574 Comments
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Doktor Zoom's avatar

Also, for your parasocial reading pleasure, this almost-100% verbatim dialogue from Wonkette's Sekrit Chat Cave:

rebecca: "We can’t say we have any evidence; let’s just say the vibes seem right."

oh dok you scamp

doktorzoom: I'm a regular Mark Russell terrier.

John the Retired Mailman's avatar

She was smuggling Rabbits?

Rabbit season!!

Elviouslyqueer's avatar

Drat. I wanted my upvote to be "Liked 69"

Hank Napkin's avatar

In this case "96"

Pexas Teat's avatar

You needed HARD evidence, Dok

Doktor Zoom's avatar

you know, I had that in my head when I thought of that line. So it goes.

Menotsure's avatar

Marketing a Homeland Security Blanket sounds like a money making opportunity.

I'd buy one for Juan.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

One probably exists; I may or may not have had a USMS throw, a very nice one, I might add.

Pauly2coffees's avatar

Only if it’s a Snuggie.

Hollysdower's avatar

Never pegged you guys as such gossips

Thank You For Trying's avatar

Lol. I did. That's why I'm here.

Pub Option's avatar

Wonkette used to have a subhed of 'The D. C. Gossip'.

Shananigan's avatar

XD

Sojourner Truth's avatar

Thumbs up for the Mark Russell reference. Also, avoid gravel pits.

IMPOed's avatar

Oooo, good call!

TerseNurse's avatar

but you should just plug away at the story anyway

irish379's avatar

it would be irresponsible not to speculate

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

You should think long and hard about what you’ve done.

GH Swell's avatar

Probably some of those in there too.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

But it will breed all sorts of rumors!

SethTriggs's avatar

The rumors are sure to have me fit to be tied!

Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

This goes nicely with the reporting that the NYT did by getting the internal memo from the FBI with KKKash's schedule in Italy. Not that I can find any sign of that article now, but I trust Tiedrich. Apparently, the schedule was heavy on recreation and hockey, and very light on "work."

OTOH Stanley Tucci hosted the USA women's hockey team for lunch in Milan. They said it was the best food they had while they were in Italy. They gave him a jersey and he beamed. I just love Stanley Tucci.

JunkYardDogg's avatar

Cache of cocks

Pouch of pricks

Dick duffel

Valise of vibrators

Twat toolbag

Doc Johnson First Aid kit

Emergency Johnson replacements

Insertion emergency safety kit

Hank Napkin's avatar

I always slotted Kristi as more of Tantric Sex type official.

Jeff, still got my guitar's avatar

I think this is what the Puppy killer was worried about happening. The bag-o-dicks story was gonna leak and become a hystericaly funny Wonkette Dick Joke Emporium headline and story. Her worries are over, it happened!

OrdinaryJoe's avatar

I'm betting it was duffle full of portraits of US Grant. Homan is too stupid to be the only one in the MAGAsphere walking around with bags of cash.

OrdinaryJoe's avatar

You said "The blanket was only a cover."

Bwhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahhah

Owlftr13's avatar

Cory was mad because his strap on that she uses on him was in the bag.

Ian H's avatar

Given what we know of this administration and their habits, and these two in particular, could it have been... drugs? Just asking.

TakingAmes's avatar

It was heroin and the (alleged) lovers were jonesing.

Tommytoes's avatar

I'm thinking butt plugs. But I've got a filthy mind. Or Kristi's strap on. Same diff.

Marcus Damicus's avatar

Kristi Noem is a double ender if I ever saw one. Book it.

Fuck Trump.

BillEGoatSmile's avatar

I so hope their spouses are keeping track of this story for divorce court purposes. Imagine the fun being able to say bag o' dicks in a legal argument!

Stephanie Hobbs's avatar

I'll take salted rat dicks for $50 Alex.

weejee's avatar

I think it was a bag of Orange Oaf poo for Krusti's koprophilia moments.

android york's avatar

20 pounds of uncut cocaine. Allegedly.