Japan Raises Nuclear Apocalypse Alert Level

• Japan raised the nuclear alert level at Fukushima from four to five on a seven-point international scale for atomic incidents, making this nightmare just two "points" away from Chernobyl! (That's a nice way to imagine it, in "points." Just like in College Basketball March Madness!) The head of the International Atomic Energy Agency referred to this awful disaster as a "race against the clock," so that's comforting. Since this tragedy began last Friday, 6,405 people have been reported dead and approximately 10,200 are still missing. Also, miserable weather and heavy snowfall has basically made Japan the saddest place on Earth. [ BBC ]

• The U.N. has approved a no-fly zone over Libya, and the bombings will probably begin any minute now, if they haven't started already! Hooray for the benevolent Western Powers. [ McClatchy ]

• Former Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide will return to Haiti today, after seven years in exile. The United States has objected to his return, claiming that Aristide's "presence in Haiti could disrupt Sunday's runoff vote that will decide Haiti's next leader." Haha, is it even possible for the United States to mind its own business? Or will Obama send his favorite diplomat Raymond Davis to sort things out? [ CNN ]