John Boehner Cries At Thing

Courtesy of U.S News, this important John Boehner Tears Update: The Speaker of the House shed eyewater Tuesday at an event sponsored by Taco Bell, although it had nothing to do with their Fire Sauce's capsaicin content. Turns out the Damp One

made a brief cameo at a gathering sponsored by the Taco Bell Foundation for Teens and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, as the former gave the latter $30 million to help teens graduate from high school. (Taco Bell employs many teens, so that’s the connection.)

“Some of you know how I am about these things,” Boehner said, choking back tears while praising the work of the Boys & Girls Clubs. “We need to do a better job at educating more American kids. We live in America, for goodness' sake.”

Apparently the Speaker gets all choked up about some American teens, but could give two shits about others, especially if they sneaked across the border as toddlers being carried by their parents.

Boehner's tears for the excellent work done by Boys & Girls Clubs impressed former Destiny's Child singer Kelly Rowland, who told U.S. News she found it touching: “He’s so sweet,” she said, adding that as a longtime supporter of the group, she was impressed that members of Congress took the time to "carve out this space in their heart” for America's teens. “You’ve got to respect those people who are in politics,” she said.

The Taco Bell Tears came the day after Boehner carved out some space in his heart for Fox's The Kelly File Monday to explain that he's been trying like crazy to get immigration reform passed in the House, but Barack Obama keeps screwing it up by being lawless:

“I’ve tried to get the House to move on this now for the last 15 or 16 months. But every time the president ignores the law, like the 38 times he has on Obamacare, our members look up and go, ‘Wait a minute: You can’t have immigration reform without strong border security and internal enforcement, how can we trust the president to actually obey the law and enforce the law that we would write?’”

Incidentally, of those "38 changes" to the ACA Boehner mentions, 16 were bills passed by Congress. Such a tyrant, that one. Never mind the facts -- get ready to hear "38 changes" a lot in the wingosphere.

Clearly, Boehner's failure to even consider introducing the Senate's already-passed immigration reform bill in the House is Barack Obama's fault, because the President just doesn't respect the screaming preschoolers who make up the House majority. And if Obama tries to address immigration issues with executive orders, then there'll be a lot more to cry about:

“That will make it almost impossible to ever do immigration reform, because he will spoil the well to the point where no one will trust him by giving him a new law that he will implement the way the Congress intended,” Boehner said.

Funny thing, when we see what John Boehner can do to logic and simple English, we tear up a little ourselves.

[ U.S. News / Politico / Image:  Funny or Die ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He gets a little misty-eyed just at the thought.