Joe Biden Says He's Running In 2020, And LOL OK STOP TEASING!

COULD HAPPEN!

We all love Vice President Old Handsome Joe Biden very, very much, but we understand that as Democrats and Gay Lesbians, we are all looking for things to look forward to, so we hope we are all on the same page and not getting our hopes up about Smokin' Joe bein' silly with reporters on Monday and telling them he is running for president in 2020. A reporter asked him, "You gonna run run again?" And everybody chuckled as he responded, "Yeah I'm gonna run in 2020, um, so, uh ..."

The exchange continued:

REPORTER: For what?

OHJB: For president! You know, so, what the hell man, anyway ...

AND THEN:

REPORTER: Just to be clear, were you kidding about running in 2020?

OHJB: I'm just, I'm not committing not to run. I'm not committing to anything. I learned a long time ago.

We all remember when Biden ultimately decided not to enter the 2016 election because his dear son Beau had just died, and he wasn't ready to do something like that. It was very sad.

But anyway, Joe Biden is probably not going to run for president, due to how he would be inaugurated at age 78 if he ran and won. OR WILL HE? We mean, he could! And if he wants to, oh man, can you imagine how sexxxy the White House would be again, after four years of the Thin-Skinned Grundle Stain?

Biden/Obama 2020! Biden/Obama 2020! (Either Barry or Michelle Obama could be his veep, or maybe Malia. Whatever.)

But probably not. For the record, in the year 2020, Elizabeth Warren will turn 71, Bernie Sanders will turn 79, and Hillary Clinton will turn 73. We are not insinuating anything except for they are all gonna be #OLD. That's all. Then again, if Warren runs, she will be the youngin' lady on the block compared to Donald Trump, who will turn 74 that year, assuming he's still president and hasn't gotten impeached or resigned out of boredom to spend more time with his ugly gold buildings and his 140-character limit.

But this is a good time to point out that we need to start thinking about the newer bench of US American Democrats and figure out who we think is hot or not. We actually did a Who's Hotter contest between incoming junior senator from California Kamala Harris and her replacement as California attorney general, Xavier Becerra. They are faces to watch, we think, especially Kamala Harris! And New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker! He is sexy and inspiring and wonderful and knows how to rile up a crowd very goodly.

Or this incoming Maryland congressman, Jamie Raskin. He is 53, and he says things like this to whip up the sad, sulking Democrats:

“We are going to revitalize you,” he promised. “We are going to re-musicalize, re-idealize you, re-democratize you, renew you, refresh you, rescue you, resuscitate you, reanimate you, reinstate you and reactivate you!” [...]

“We’re not letting any prepped-out Harvard Business School neo-Nazi [ Steve Bannon - Ed.] strategize us into becoming Germany 1933,” he vowed, “and we will not let a cabinet of robber barons and white nationalists destroy everything the civilizing movements of the last century created.”

He sounds fun, and he's not mincing words! WE LIKE IT. Sure, he's just been elected to the House Of Representatives, but he's a face to watch!

Oh, and there are rumors that Howard Schultz, who is stepping down as CEO of Starbucks, and who is a giant, no-holds-barred Democrat, might be gearing up for a presidential run in 2020. He says he isn't, but we are allowed to wildly speculate. If the Republicans want to elect a businessman president, the Dems are allowed to say, "You know, I prefer business dudes who DON'T file for bankruptcy all the time," and run a superior businessman.

All we are saying is there are a lot of shining names out there -- despite some in the punditocracy saying the Dems have a "thin bench" right now -- and we need to start cultivating them and turning them into household names RIGHT NOW. And also focus on the 2018 midterms, also too.

So, who do you think is sexxxy for 2020? Say all their names in the comments, which are absolutely not allowed.

[ Salon ]