Let's (Not) Go Shopping With The Trumps!
Let's (Not) Go Shopping With The Trumps!
If the economy is so bad, why are they selling such expensive crap?
Hey! Do you have bad politics and far more money than taste? Well, do I have a deal for you! Or an enormous grift, depending on how you look at it.
Because Donald Trump is now selling some very unattractive watches for the entirely reasonable price of $100,000 — just for his most dedicated, wealthy friends. Perhaps to cheer themselves up after losing millions (billions?) in Trump Media stock.
The Trump Victory Tourbillon’s design is one of classic sophistication combined with President Trump’s symbol of success: Gold,” the website explains. “Almost entirely made out of 18 Karat Gold (approximately 200 grams across the band, case, and buckle) and decorated with 122 VS1 Diamonds, you will stand out for all the right reasons.”
Yes, because for the next however many years, you will be wearing a watch stamped with the brand of the adjudicated rapist who lost (we hope) two elections in a row. Talk about a status symbol.
“The case and bezel of every Victory Tourbillon are finely crafted to hold all 122 VS1-grade diamonds in an elegant display of success and wealth,” it continues. “Each stone is meticulously placed and aligned before being securely set in its gold foundation.
The Victory Tourbillon features some of the highest-quality diamonds. Every diamond is VS1 G+ rated, catching the light and projecting a sparkling symphony guaranteed to turn heads everywhere.”
If only because they’ll be wondering where the hell they even still have those gumball-type toy machines that sometimes dropped watches.
Now, I don’t know a ton about watches, but I do know that when Kyle Richards from “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” had a Rolex Postmated to her in the Bahamas that one time, it was only $10,000. So I’m going to say that $100,000 is just a smidge too much for this. Of course, it is very limited edition — only 147 will be made, which will be helpful for identifying the 147 biggest suckers in all the land.
But Donald Trump is not the only Trump getting their grift on! Melania Trump recently debuted a $600 necklace that she would definitely never wear in public.
It’s even too tacky for me to wear in public and I literally spent an hour the other day trying to find a quality knockoff of the St. Laurent heart coat pictured below.
We all have dreams, okay?
You may be wondering what the rest of Melania’s website has to offer — I did as well, and it did not disappoint. For $250, you can have this necklace that says “Love & Gratitude” but looks more like it says “Love, Gratitude & ______,” with her signature on the back.
Engraving done, apparently, by the fine artisans at the closest Home Depot.
Most intriguing was a section for “collectibles” — which I definitely assumed were going to be snowglobes or dolls or some shit, but are, in fact, NFTs, mostly of her face.
The Women’s History Month Collection! Of just one thing! Not being sold in March!
A picture of a book that says MELANIA, for just $250.
Tragically, however, you can not purchase this painting of Melania’s general eye area, because someone has beaten you to it.
These things are all clearly ridiculous — but my question is this: If Donald Trump thinks the economy is so bad, then what makes him think he think he can sell 147 tacky-ass watches for $100,000 a pop? Why does he think Melania can sell a gold-plated necklace for $600? Or any NFTs for any amount of money at all?
Truly, it is a mystery.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
Gripher much?
If (big if) the watch really has 200 grams of 18k gold then the gold alone is worth 12,500 dollars. The diamond are worth jack shit because they're tiny and vs1 isn't that high of a grade. A few dollars each for the diamonds. If I were still a pawnbroker I'd give you about 15 thousand for it and try (big try) to sell it for 40 thousand.