Oh No, Is The IRS Bullying One Of James Comer's Imaginary Whistlefriends?
Better stop it right now, Jamie Comer gon' git yew!
Oh no, what a saga this is becoming!
One week ago, House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer held a press conference to announce that he had hard evidence that Joe Biden may have done Thing with Person in Country in Exchange for Dollars, and he didn't even resign that day!
It's been rough going since then, and they've had a bit of a hard time communicating the gravity of the situation. Joe Biden may have done Thing with Person in Country for Dollars! Joe Biden may have done Thing with Person in Country for Dollars! Not even Fox News is fully taking this seriously.
And now look what you've done, James Comer has been announcing all week long that the informant and the nine to 10 whistleblowers are either missing or in court or in jail, or maybe he left the back gate open and they got out. Or maybe Joe Biden DID SOMETHIN' TO 'EM. Did Joe Biden DID SOMETHIN' TO 'EM? If Biden DID SOMETHIN' TO 'EM, we're gonna have to add "Biden death count" to his list of impeachable offenses, just after doing Thing with Person in Country for Dollars, Perhaps!
PREVIOUSLY! James Comer NAILS! Biden For Maybe Knowing About Possible Schemes His Family Coulda Done With Perhaps China?
Even Fox News Seems Pretty Sure James Comer And Ron Johnson's Biden Investigations F*ckin' Dumb
Marjorie Taylor Greene said this week do not worry, for she has heard the prophecies of the informants and the whistleblower, and she has seen the forms, and she has closed her eyes real hard and made really loud "EEEEEEEEEEEEENGGGGGG" sounds like she's on the potty, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENGGGGGGGGGGG, and this has enabled her to determine that the whistleblower is fine, he is just very terrified for his life. We don't know if this is the "informant" or one of the nine or 10 whistleblowers who are in court or in jail or missing, but at least one of them is fine. The others are still in court or in jail or missing.
And now? AND NOW? Will you take it seriously NOW? Comer says he has evidence that the IRS might be blowing his whistlefriend! Or retaliating! Or something like that! It is hard to tell because the breathless letter he released yesterday has no proper nouns or action verbs!
“🚨 We now have learned that the federal government once again may be abusing its power to retaliate against a whistleblower who alleges the Biden Admin is obstructing justice by blocking efforts to charge Hunter Biden for federal violations. Read👇 https: //t.co/w0UsRJKkjV”
— Rep. James Comer (@Rep. James Comer) 1684263712
Comer places his dumpy little man paw on the Holy Bible and does hereby swear to baby Jesus that the IRS is RETALIATING agin' a whistleblower what says the DOJ might perhaps may be preventing the feds from charging Hunter Biden for CRIMES.
“On the same day that the Durham Report exposed how the federal government weaponized its power to advance the Russia collusion hoax,
On the same day John Durham performatively gave his own mustache a handjob and released a report that said absolutely none of what James Comer says it said, yes?
we now have learned that the federal government once again may be abusing its power to retaliate against a whistleblower who alleges the Biden Administration is obstructing justice by blocking efforts to charge Hunter Biden for federal violations."
Once again may be! What are they MAY BE ONCE AGAIN doing?
Jamie Comer cannot tell you, they are bein' too bad for him to say it out loud!
"Congress must thoroughly investigate this alleged retaliation and hold accountable those in the Biden Administration who are covering up any crimes committed by the President’s son.
"It’s clear from the House Oversight Committee’s investigation that Hunter and other members of the Biden family engaged in deceptive, shady business schemes to avoid scrutiny as they made millions from countries like China and Romania."
Countries LIKE China and Romania! We don't know yet how these countries are LIKE China and Romania, but maybe they have similar food or climates!
"The Oversight Committee will continue to pursue our investigation into the Biden family’s business schemes to determine if President Biden and our national security are compromised. Americans demand answers, transparency, and accountability.”
UH OH BIDEN! Jamie Comer is still hot on yer trail, and he's got a whole gunnysack full of spare banjo picks, JINGLE JANGLE JINGLE JANGLE BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO, he's playin' yer tune! He's gon' git yew! Gon' git yew! He's gon' git yew!
Comer also presumably did that nervous quick-breathing giggle thing he does when he knows he's hot on the trail of Hunter Biden as he sent this tweet yesterday disabusing MSNBC watchers (he doesn't watch it) of their sick fantasies about one of the whistleblowers being missing.
“I do not watch @MSNBC but apparently they’ve been running stories saying the Grassley whistleblower is missing? I’m sorry to disappoint the liberal defenders of taking bribes for cash, but the Grassley whistleblower is alive and well. It’s been a bad week for the Fake News!😂”
— Rep. James Comer (@Rep. James Comer) 1684266428
Where'd they get that idea? (It was from James Comer.) It weren't from James Comer! (It was from James Comer.) Sorry to disappoint the liberal defenders of taking bribes for cash! (Comer's been on TV bleating like a country fried goat about the informant and/or nine to 10 whistleblowers being in court, in jail, or unfortunately missing.)
Bad week for the fake news! Laughin' 'til I'm cryin' emoji! Deliverance banjo, Deliverance banjo, STRUMMMMMMMMMMM.
James Comer gon' git yew.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
I would like a BlueSky invite.
I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .
https://youtu.be/2pbqOOLzk10
Seriously...is Rep. James Comer the best the GOP can offer? I feel bad for the guy.