339 Comments

I've got a LOT of theories about the origins of wedding customs. Like the purpose of the "best man" was that if the new husband proved unable to fulfill a certain vital part of his marital duties, the "best man" would fill in for him....

Expand full comment

These people are determined to make me hate them.

Expand full comment

"I didn't think that almost half of our wedding guests were gonna get sick," Bishop said. "You're in the moment. You're having fun. You don't think about covid anymore."

ONLY IF YOU ARE A NARCISSISTIC MOUTHBREATHING BRIDEZILLA WITH FEWER THAN THREE BRAIN CELLS TO RUB TOGETHER.

Fuck her. Just FUCK HER.

Expand full comment

I was thinking maybe SCA! Medieval tymes!

Expand full comment

I put it at about an 80% chance that the Ritzville wedding was not held in English.

Some priest in the Yakima Diocese has some 'splaning to do.

Expand full comment

My company has a branch in Cincinnati. People there regularly talk on calls about how "I don't know anyone who's gotten sick." and "I don't think it's any worse than the flu." These are highly paid IT people. And yet, they're dumb as a box of rocks about COVID.

Expand full comment

what language were they speaking? here's what ritzville wa looks like

The racial makeup of the city was 94.5% White, 0.1% African American, 0.8% Native American, 0.5% Asian, 2.4% from other races, and 1.7% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 5.7% of the population.

Expand full comment

my wife and I eloped 22 years ago, she's been bugging me to have a big "renew our vows" party for the last 21 years. maybe I should jump at the chance to do a zoom renew our vows and save us a bunch of money

Expand full comment

My father offered me $1000 in 1970 dollars to elope. This was during the madness of my sister's wedding. I told him not to worry, there was no way I was going to put myself through that craziness. I've kept that promise, still single!

Expand full comment

None of those people should be allowed to travel to Grinnell

Or Des Moines

Expand full comment

Have you actually ever been to Ritzville? And I don't mean just getting a speeding ticket on the way to Spokane. I grew up in Central Washington. Those number may be for the white incorporated part of Ritzville, but not the county or area as a whole.

Grant County is over 38% Hispanic.

This likely was a large Mexican-America wedding.

Not to lay blame but this is why the contract tracing is so hard. Language issues, documentation issues, trust issues.

I grew up and went to Catholic school with these folk. Our school teams would bus back and forth.

Where did you grow up, G?

Expand full comment

The question is, will you get more in gifts than you spend on the party?

Expand full comment

I have a feeling that when these people spawn, they will have a gender-reveal party with pyrotechnics that will set an old-growth forest on fire.

Expand full comment

Now they're wondering if Trump will come back from his Christmas trip to Mar-A-Lago.

Meh, let him stay there. There's plenty of people to box up his shit and get it the hell out.

Expand full comment

aha, spanish! that makes so much more sense now. I've never been to ritzville and I had no idea it was so heavily hispanic. all of my impressions of eastern washington were that it was super white. I live in LA where we are having the same problem, the hispanic community has been devastated by covid. there are lots of reasons for it, they are overwhelmingly front line essential expendable workers, and they are much more likely to live in multi generational homes. I think also that the people that are confronted with that risk because they have to feed their family also just want to believe that it's not that dangerous and just a bad flu so they don't think they need to be as careful. out of all of my friends here of all different colors, the ones who are the least likely to be careful are my friends who are hispanic, and while everyone wears a mask when they go out, they don't wear one at family get togethers, which are a big thing in the hispanic community. I hope someday we can deal with the trust issues that lots of different communities have with the government, but I'm afraid we're headed in the wrong direction on that.

Expand full comment

I've known of some marriages that were okay (NOT MINE LOL), but wedding ceremonies? "The bride's day?" 4 hours of pics beforehand and 10s of thousands wasted on one day? Horrible modern DJ music? I'm so glad sometimes that I'm an antisocial jerk with no friends. My mom and dad, I swear, went to a wedding or funeral every week. No thanks.

Expand full comment