I was at Target and I saw that they were selling vibrators. They were fresh out of something called a ‘Rosebud Stimulator”— presumably shaped like a sled. I bet the dildo bag had one such…because you know America’s Ilsa is a head to toe rosebud, a rosebud of great distinction. And she needs her stimulation!
And now I must sing the “Felix the Cat” song: “Kristi the Hag! The horrible horrible hag! Whenever she gets in a fix/she reaches out for her bag of dix!”
I adore that you managed to work in a plug* for Bad Dragon, because I feel the joy and silliness of their products truly makes the world a better place.
(*two tips: 1) you can never have too much lube and 2) bear down a little)
Also, for your parasocial reading pleasure, this almost-100% verbatim dialogue from Wonkette's Sekrit Chat Cave:
rebecca: "We can’t say we have any evidence; let’s just say the vibes seem right."
oh dok you scamp
doktorzoom: I'm a regular Mark Russell terrier.
She was smuggling Rabbits?
Rabbit season!!
"Duck season"!
Drat. I wanted my upvote to be "Liked 69"
In this case "96"
You needed HARD evidence, Dok
you know, I had that in my head when I thought of that line. So it goes.
Marketing a Homeland Security Blanket sounds like a money making opportunity.
I'd buy one for Juan.
One probably exists; I may or may not have had a USMS throw, a very nice one, I might add.
Only if it’s a Snuggie.
Never pegged you guys as such gossips
Lol. I did. That's why I'm here.
Wonkette used to have a subhed of 'The D. C. Gossip'.
XD
Thumbs up for the Mark Russell reference. Also, avoid gravel pits.
Stephen Colbert advised Corey never to do it doggie style with Kristi.
Oooo, good call!
but you should just plug away at the story anyway
it would be irresponsible not to speculate
But, but…
butt...
;>D
You should think long and hard about what you’ve done.
Probably some of those in there too.
Well, real life is Corey Lewandowski.
But it will breed all sorts of rumors!
The rumors are sure to have me fit to be tied!
I was at Target and I saw that they were selling vibrators. They were fresh out of something called a ‘Rosebud Stimulator”— presumably shaped like a sled. I bet the dildo bag had one such…because you know America’s Ilsa is a head to toe rosebud, a rosebud of great distinction. And she needs her stimulation!
And now I must sing the “Felix the Cat” song: “Kristi the Hag! The horrible horrible hag! Whenever she gets in a fix/she reaches out for her bag of dix!”
They were strap-on dildoes for pegging Corey Lewandowski
Take it all!
They were strap-on dildoes because Corey Lewandowski likes getting pegged.
To be clear, we don't know that it WASN'T a bag of dicks right? OK, so it definitely WAS a bag of dicks then.
I'm fine using republican standards for fact checking on this one.
Interesting theory, but why would Dog Murder Lady need a bag of dicks when she's got the third biggest dick in the world standing right beside her?
Despite my excellent cheesecake recipe I have never been awarded a "Legion of Merit" plaque.
That was way too much of a temper tantrum for a blanket. Makes way more sense that it was something embarrassing or incriminating.
Sex toys or drugs. Take your pick.
Ta, Dok. Did you read about the dildo thrown in Minneapolis to make ICEholes freak out? It worked.
And they couldn't get rid of them. If they kicked them away, they'd become a meme, and if they picked it up and threw it away, they'd become a meme.
🎼Coming in from St. Paul, from over the pole
Flyin' in a big airliner
Lewandowski screaming to turn around the plane
Could we ever feel much finer?
Comin' into Washington D.C.
Bringin' in a couple of dicks
Don't touch my bags if you please, mister Coast Guard man♫
Oh, memories! No-em you know...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAaLwg-tVWk
I got the T-shirt from Amazon! Worth every penny, it's so stupid!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09C6LNM6L
"let’s just say the vibes seem right."
... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
She's allegedly having an affair with Corey Lewandowski. She probably likes the occasional reminder of what a cock inside her feels like.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A Bag O' Dicks.
DILDOS AND BLOW!
Dicks and drugs.
And touch-up filler.
I adore that you managed to work in a plug* for Bad Dragon, because I feel the joy and silliness of their products truly makes the world a better place.
(*two tips: 1) you can never have too much lube and 2) bear down a little)
Are Kristi and Corey into pegging? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.