It's Time For Some Turning-Health-Care-Into-A-Game Theory!

You know what leads to good health? FINDING A FUCKING JOB, YOU LAZY SCUM.

Kentucky has just introduced its new Medicaid thingy and hot damn, does Kentucky hate poor people! See, because they had to let people who made up to 138% of the poverty line get things like treatment after heart attacks. (138% of the poverty line in 2017 is $33,948 in yearly income for a family of four.) Anyway, this meant that ABLE-BODIED POOR PEOPLE could get healthcare via a program -- Medicaid -- that they say is only meant for the long-term dependent and pregnant ladies! The SHOCK! The HORROR!

Kentucky has realized its public health system is utter shite and also that it has a lot of poor people. But nobody in the Bevin administration seems to understand things like THE GODDAMNED MARKETS, which is probably why this ridiculous explainer document notes that even though people have insurance they're weirdly not doing basic physicals and things without also noting that Kentucky has not seen a huge influx of providers taking Medicaid to keep up with the newly increased demand.

And what a document it is! In it, the state notes, repeatedly, how bad their rankings in various metrics of health and employment and all sorts are. It even takes pains to point out that the private insurers are charging just an arm and a leg for the privilege of providing medical care! WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED PRIVATE COMPANIES WOULD TAKE HUGE CUTS, I ASK YOU?

Anyway, here's the stated goals of the health program, one of which even mentions health directly!

How will they do this, you ask? WELL. First they're going to tell everyone that employment leads to good health, which is as true as saying that marriage gets you out of poverty! Then they're going to give everyone jobs (they're not going to give anyone jobs) and when everyone is working they can all buy employer-based health insurance! That is actually their plan to fix the public health crisis in their state! It's kind of like listening to Jeb! talk about 4.5% GDP growth year over year, or Donald Trump explain who's paying for the #FuckingWall.

Anyway, that's not the bit that's outrageous, that's just the wet dreams of Sam Brownback. Here's the really innovative and start-uppy and consumer-driven part! See, if you want something swanky like glasses or God forbid dental care, then you can do various Character-Building activities like community service or rehab! And accrue points in an account! Which will be taken away if you misbehave!

God bless the free markets, I tell you what. This state is faced with what even they admit is close to epidemic level rates of HIV and hepatitis, and how many times do you have to have to fall asleep to an audio version of Atlas Shrugged before the following actual sentence isn't dystopian as all fuck: "The cornerstone of the Kentucky HEALTH program is the introduction of a community engagement and employment initiative aimed at increasing workforce participation rates in Kentucky, which is critical to improving the health status of Kentuckians."

THEIR BEST TACTIC FOR STOPPING A HEALTH EPIDEMIC IS JOBS AND GROWTH. Anyway, poor people of Kentucky: We hope you enjoy your new Medicaid plan, in which you can have all the fun of a prison work-release program and if you do earn enough points in side quests, you'll get to have a root canal achievement!

This is an actual campaign slogan from a major party in Australia. It was previously featured as a Dubya slogan. That's just a fun fact.

The state has not yet commented on how it plans to pay for the ridiculous amount of administration and at least one new agency it will take to get caseworkers to follow up on all this new bullshit, nor on how much extra staff they plan to take on to keep up with demand. When reached for comment, the spokesmonkey just yelled at us about how well Kansas is doing then called us fake news.

[ KYHEALTH ]

Outrage leads to hypertension and cardiac arrest! Keep your writers in copays and pay the lady.