Matt Damon is a—Matt Damon is a f*g. Matt Damon is also 5’2. Eyes are blue. Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.”
“I’d never think about a girl being smart. If you told me a girl was smart, I would often think she’s not attractive.”
“They want to go through that freaking Passover all the time. . . . Get over the Passover. It was like 3,000 years ago. Okay, the Red Sea parted. Big deal. Not the first time that happened.”
—Rudolph Giuliani in audio recordings.
Lima beans. Lima beans don’t even make sense. No one has ever actually eaten a lima bean. That’s a true story.
You know who else is gay? Clint Eastwood. No one knows. Clint Eastwood. But it’s like a manly gay, if you know what I mean. I know this because I kissed him once. On the cheek. By mistake. It was lovely, though. We went camping.
I’ve seen the Red Sea part twice in one day. I was on a nude beach with Maury Povich, who’s Jewish, by the way. In fact, there are a lot of Jews in Israel. We stood there naked, neither one of us gay, and we watched the Red Sea part. Later, I would realize that I was actually in Brighton Beach, alone, and not in Israel. Although I was nude, except for a large saffron-colored hat.
You look at someone like Myrna Loy. Very attractive. And you think, Dumb, right? No. Turns out she was very bright—780 on the verbal SATs. And marvellous in the “Thin Man” films.
I met Ben Affleck. You know how tall he is? He’s four feet two inches. Honest to God. He might be gay. Although short people aren’t usually gay. His wife is very beautiful. Also smart. Which is surprising. They’re both Jewish. Obsessed with the High Holidays. Simchat Torah this, Simchat Torah that. Wouldn’t shut up about Simchat Torah.
Show me a smart, attractive Jewish woman who isn’t gay and I’ll show you a photo of myself nude on a camping trip with Telly Savalas. Which I have in my wallet. He was a dwarf.
The thing with Passover. Dumb. Blood all over the house. Oh, don’t kill my son. No one’s going to kill anyone. I know Pharaoh. I know him. He’s a very nice guy. Six handicap. Can’t say the word “pants” without laughing. Antisemitic but not in a bad way. He was friends with David O. Selznick. That’s how I met Cary Grant. Cary is the first man I ever made love to.
I’m on a boat with a group of Israeli homosexuals. Not one of them is more than three feet tall. We’re in the Red Sea. Boom. Just like that, it parts. We’re sitting on sand. Water on either side of us. I say to one of the Jewish homosexuals, “Did the Red Sea just part?” He says, “Happens all the time.” He then asked me to put sunblock on his back. Which I did. He was a very beautiful man named Ze’ev. We still keep in touch.
You see all this bullshit about the “Barbie” movie. First of all, it’s not that good. I’ve seen it twice. Barbie’s not real, so that’s just stupid. What do you expect? The person who directed it was Greta Garbo. Or something. Attractive? Yes. Bright? No. And Ken? If Ken isn’t gay . . . I mean, I had a Ken doll. Which I hid. Ken has no genitalia! Believe me, I checked. You know who else has no genitalia? Who’s the one who buys all the things? Deadface. Wait. PoolMan. No. Ryan Reynolds. No genitals. Sad, really. But also freeing.
If there is a remake of “The Sound of Music,” I will play Captain von Trapp, and Maria will be played by Timothée Chalamet, who is so small as to be almost invisible. Also, no Jew, he. We would each do our own singing. I sing. I would also play the nun who sings “Climb Every Mountain.” I would, of course, be disguised, wearing the classic nun’s uniform of coif, wimple, and veil, which I could bring to set, as I own one. I would also want the von Trapp children to be played by mice. We would subtitle their squeaks. Also, since Maria will be played by a man, “she” won’t be dumb. She will be a he, Timothée, and he will grow his hair long, and we will almost kiss after “Edelweiss.”
If I were gay, I would want to be tiny, like Matt Damon. Who recently converted to Judaism. ♦
Published in the print edition of the August 28, 2023, issue.
thing is, that the people around you can't use the 'they gave me bad advise and i followed it, knowing they were drunk' defence, especially when you aren't functioning. Also, it seems a bit abusive to have accepted the advice, knowing there is an impairment and an issue. i'm sure there are lots of addicts in the world that function well despite their addiction (with lapses) but if the people around them don't force the issue by accepting the addiction and not questioning it they are perpetuating the addiction IMO
Regarding Roodles' claim that he functions better than 90% of the population, I think it's fair to say that a lot more than 10% of the population would avoid mistaking Four Seasons Total Landscaping for the Four Seasons Hotel, when booking a site for a news conference.
And some fairly large percentage of those who did make that mistake would cancel this gathering once they determined that it was not in fact a hotel but a business in a somewhat less classy neighborhood. I can't believe that this idiot stood in front of a garage door across the street from the porn place and gibbered at reporters.
Speaking of Rudy: y’all might remember that just over a month ago on 7/25, he submitted a stipulation in the civil lawsuit brought by Ms. Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss, in which he did not deny that he had committed defamation per se and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The purpose of this stipulation was to avoid complying with discovery requests, because his prior failure to comply resulted in an order requiring him to pay roughly $90k in attorneys’ fees to the plaintiffs. Nevertheless, Rudy claimed that he was still not liable because he had a 1st Amendment right to defame plaintiffs (which is NOT how defamation law works). He also alleged that plaintiffs weren’t damaged by his conduct, and that he was entitled to a set off of damages received via settlement from other media defendants who published Rudy’s lies.
Judge Beryl Howard then ordered Rudy to clarify the scope of his stipulation to determine whether she should enter a default judgment against him, meaning the only issue left for trial would be the amount of damages owed. This result would be similar to that in the Alex Jones cases, in which default judgments were entered against him in the Sandy Hook defamation cases, leaving only the issue of damages to be decided by the jurors.
I hadn’t heard anything further on the status of the Freeman/Moss v Guiliani case, so I checked the court docket. Rudy filed an amended stipulation on 8/8 per the court’s order (see below). My best guess is that the court enters a default judgment on the merits, and sets a jury trial to determine damages, but that hasn’t happened yet.
I hope these fine ladies take his last nickel, and whatever stash of booze he has left.
I'm a lush, not an alcoholic, but the times I've gotten drunk to the point of genuine impairment have usually resulted in me being a lot more sociable, confident, and aggressive, until it started to wear off, at which point I'd be quiet, tired, and waiting for someone to drive me home so I could take a nap.
Tanking in an MMO is a good example of an activity where that kind of confidence and aggression makes one *seem* to perform better, but that's a universe removed from lawyerin' for a presidential candidate on election night.
There is a case to be made for high-functioning alcoholics. It's not a good case. Being high functioning doesn't negate your alcoholism. Your judgement is always the first casualty of drunkenness.
"A federal judge ruled on Wednesday that Rudolph W. Giuliani was liable for defaming two Georgia election workers by repeatedly declaring that they had mishandled ballots while counting votes in Atlanta during the 2020 election.
. . . .
Mr. Giuliani later sought to explain that his stipulations were solely meant to get past a dispute with Ms. Freeman and Ms. Moss about discovery evidence in the case and move toward dismissing the allegations outright. But Judge Howell, complaining that Mr. Giuliani’s stipulations “hold more holes than Swiss cheese,” took the proactive step of declaring him liable for “defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, civil conspiracy and punitive damage claims.”
Good thing Roodles is a hard-stuff kind of guy. If he were simply a beer junkie, what would he do when he heard Ted Cruz's latest fairy tale about two beers per week?
Sorry, it’s Politico, but it’s a nice rundown of how Trump basically campaigned on the election being rigged if he didn’t win. Keep in mind that he began campaigning right after his inauguration, Roger Stone created “Stop the Steal” right after his inauguration, and Trump made the exact same claim prior to his 2016 win.
About that passage from the Leonnig Rucker book, with Meadows and his “We can’t do that” line, it seems our intrepid WaPo reporters may have been misled by their like source, whose name rhymes with Snark Leadows
Being drunk is not a great defense, whether you're helping overthrow the government, or you're repeatedly making homophobic slurs at a chili cookoff and then running over another contestant's tent and burners with your truck. Okay, maybe that latter example is more localized to where I live, but it still holds.
1) You repeatedly have to say to people "I'm not an alcoholic."
2) You follow THAT assertion with this assertion: "I probably function more effectively than 90 percent of the population." //"so WHAT if I'm drunk, I'm still functioning at a high level."
I used to say the words of me sainted father: I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics have to go to meetings. (I've been sober seven years now after 40 years of blackout drinking.)
My great-uncle was a batman (orderly) to an officer in the 1st London Scottish.
After a big night in the O Club, my great-uncle was cleaning up the officer's bedroom, just as the officer was waking up late in bed, still wearing his dress uniform.
The officer looked down at his uniform and saw it was covered in vomit. "When I find the man who threw up all over my dress uniform, I'll give him a sound thrashing," the officer shouted in anger.
"Aye," said my great-uncle. "And when you find the man who pissed in your pants, you should do the same thing to him."
you get what you voted for, including the hangers-on
The Wisdom of Rudolph Giuliani
By John Kenney
August 21, 2023
Matt Damon is a—Matt Damon is a f*g. Matt Damon is also 5’2. Eyes are blue. Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.”
“I’d never think about a girl being smart. If you told me a girl was smart, I would often think she’s not attractive.”
“They want to go through that freaking Passover all the time. . . . Get over the Passover. It was like 3,000 years ago. Okay, the Red Sea parted. Big deal. Not the first time that happened.”
—Rudolph Giuliani in audio recordings.
Lima beans. Lima beans don’t even make sense. No one has ever actually eaten a lima bean. That’s a true story.
You know who else is gay? Clint Eastwood. No one knows. Clint Eastwood. But it’s like a manly gay, if you know what I mean. I know this because I kissed him once. On the cheek. By mistake. It was lovely, though. We went camping.
I’ve seen the Red Sea part twice in one day. I was on a nude beach with Maury Povich, who’s Jewish, by the way. In fact, there are a lot of Jews in Israel. We stood there naked, neither one of us gay, and we watched the Red Sea part. Later, I would realize that I was actually in Brighton Beach, alone, and not in Israel. Although I was nude, except for a large saffron-colored hat.
You look at someone like Myrna Loy. Very attractive. And you think, Dumb, right? No. Turns out she was very bright—780 on the verbal SATs. And marvellous in the “Thin Man” films.
I met Ben Affleck. You know how tall he is? He’s four feet two inches. Honest to God. He might be gay. Although short people aren’t usually gay. His wife is very beautiful. Also smart. Which is surprising. They’re both Jewish. Obsessed with the High Holidays. Simchat Torah this, Simchat Torah that. Wouldn’t shut up about Simchat Torah.
Show me a smart, attractive Jewish woman who isn’t gay and I’ll show you a photo of myself nude on a camping trip with Telly Savalas. Which I have in my wallet. He was a dwarf.
The thing with Passover. Dumb. Blood all over the house. Oh, don’t kill my son. No one’s going to kill anyone. I know Pharaoh. I know him. He’s a very nice guy. Six handicap. Can’t say the word “pants” without laughing. Antisemitic but not in a bad way. He was friends with David O. Selznick. That’s how I met Cary Grant. Cary is the first man I ever made love to.
I’m on a boat with a group of Israeli homosexuals. Not one of them is more than three feet tall. We’re in the Red Sea. Boom. Just like that, it parts. We’re sitting on sand. Water on either side of us. I say to one of the Jewish homosexuals, “Did the Red Sea just part?” He says, “Happens all the time.” He then asked me to put sunblock on his back. Which I did. He was a very beautiful man named Ze’ev. We still keep in touch.
You see all this bullshit about the “Barbie” movie. First of all, it’s not that good. I’ve seen it twice. Barbie’s not real, so that’s just stupid. What do you expect? The person who directed it was Greta Garbo. Or something. Attractive? Yes. Bright? No. And Ken? If Ken isn’t gay . . . I mean, I had a Ken doll. Which I hid. Ken has no genitalia! Believe me, I checked. You know who else has no genitalia? Who’s the one who buys all the things? Deadface. Wait. PoolMan. No. Ryan Reynolds. No genitals. Sad, really. But also freeing.
If there is a remake of “The Sound of Music,” I will play Captain von Trapp, and Maria will be played by Timothée Chalamet, who is so small as to be almost invisible. Also, no Jew, he. We would each do our own singing. I sing. I would also play the nun who sings “Climb Every Mountain.” I would, of course, be disguised, wearing the classic nun’s uniform of coif, wimple, and veil, which I could bring to set, as I own one. I would also want the von Trapp children to be played by mice. We would subtitle their squeaks. Also, since Maria will be played by a man, “she” won’t be dumb. She will be a he, Timothée, and he will grow his hair long, and we will almost kiss after “Edelweiss.”
If I were gay, I would want to be tiny, like Matt Damon. Who recently converted to Judaism. ♦
Published in the print edition of the August 28, 2023, issue.
WTF did I just read? LOL!!
I was a functional alcoholic for a long time. Sometimes you are legit good to go. And sometimes you most assuredly are not.
thing is, that the people around you can't use the 'they gave me bad advise and i followed it, knowing they were drunk' defence, especially when you aren't functioning. Also, it seems a bit abusive to have accepted the advice, knowing there is an impairment and an issue. i'm sure there are lots of addicts in the world that function well despite their addiction (with lapses) but if the people around them don't force the issue by accepting the addiction and not questioning it they are perpetuating the addiction IMO
“I probably function more effectively than 90 percent of the population.” is something that alcoholics say
Regarding Roodles' claim that he functions better than 90% of the population, I think it's fair to say that a lot more than 10% of the population would avoid mistaking Four Seasons Total Landscaping for the Four Seasons Hotel, when booking a site for a news conference.
that was the intern's fault - or that's what roodles wants us to think
I would not think it only fair to say. I would think it good, very good, or even excellent to say.
And some fairly large percentage of those who did make that mistake would cancel this gathering once they determined that it was not in fact a hotel but a business in a somewhat less classy neighborhood. I can't believe that this idiot stood in front of a garage door across the street from the porn place and gibbered at reporters.
Speaking of Rudy: y’all might remember that just over a month ago on 7/25, he submitted a stipulation in the civil lawsuit brought by Ms. Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss, in which he did not deny that he had committed defamation per se and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The purpose of this stipulation was to avoid complying with discovery requests, because his prior failure to comply resulted in an order requiring him to pay roughly $90k in attorneys’ fees to the plaintiffs. Nevertheless, Rudy claimed that he was still not liable because he had a 1st Amendment right to defame plaintiffs (which is NOT how defamation law works). He also alleged that plaintiffs weren’t damaged by his conduct, and that he was entitled to a set off of damages received via settlement from other media defendants who published Rudy’s lies.
Judge Beryl Howard then ordered Rudy to clarify the scope of his stipulation to determine whether she should enter a default judgment against him, meaning the only issue left for trial would be the amount of damages owed. This result would be similar to that in the Alex Jones cases, in which default judgments were entered against him in the Sandy Hook defamation cases, leaving only the issue of damages to be decided by the jurors.
I hadn’t heard anything further on the status of the Freeman/Moss v Guiliani case, so I checked the court docket. Rudy filed an amended stipulation on 8/8 per the court’s order (see below). My best guess is that the court enters a default judgment on the merits, and sets a jury trial to determine damages, but that hasn’t happened yet.
I hope these fine ladies take his last nickel, and whatever stash of booze he has left.
https://storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.dcd.238720/gov.uscourts.dcd.238720.90.0_6.pdf
The court did enter a default judgement.
https://storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.dcd.238720/gov.uscourts.dcd.238720.94.0.pdf
Yeah, that order came out JUST after I typed my comment. I’m psychic, or psychotic, or something. 😂
What he meant to say was "WE WON WE WON" The weird thing is that he thought "WE WON" a autographed case of BATH TUB GIN.
Phish wrote a song about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSCRSqxVZ-s
Former high-functioning alcoholic here. I also functioned better than 90% of the population—or so I thought.
"In fact, I drive BETTER when I'm seriously fucked up"
We all think we do!
I'm a lush, not an alcoholic, but the times I've gotten drunk to the point of genuine impairment have usually resulted in me being a lot more sociable, confident, and aggressive, until it started to wear off, at which point I'd be quiet, tired, and waiting for someone to drive me home so I could take a nap.
Tanking in an MMO is a good example of an activity where that kind of confidence and aggression makes one *seem* to perform better, but that's a universe removed from lawyerin' for a presidential candidate on election night.
There is a case to be made for high-functioning alcoholics. It's not a good case. Being high functioning doesn't negate your alcoholism. Your judgement is always the first casualty of drunkenness.
How can you tell when Rudy Giuliani is drunk?
When his lips are moving.
New York Times (today): "Giuliani Is Liable for Defaming Georgia Election Workers, Judge Says"
"The ruling means that a defamation case against Rudolph W. Giuliani, stemming from his role in seeking to overturn the 2020 election, can proceed to a trial where damages will be set." https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/30/us/politics/giuliani-defamation-georgia.html?campaign_id=190&emc=edit_ufn_20230830&instance_id=101516&nl=from-the-times®i_id=87935768&segment_id=143274&te=1&user_id=48117dafd8d7dec50fd158c20f07fc9f
"A federal judge ruled on Wednesday that Rudolph W. Giuliani was liable for defaming two Georgia election workers by repeatedly declaring that they had mishandled ballots while counting votes in Atlanta during the 2020 election.
. . . .
Mr. Giuliani later sought to explain that his stipulations were solely meant to get past a dispute with Ms. Freeman and Ms. Moss about discovery evidence in the case and move toward dismissing the allegations outright. But Judge Howell, complaining that Mr. Giuliani’s stipulations “hold more holes than Swiss cheese,” took the proactive step of declaring him liable for “defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, civil conspiracy and punitive damage claims.”
What, so now having a fifth of bourbon or two after breakfast is a crime?
Good thing Roodles is a hard-stuff kind of guy. If he were simply a beer junkie, what would he do when he heard Ted Cruz's latest fairy tale about two beers per week?
Try to chram a few more in.
He's just pleading the fifth! I gotta million of 'em folks and you've heard 'em all before!
after?
Instead of?
Sorry, it’s Politico, but it’s a nice rundown of how Trump basically campaigned on the election being rigged if he didn’t win. Keep in mind that he began campaigning right after his inauguration, Roger Stone created “Stop the Steal” right after his inauguration, and Trump made the exact same claim prior to his 2016 win.
https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/24/trump-casts-doubt-2020-election-integrity-421280
Hell he was doing it during the debates with Clinton. This is no "aha" moment for Uh-Merkuh...
About that passage from the Leonnig Rucker book, with Meadows and his “We can’t do that” line, it seems our intrepid WaPo reporters may have been misled by their like source, whose name rhymes with Snark Leadows
https://x.com/ichotiner/status/1691288570303250432?s=46&t=1rZK10YkgvExjWdPmduJcg
Being drunk is not a great defense, whether you're helping overthrow the government, or you're repeatedly making homophobic slurs at a chili cookoff and then running over another contestant's tent and burners with your truck. Okay, maybe that latter example is more localized to where I live, but it still holds.
How to tell if you're an alcoholic:
1) You repeatedly have to say to people "I'm not an alcoholic."
2) You follow THAT assertion with this assertion: "I probably function more effectively than 90 percent of the population." //"so WHAT if I'm drunk, I'm still functioning at a high level."
I used to say the words of me sainted father: I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics have to go to meetings. (I've been sober seven years now after 40 years of blackout drinking.)
My great-uncle was a batman (orderly) to an officer in the 1st London Scottish.
After a big night in the O Club, my great-uncle was cleaning up the officer's bedroom, just as the officer was waking up late in bed, still wearing his dress uniform.
The officer looked down at his uniform and saw it was covered in vomit. "When I find the man who threw up all over my dress uniform, I'll give him a sound thrashing," the officer shouted in anger.
"Aye," said my great-uncle. "And when you find the man who pissed in your pants, you should do the same thing to him."