Josh Hawley Announces 2024 Presidential Campaign

Oh, were we supposed to take this news seriously?

Yes, Senator? 

In case you cannot read that, it says Josh Hawley, man of the people ( Stanford '02, Yale Law '06 ) GOP Senator from Missouri, will be objecting to the certification of the Electoral College votes on January 6, in partic'lar the ones in Pennsylvania, because it changed its election procedures in the middle of a pandemic in a way Josh Hawley does not like. He also says "unprecedented interference of Big Tech monopolies in the election," by which we guess he means just kidding we don't care. Also #DemocratsDidIt in 2004 and 2016, therefore it's fine.

Oh yes, and something about "potential fraud and election irregularities," of the sort something like 60 judges have had a chance to rule on, including Trump judges, and all of them have ruled "LOL." But Josh Hawley probably knows something they don't, you betcha!

"I cannot vote to certify the electoral college results on January 6 without raising the fact that some states, particularly Pennsylvania, failed to follow their own state election laws. And I cannot vote to certify without pointing out the unprecedented effort of mega corporations, including Facebook and Twitter, to interfere in this election in support of Joe Biden."

Note how he doesn't say he will object in all the swing states Donald Trump is whining about. Also note how he doesn't say he won't ultimately vote to certify the election, which Facebook and Twitter stole from Donald Trump by occasionally labeling obvious Trump lies as lies.

Everybody thought it was going to be incoming Alabama GOP Senator Tommy Tuberville who was dumb enough to do this. And we suppose he might could still!

But Tuberville doesn't very obviously want to be the GOP's nominee in 2024 like Hawley does. Therefore Hawley's gonna bust through Tuberville like a Vanderbilt linebacker in front of an ESPN camera, so maybe he can get a nice and supportive tweet from Donald Trump, who will still not be president after noon on January 20. Which is fine with Hawley, because again, this is not about Trump, but about Hawley's XXX 2024 fantasies.

Cool story, friend. We guess we'll just sit over here quietly on January 6 until Senator Hawley is through playing with his cock on the Senate floor.

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