Jared Kushner's Lawyer Can't Wait To Fap To Jared's* NAKED LEGO PORN EMAILS (*Not Jared's)
thinking about Lego Nakeds right now maybe
Fucking LOL, it happened again! A hilarious email prankster successfully screwed with one of the GENIUS LEGAL MINDS representing the Trump family, and we can all laugh at the results together! This time, it was silly funny pranky-pully man Jeff Jetton, who also recently established a productive email penpal relationship with Donald Trump lawyer Ty Cobb, baiting him with sweet words about Trump's hairy testicles getting caught in his throat hole. Cobb was obviously like, "NOT IF THEY GET CAUGHT FIRST IN MY BUSHY MOU-STACHE!" and emailed back to set the dude straight!
So it was that, in the wake of revelations that Prince Jared of Kushner has been using his own private jared@ivanka.com email to conduct government business, our email jester used the address "kushner.jared@mail.com" for evil purposes, to email Kushner lawyer Abbe Lowell about whether "Jared Kushner" should delete all the hot hard barely legal LEGO PORN he had on his personal email. And they were off to the races!
On Monday, the prankster wrote to Lowell from the address kushner.jared@mail.com asking what he should do with "some correspondence on my private email ... featuring adult content."
"Can I remove these?" the prankster asked.
"Forwarded or received from WH officials?" Lowell responded.
Show me on the West Wing seating chart who sent you the no-no porns, Jared!
"I think one was forwarded from a White House official, we had discussed a shared interest of sorts," the prankster said. "It was unsolicited. Then there are a handful more, but not from officials."
"I need to see I think all emails between you and WH (just for me and us)," Lowell wrote. "We need to send any officials emails to your WH account. Not stuff like you asked about. None of those are going anywhere."
He needs to see them JUST FOR US. Whether that involves sitting next to each other on a loveseat with a laptop and mutually crank-yanking, well that's attorney-client #privileged information, and we shouldn't ask.
But "Jared" was worried and a-feared! He didn't want anybody to leak the kinds of nakey-time booby-knockers he likes to look at, you know, when Ivanka leaves the room:
"But we can bury it?" the prankster responded. "I'm so embarrassed. It's fairly specialist stuff, half naked women on a trampoline, standing on legoscenes, the tag for the movie was #standingOnTheLittlePeople : ("
Lowell replied: "Don't delete. Don't send to anyone. Let's chat in a bit."
LEGO PORNS! "SPECIALIST" LEGO PORNS! But it doesn't sound like our pretend Jared was looking at literal LEGO NAKEDS, which would be even more LOL.
OK, we can giggle about this for a long time, and we will, because we bet Jared DOES have some porno funny business hanging around his browsing history (though we would guess it involves the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and not Legos), but there is a serious point to be made here, which is that Abbe Lowell has already made multiple public comments about the emails from Kushner's personal box, apparently without actually seeing them first . This is why he was like, "Oh yes, well, if you have a stash of nakey boobies dancing on fully clothed Lego men, I'll have to review those, and we should probably tell Hope Hicks to stop sending them to your personal box too!"
Natasha Bertrand spoke to a former prosecutor who made the same point:
Renato Mariotti, a former federal prosecutor, said he was "shocked to learn that Kushner's lawyer did not review the relevant emails before issuing a statement making assertions about what was in them and how many there were."
"A lawyer should never issue a public statement based solely on the client's recollection," Mariotti said, "because clients could forget key details or be less than forthcoming with their attorney."
Well no shit, Sherlock.
Anyway, Jeff Jetton is our most favorite email prankster ever. We would now like to request that he email Trump's drunky lawyer Marc Kasowitz ( A KNOWN LATE-NIGHT EMAILER! ) pretending to be Donald Trump Jr., who has just found his dad's Russian pee tape on MySpace somehow.
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[ Business Insider ]
I would bet he has a fine collection of scheisse videos.
No, just raisins.