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It's Your Democratic Debate Drinking Game, Except For We Are Afraid Of Blood Poisons!
Because there is a debate tonight, dummies, and also blood poisoning.
Remember in 2016, when some of our Berner friends were like THE DNC RIIIIIIGGGGGGED IT BY ONLY HAVING 100 DEBATES, MAN THAT WAS SO RIGGED. Yeah, ask them how many more debates they want this year, because it's been like one and a half so far and we are already fucking exhausted. (The actual answer in 2016 was THERE WERE NINE FUCKING DEMOCRATIC DEBATES, JESUS CHRIST.)
Don't get us wrong! We love the debates! Sometimes! But then SOMEBODY goes and attacks the other Democrats (Pete Buttigieg usually, or Tulsi when she's not preemptively boycotting because she won't join any club that won't let her in), and we get THE VAPORS! "MAYOR PETE, you are in a TIME OUT!" we yell at the television, get it because he is like 9, or "DON'T BE A RAG TULSI," we yell at the television also, because we like it when Tulsi fans, like their forebears the Jill Stein idiots (they are not actually "forebears," they are exactly the same people -- Tucker Carlson, Michael Tracey and Glenn Greenwald probably, we don't know, we don't pay attention to those choads anymore -- plus Mike Huckabee) get EXTREMELY CONCERNED ABOUT GENDERED LANGUAGE and YOU KNOW because of how much they DIDN'T call Hillary Clinton a whore that it is VERY SINCERE.
"OH MY STARS," they swan about, "WONKETTE DID A GENDERED LANGUAGE AT THE PERFECTLY MARVELOUS TULSI GABBARD, WHO HAS THE GRAVITAS TO GO TO IMPEACHMENT AND VOTE 'HERE'!" Except they say it in Russian, because except for Tucker, Tracey, and Greenwald and now Mike Huckabee, Tulsi fans don't actually exist.
Anyway, Tulsi ain't even gonna be there at the POLITICO PBS debate tonight, so SHUT UP REBECCA, ARGH. Instead it will be:
Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Pete Buttigieg, like so:
Please order by Friday if you want 'em by Christmas in the US. Fuckin' pretty
And then the others, Amy Klobs and Andrew Yang, plus the Tom Steyer one of the Michael Bloombergs.
No Tim Ryans will be participating because we're pretty sure they all dropped out.
THE DRINKING GAME:
We lied, there is no drinking game. Just see you back here at 8 p.m. eastern for LIVEBLOOG by ME, after I have a DISCO NAP and maybe some COCAINE (not cocaine, I am not a Brooklyn chapo) and DEFINITELY a DRINK (but not a drinking game, because imagine if we made you drink every time they howled HOW WILL YOU PAAAAY FOR IT at Elizabeth Warren and then you were dead and could not send me more money).
See what I mean? Terrible idea, drinking games. Don't know how we ever managed to live through our 30s, GOODBYE and this is your OPEN THREAD and SEE YOU AT "TIME" RIGHT? RIGHT. WONKETTE OUT.
Guys, what are you still doing here, Wonkette livebloog is up!
[ WonketteBazaar ]