John McCain To Personally Implement DADT

 
 The military must be pretty confused, as they probably thought they were the ones who were supposed to implement military policies, but nope! Wrong answer! It's John McCain who will go door to door, barrack to barrack, making sure the troops know that they're allowed to be gay now, so they don't freak out or anything. "It is a law and I have to do whatever I can to help the men and women who are serving, particularly in combat, cope with this new situation. I will do everything I can to make it work," he said. John McCain may not like it very much, but because his Senate colleagues say he has to personally help gay soldiers have sex with each other, he will put on a pair of rubber gloves and get to work.

"I think I have to do everything I can to make sure that the impact on the morale, retention, recruitment and battle effectiveness of the military is minimized as much as possible," McCain said on Fox Business.

 No, listen, it's okay, we can handle it. You just do your own job, senator. You don't have to come in here and -- yeah, that's my crotch. [ The Hill ]