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We at Wonkette would like to apologize to you, our readers. We have not had nearly enough coverage of ugly, male politicians and their twisted sexual peccadilloes lately but, between Chris Hansen and Larry Craig , it seemed like they were all keeping their, um, heads down. Luckily for you, the holidays can make a man really lonely for some underage tail, and thus the fuzz nabbed Collins, Missouri mayor* Allen Kauffman . Hey, whaddaya want? At least he's a Republican.
Allen, who is 63, old, ugly and apparently very deluded about his chances with women and/or actual 13-year-old girls, was chatting online with "Cindy," who was obviously actually Diamond, Missouri Police Detective Jim Murray. This went on from November 15th through Friday when Allen was arrested , and included webcam shots of Allen rubbing his chest and belly suggestively and well as online conversation in which he tried to get "Cindy" to take naked pictures of herself, perform oral sex on another underage girl on a webcam for him and told her that he wanted to fuck her. Ew.
Also, when Allen finally posted bond, he called Detective Murray at his house and asked how to make the whole thing go away. A hint, Allen? Calling up the cop and asking him to make it go away isn't the way to get out of trouble FOR TRYING TO FUCK A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. Not trying to fuck an underage girl in the first place tends to keep one out of trouble.
Oh, and he's pastor at his church, too. I'm trying to not to add "obviously," but, well, you know.
* Technically, he's the Chairman of the Board of Trustees of Collins, but he called himself the mayor so I did, too.