John Kerry Totally Gay For Tom Brady, As If You Needed More Reasons to Hate the Man

Oh, John Kerry. We're just going to reprint your entire blast email, because a summary could not do justice to its obnoxious inanity.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: January 18, 2006

Sen. Kerry Stands Behind New England Patriots,
Challenges Indiana Sen. Bayh to Put His Caramel Corn Where His Mouth Is
Predicts Brady and Co. Will Advance to Superbowl





Senator Kerry (D-Mass.) today made a bet with his colleague from Indiana, Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Ind.), predicting that the Patriots would beat the Colts this Sunday in the American Football Conference (AFC) Championship game. Kerry offered to present Bayh and his staff with a hearty helping of Boston clam chowder if the Patriots lose this weekend in Indianapolis. In exchange, Bayh agreed to provide Kerry's camp with an old Hoosier State favorite -- South Bend Factory Chocolate Crunch, caramel corn drizzled with milk chocolate - if the Colts fall to the Patriots in this weekend's game.

"The only thing I love more than watching the Patriots play is watching them beat the Colts," Kerry said. "Overcoming an injury-plagued season, the Patriots have managed another outstanding finish -- fighting their way into the playoffs and containing one of the most potent offenses in the league."

The friendly bet follows the Patriots' win this past weekend against the heavily-favored San Diego Chargers.

First of all, like every columnist in this city, as soon as we read the words "friendly bet," we pour a stiffer drink. Secondly, the loser shouldn't bother with the food bullshit, they should just have to promise to never run for anything else ever again.