Was Madonna's Bacterial Illness A Vax Side Effect Or Is it ... ADRENOCHROME?!?

Normal people discuss! And also think she's a clone.

Madonna has always been a subject of controversy. There are those of us who love her and those who just seem to be weirdly angry about the fact that she even exists. There's been a lot of vitriol towards her lately from people who disapprove of the way she looks and the fact that she is still out here being sexy and doing tours with Sam Smith at the age of 64 instead of being a proper and respectable old lady — as if Madonna was ever trying to be a proper and respectable anything.

But I digress! Because today we're not going to talk about the mainstream vitriol towards Madge, or how a lot of over-criticism of Botox and fillers tends to veer into the misogyny lane, or even the ways in which she has been an icon for those of us with little gaps in our front teeth, but rather the totally bananas conspiracy theories about her that have been boppin' around the weird part of internet this week.

As you may or may not know, the Material Girl was admitted to the ICU for several days this week after contracting a bacterial illness. This could be a wide variety of things but what it's definitely not is a reaction to the COVID vaccine. Why?  Because it has literally nothing to do with bacteria.  

Also, she would have had to have had the vaccine very recently in order to have experienced any complications at all from it.

Ironically, Madonna herself had brief dalliances with some anti-vax nonsense, though it appears she's gotten over that. Or we can hope she has, because she hasn't brought it up in the last two years and no Madonna phase has ever lasted that long.

The accusations are not surprising. There is a deep, deep desperation among the anti-vax crowd to link every possible illness or injury or death to the vaccine, in hopes that it will validate their nonsense. The account that posted that tweet, Died Suddenly, literally just publishes obituaries that say people "died suddenly" and concludes that their deaths were caused by the vaccine. Because no one ever used that phrase before 2021.

That being said, the "Madonna got a bacterial infection from a vaccine she probably hasn't taken in a while!" theories were really just the tip of the iceberg. There were also a lot of people out there who believed that this had something to do with either a lack of adrenochrome or the fact that this Madonna is a clone that was created after the real Madonna was tried by a military tribunal at Gitmo and executed for her crimes against humanity, and the clone is deteriorating. Or both, because the clone was also taking adrenochrome and suffering from health issues due to the fact that the adrenochrome supply has dwindled as a result of Donald Trump's successes in destroying the child trafficking rings. (Adrenochrome is a real chemical substance that is made by oxidizing epinephrine, but QAnon people think it is a drug, made by scaring children with Satanic ritual abuse and then draining their adrenal glands, that is "ten times more potent than heroin" and also keeps all of the celebrities young-looking. In reality, adrenochrome will not get you high or keep you young looking.)

Several posted an official list of all celebrities that have been executed (or who are awaiting trial) at Gitmo for their crimes against humanity, on which Madonna is #172, as proof of her death.

Because no way could anyone make an Excel spreadsheet like that if the claims were not true.

For the unhep, the QAnon people believe that the "white hats" (what they call the people who are on their side, working to destroy "the cabal") secretly arrested all of the bad celebrities and politicians while we were in lockdown in order to try them in military tribunals for crimes against humanity at Guantanamo Bay. We haven't noticed this, because they have either been replaced by clones meant to die at opportune times or are under house arrest, and everything that seems like reality now is a "movie" that they are putting on in the time being before they blow our minds with what's really been going on. At this point we will all be shocked and horrified and turn desperately to the QAnon people to help us understand.

Many QAnon people think this has something to do with them, in particular, because of how Madonna posted a tweet with the phrase "The Calm Before The Storm" a couple days before going to the ICU. It was a reference to the fact that she was getting ready for her tour, but that's one of their big sayings, so they believe it's "comms." Like, they think that Madonna ( or her clone) is sending out a secret message to other celebrities (or their clones?) about how something is going to happen in Italy, which it probably will because things happen everywhere all of the time. Maybe it's this story about the Italian teacher who got fired after not coming to work for 20 years ?

I guess where I'm confused is that, if the real Madonna was executed for her "crimes" in 2020 and replaced by a clone ... who did the replacing? Was it the "white hats?" And if so, why would they make a bad clone who, we can assume, still shoots up an imaginary drug made from the adrenal glands of frightened children? Isn't that what they're trying to stop? Why wouldn't they make a good clone that works for them? I have many questions.

OPEN THREAD!

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