Just Like My Country: Young, Scrappy And Hungry. Tabs, Wed., Feb. 26, 2025

Did Alexander Hamilton read tabs NO HE WROTE THEM.

BEARS IS HUNGRY. Tabs gif by Martini Glambassador

Good day, Wonkers! Your tabs gonna be short today, and why? Because yesterday all day I felt “stomach,” as my coworkers can attest. (They can attest because I said “stomach.”) But I also had tickets to see Hamilton for the first time last night, and I was praying that I would not be “stomach” for that. Good news! It subsided long enough.

But yeah all in all, kind of an exhausting day. And now it is over and I am sitting by the fire pit and I am making you a tabs.

But first of all, if you have not heard of this new theater sensation Hamilton, it’s pretty popular these days and probably will never play at the Kennedy Center again, but I thought it might be an interesting time to see it for the first time, and oh boy was I correct. And if you have seen it, or you have not seen it, and it comes through your town, or you are in New York, I am going to suggest that it might be an interesting time for YOU to see it. It definitely makes some feels happen, and might put a spring in your step.

OK, gonna find five stories on the internet and you have to read them all, lest you get Aaron Burr-ed at dawn by Aaron Burr. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, Aaron Burr does.

And what time does tabs publish? Just saying.

The House passed its budget resolution. It was 217 to 215. No Democrats voted yes. Thomas Massie, a Republican, voted no. Don’t start thinking he’s a resistance hero, though, he’s just a weirdo with washed out skin who looks like Noah Dyck on “Letterkenny.” [Politico]

Donald Trump is going to sell “gold” green cards to rich and sexxxy prospective immigrants for $5 million, LOL-LMAO raise your hand if you want to give your citizenship for free to whatever shithole trashfuck oligarchs with slicked-back hair and bad plastic surgery Trump is thinking of selling these to. Also, those green cards are gonna sink in value faster than a Trump company, or Twitter, or Tesla. [JoeMyGod]

Or Tesla. [Yahoo! Finance]

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Uh oh, bugfuck Kash Patel is reportedly starting one of his enemies list yappy scrappy GRR ARGH poopy pantsy investigations, and it is James Comey, YAPPY SCRAPPY GRR ARGH POOPY. Kash Patel is a serious man with human feelings and dreams.[Mediaite]

Hey, the DC US attorney’s office — led by the dumbest dildo on earth — refused to sign an arrest warrant for GOP Rep. Cory Mills, who is under investigation for assaulting a woman, but who is not under investigation for loving Donald Trump too much. Is that normal? [Daily Beast]

Neat, the VA fired 1,400 more people. Oh, they fired people who work on the crisis hotline? Cool. Hey, MAGA voters? Fuck you, you will never be forgiven for what you did. [Military Times]

LMAOOOOOO James Comer, the hillbilly captain of pigfucks, also the chair of the House Oversight Committee, tried to kick Democratic Rep. Maxwell Frost out of a committee hearing yesterday for calling Donald Trump a “grifter.” That is so mild, cannot imagine what we would call Donald Trump if C-SPAN’s cameras were on us. [Mediaite]

OK that’s enough, if I keep scrolling I will end up typing 1,700 more terrible stories, and I want to listen to Hamilton more.

Byeeee!

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