676 Comments
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Jen's Taking Greenland's avatar

Hm.

Saw a cub struck by a car.....but...the car was ok? Wait. What? Where was mamma?

Something tells me that New Yorker article is gonna be a bit different.

JCfromNC's avatar

How in the hell would you be able to hit a bear cub hard enough with a bicycle to kill it? Were you going 30-40 mph, hell bent for leather, on one of those heavy-duty trail bikes when the cub leaped in front of you, and you struck it at the precise location and angle to snap its neck? And if you were pedaling hard enough to kill a cub, what the hell happened to you when your bike had an unexpected sudden, sharp stop? Because you sure didn't, at least not at the exact same time as your bicycle. Yours probably came a few seconds later when you made contact with the ground, at roughly the same speed that managed to kill a bear cub.

Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Gary. What a sick fucking thing to do.

Tosca's avatar

Kennedy; Heard you people want weird. I am your fucking MAN.

I mean, Trump's weird. But is he "Haul a dead bear around all day before doing a Serial Killer posing in Central Park" weird? CHECKMATE, LIBS!

Darth Trad's avatar

All I get from this is; 'Hi everyone. My uncle used to be President! I've got a dead bear in my van. Excuse me while I go shoot up in the bathroom here'

Bitter Scribe's avatar

I was just thinking that I hadn't heard about RFKJ for a while -- and then lo and behold...

This has got to be the weirdest wild-animal-killing thing in politics since that picture of Trump Jr. grinning like an idiot next to the corpse of a giraffe. (A giraffe! Who shoots a fucking GIRAFFE?)

Let me sum up's avatar

I did not know that speedy mcfailson killed a giraffe, nor that such a thing was legal.

Thank you/curse you, wonkette.com

Darth Trad's avatar

Americans. Americans do. And they go to other nations to kill them. And he's been seen with a dead elephant and a big cat too.

Bitter Scribe's avatar

You have to be one sick motherfucker to shoot a giraffe. At least you could say the big cat was going to Francis Macomber you. What the fuck does a giraffe do that could possibly be threatening? Give you a crick in your neck from looking up at him?

JCfromNC's avatar

Giraffes are big and can be dangerous, but I'm pretty sure they're not aggressive -- i.e., you don't fuck with them, they don't fuck with you. So yeah, dangerous but not threatening, to my knowledge.

Darth Trad's avatar

You first have to get on a plane and fly to the nation where the cat is. Then get on a car and drive to the spot they hang around. And wait for them to turn up. Not like they are going to be flying to the USA and turn up at your front door.

If you asked someone why they spent hundreds of thousands to do this, they would talk about how hunting is so important to feed families. At that point you should ask how they intend to transport a whole elephant back to Manhattan to do that. And whether those hundreds of thousands of dollars might be used to just buy food in the USA. As I understand that there is a system where dollars are exchanged for food there. Then they get pissy about it.

subterrene's avatar

I used to wonder how RFK Jr. picked up that parasitic brain worm, now I know

JCfromNC's avatar

Can't be, we don't allow those here.

TakingAmes's avatar

Since we know RFKJr is coordinating with the PAB campaign, any thoughts about whether this was a stupid way to distract from the couch fucking?

subterrene's avatar

I had the same thought this morning. Of course, it would be irresponsible not to speculate

Let me sum up's avatar

It is ALWAYS irresponsible not to speculate. I think that's the 1st thing they teach in journo school.

Sherry's avatar

Apparently in some states, there are laws against eating roadkill and in others, they appreciate the hell out of you for cleaning up the roadkill. So thank you, I guess? He still dropped the body though.

Darth Trad's avatar

More that half the US states allow it. Considering that food stamps only go that far, maybe it should be added to the state benefits list?

Sherry's avatar

Well just give those GQP goat fuckers half a chance and it could come true.

Sherry's avatar

If you didn't see John Oliver last night I highly recommend. He gave all of RFK's greatest hits of being batshit cray cray. This one wasn't mentioned but I can imagine how entertaining John would have made it.

Sarah Smile's avatar

Whenever you cover RFK Jr.'s lunacy hit parade it will almost immediately be out of date because someone uncovered a whole new piece of lunacy

Gammarae's avatar

bet that bear pooped in his car.

Revenant's avatar

NOBODY, but nobody out-weirds RFK Jr. He's got weird for days, weird stored up for a rainy day, weird to hand out to the poor.

Mike Gesing's avatar

Well, now we know where he got the brainworm.

Will's avatar

Did he attempt CPR before declaring the baby bear not only merely dead, but really, most sincerely dead? Is this another Chappaquiddick?

Let me sum up's avatar

So many conspiracies in/among that family. Yet only one involves a bear...Interesting.

Will's avatar

And a new catchphrase enters the political vocabulary. "Don't dump the bear," as in don't air your dirty laundry by standing next to it and taking a selfie.

Crystalclear12's avatar

Not very believable that he didn't hit it.