Jeff Sessions Doing Press Conference To Announce He Did Not Have Sex With That Russian Pee Hooker

WELL WELL WELL, WHOOP-DE-DOO, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

Wonder what he is going to say! The news has been abuzz all day with news that Sessions totally met with the Russian ambassador like a common Mike Flynn, and then proceeded to lie about it to the Senate.

We see several possibilities:

• He will announce that, for real, he is not a Russian spy, even though that Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak totally is, and he did NOT have sex with that Russian pee hooker. Gosh, not even the Steele Dossier said that, don't be silly!

• He will announce that he's heard the voices of his fellow Republicans, and though he reckons he's a law 'n' order guy who would never do nothin' wrong, he's also a southern gentleman, and doesn't even want the appearance of any impropriety, so he will recuse himself from all the investigations into Trump's Russian connections. Now can y'all please stop yip-yappin' about Russia?

• He will announce that he's heard the voices of Nancy Pelosi and the congressional Democrats she's been retweeting all day, and immediately resign in disgrace.

• He will note that because he has the "full confidence" of "President" Trump, according to Trump, he will be staying in his job for AT LEAST several hours, and then Trump will fire him in the early evening hours, like he did to former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn.

• He will just tell all us rootin-tootin rascals to buzz off, because there ain't no "thar" thar on this Russia story, so can he please go back to racisting up the Justice Department in peace?

• Maybe he will get naked. Please don't get naked, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, III. There are children watching!

Our bet is recusal, but MAYBE WE ARE WRONG.

UPDATE: Sessions has recused hismelf from any investigation regarding the Trump campaign and Russia, because he has read the ethics things, and he is a good boy who does the right thing! Look what a good boy he is!

Fuck if we know, let's DO IT LIVE! Like right here, with this livestream:

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