Judge Aileen Cannon Files Her Dumb Response To Jack Smith, It’s Super Dumb
She is so offended by mean Jack Smith!
Wednesday, we discussed Special Counsel Jack Smith putting federal judge/MAGA den mother Aileen Cannon on notice that he was getting to the end of his rope with her judicial idiocy.
Cannon had, in March, dropped an order in the case of Donald Trump’s stolen treason documents to have prosecutors and the defense write out some scenarios for the jury just in case she decided to let Trump argue that the Presidential Records Act (PRA) allows him to possess and hide under Eric’s trunks and swimmies at Mar-a-Lago any classified document or nuclear secret he wants, as long as he pees on it, thinks about peeing on it, or claims on Truth Social that he would have peed on it if he wasn’t too busy fighting ELECTION INTERFERENCE!
THIS ONE!
Shockingly, the PRA does not actually say that. Indeed, it says exactly the opposite about who owns official records of presidents, both during their terms and after they lose to Joe Biden. In plain language, too. It’s a 1978 law, not a fucking Hebrew scroll that requires rabbinical expertise to properly interpret.
Smith technically obeyed Cannon’s order, while repeatedly calling all her so-called scenarios wrong and stupid in his response, and inveighing upon the judge to please let us all know before trial if she’s going to be entertaining imaginary legal theories Donald Trump found steaming off his morning dingleberries, so Smith can go ahead and appeal to the real judges above her at the 11th Circuit. He said this many times. Indeed, the last line of his filing was a final reminder that he was good and ready to go to the 11th Circuit. (Jack Smith did not use the word “dingleberry” to describe Trump legal theories, but he might as well have.)
Meanwhile, Trump’s lawyers had also asked Cannon to go ahead and drop the case, based on “dingleberry.”
Cannon has now responded to both, good Lord.
In a terse three-page response, Cannon first of all rejected Trump’s begging to dismiss the case based on “dingleberry.” Is this the good news some people think it is? Well, we guess so, technically, but it also could be seen as a way for Cannon to avoid Smith making good on his promise to be-bop directly over to the 11th Circuit to pick up a dunce hat with Cannon’s name on it.
She does, however, seem skeptical that the PRA has fuckall relevance here, since it so obviously doesn’t. “Those same counts [in Smith’s superseding indictment] make no reference to the Presidential Records Act, nor do they rely on that statute for purposes of stating an offense.”
Having covered that ground, Cannon moves on to bellyaching about how MEAN! and NASTY! and UNPRECEDENTED! and UNJUST! Jack Smith’s requests were. How very dare he act like she is not a serious judge? What basis does he have for that, aside from her entire record?
THIS RECORD!
Complain:
… [T]he Court declines [Smith’s] demand as unprecedented and unjust …
Unprecedented and unjust! Doesn’t the Constitution also guarantee justice to protect poor put-upon judges from special counsels who think they are morons? No?
Complain:
[The Court’s order shouldn’t] be interpreted as anything other than what it was: a genuine attempt, in the context of the upcoming trial, to better understand the parties’ competing positions and the questions to be submitted to the jury in this complex case of first impression.
How unfair to suggest otherwise! The judge is just trying to innocently understand!
She concludes:
As always, any party remains free to avail itself of whatever appellate options it sees fit to invoke, as permitted by law.
And therein lies the rub!
As Smith says in his filing, “The Government must have the opportunity to consider appellate review well before jeopardy attaches.” When is that? When the trial starts.
So if by refusing to rule it out, Cannon is leaving this option open — even if she is legitimately skeptical of it, due to it might even be too stupid for her to attach her name to — it’s potentially a poison pill she could lob into the proceedings if she wanted to, during trial. You know, just in case she’s feeling extra MAGA that day.
We have no idea what Jack Smith is going to do in response to this — Cannon didn’t take the bait and give him a legit reason to hop, skip and jump over to the 11th Circuit — but we can guarantee shit’s gonna get weirder before it gets normaler.
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Three cheers for Jack Smith, Fani Willis, Alvin Bragg, and the rest who fight the good fight of justice, even in the presence of horribly corrupt judges.
Speaking of women who have no business being where they are per CNN:
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At the December soiree, which was the New York Young Republican Club’s annual gala, multiple witnesses saw a server tell Lauren Boebert they would not bring her any more alcohol, with one witness telling CNN the server told the congresswoman they believed she had been overserved. Throughout the night, Boebert also kept attempting to snap selfies with Trump, who was sitting at the same table as her. Eventually, Trump’s security detail stepped in and asked Boebert to stop