Is Your Dog Secretly A Comedian? Tabs, Wed., Feb. 7, 2024

Sure, why not. Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Music note emoji music note emoji, our friends at Bolts want you to be Watching the elections. How did Martini know? Probably magic!

Hey, do judges like it when you admit you perjured yourself in their courtroom, or do they not like that? (Judge Engoron letter) Here’s the NYT in which former Trump Org CFO is being prosecuted for the lies … taps cigarette ash … he did alllll the liiiiies. (Gift link NYT) Hey, does Donald Trump like it when you agree to buy Roberta Kaplan lunch? No. No, the tiny widdle baby does not. (Also: called her a cunt.) (CNN)

Pro Publica busted Harlan Crow writing off his pleasure yacht as “business,” and now Ron Wyden is just asking some questions. :D :D :D — Pro Publica

The South Carolina “heartbeat” lawsuit. Trying to access legal care is Calvinball. — Abortion, Every Day

Should Florida get to throw kids off Medicaid? Florida says yes! (Axios) Should Florida be teaching first graders about “cultural Marxism”? Fuck it, why not! (Florida Phoenix)

USA Today investigation finds “local governments are banning green energy faster than they’re building it.” We know red state people elect stupid, amoral thieves for leaders. So what’s Connecticut and Vermont’s excuse? — USA Today

You all thought Courtesy of the Red White and Blue was bad, you never heard Toby Keith’s The Ode to Grotesque Joe, oh wait, “As Good As I Once Was,” a song so nasty I am still throwing up thinking about it 20 years after I first heard it on the Grapevine coming back from SF when our choices were country, country, ranchero, Hate Preacher, and No Really Hate Preacher, Again.

It’s a bad song! RIP.

Your friend Tetman Callis’s floor isn’t going to lie on itself. (Tahoma Literary Review)

Also, Tetman? I think you should have this.

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Fat Tuesday is a big Polish thing in Detroit, with donuts and shit. Here’s Polish borscht! — Food Folks Fun. Can I use my beets I canned and pickled myself? APPARENTLY! Fat Tuesday is also the day before Valentine’s Day this year. We’re having crab and lobster at home, but I want Marry Me Chicken Soup! SHYYYYY! — All Recipes

Laughing dogs, laughing all day, playing their funny jokes on humans like “took your shoe”! (Rover)

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