Is My Cat Trying to Kill Me?

Self-helpy AF!

Amazing photo by DecafPotato on Wikipedia

Welcome to an advice column by me, Sara Benincasa, a person with opinions. This column will not diagnose or cure anything. Send questions to saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com. If I use your question, I’ll revise it for space and will keep you anonymous.

Dear Sara,

This has nothing to do with politics, but I know you’re obsessed with your cat [Author’s note: Yes I am, but as I feel she should be Prime Minister of the Universe, this IS political!] Recently, we began feeding a cat who kept coming up to our back door. We are not cat people, so I don’t know what we were thinking, but we felt so bad for her. We actually did have a decent amount of snow this winter, so we set up a little outdoor house for her with blankets and straw.

One day we saw blood on our back porch. It was clear she was injured in a fight (with a cat, raccoon or fox, I have no idea). We took her to a local vet and as soon as that little cat lay her head on my arm and meowed sadly, I was a goner. Now she is our very healthy, very combative roommate.

She helps us by killing mice. She will sit on our feet and purr while we watch TV. But she bites and scratches us sometimes out of nowhere. Other times she’s sweet as can be. Is she Jekyll and Hyde forever, or will she shape up over time? — Confused But Devoted To An Assassin

Dear CBDTAA,

It sounds to me like you’re doing a wonderful job. You didn’t mention kids or other pets, so your home may be the ideal situation for her. Thank you for taking on this challenge!

Polly the Demon Queen in Brooklyn circa 2022-ish

I wasn’t a cat person before I adopted Polly the Demon Queen, and now I believe she controls the weather and several planets (I am fine with this). Polly lived wild for a little while, and went from home to home for years, so she’s got some feral qualities herself. At one point, one caretaker even worried she might need to be euthanized. Big reveal: That did not occur, and with more loving compassion and patience, she ended up learning how to mostly be at peace with humans!

I promise there is hope for you and for anybody who adopts a creature who needs help. Sometimes they need to be re-homed or kept under special care, but that doesn’t sound like the case here. You just need some coaching on how to live with a traumatized semi-wild thing. You’re not doing anything wrong — cats speak a different language than we do, and dogs are often easier for us humans to read.

Feral cats are a big job, and there’s just no way you can fully “tame” them if they don’t want to be tamed. She may never turn into a lap cat, but I bet she appreciates you two. And hey, she’s a foot cat! A foot cat will keep you warm, too!

Clearly, you are aware Wonkette is known to have a SOMEWHAT VERY EXTREMELY ACTIVE COMMENTARIAT and they know things. I suspect they will help you, too.

I greatly enjoy Jackson Galaxy’s work and his coaching. He’s generally quite compassionate and also funny. Here’s a video about stopping unwanted behavior.

Back when I was still on Twitter, folks there were incredibly helpful during the 27 hours I fostered a large, angry, bitey, scratchy, swipey adult cat before I failed/won and adopted her. If you post a query on Facebook or any other social media platform, I promise you’ll get a ton of feedback (most of it helpful, although some folks WILL fight each other about tips).

And remember, you JUST adopted her. It takes time for any creature to learn to trust others. Maybe it’s been a long few months, but they do change over time. Do a bit more research with experts (Galaxy has books and videos galore), reach out to that vet for help, and you will likely be able to live happily with her.