

*Nota bene, Wonkette believes that Sataki's fleeing Klayman's car and seeking refuge from his rage and unwanted advances shows that Klayman's behavior qualifies as "stalking," per the Department of Justice, which defines it as "engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for his or her safety or the safety of others or suffer substantial emotional distress." Go sue someone else, LARRY.

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