Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not

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   What are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the Senate primary fight between Lisa Murkowski and Todd Palin's snowmobiling buddy is secretly a proxy battle between Sarah Palin and the ghost of Ted Stevens. In Florida, Kendrick Meek will have to defeat a vulgar billionaire for the Democratic nomination to prove that he's worthy to be Senator from a vulgar, bankrupt state. Also, people are voting in Vermont and Oklahoma, for some reason.[ NYT / NYT / Bloomberg / 538 ]

• Virginia's vigorous young attorney general will not stop until he has issued opinions kissing the ass of every facet of the GOP base. This week: abortions! Shouldn't we make abortion clinics safer, for fetuses? [ WP ]

• North Korea will keep capturing Americans until it has secured a photo-op visit from every living (and dead?) former U.S. president. This week's lucky winner of a guided tour of scenic Pyongyang: Jimmy Carter. [ Time ]

• Tom DeLay is still a criminal scumbag, allegedly. [ WP ]