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Let's Talk About Salon's Flaming, Half-Masticated Dick Some More. Your Weekly Top Ten!
Oh hey Wonkette baby. Don't read the bad word in the headline, Wonkette baby! Also don't read Salon, like, ever.
OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it's Saturday and that means it's time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is all the stories YOU LOVED THE MOSTEST! Maybe you have read them all, maybe you have read them "some." Whatever! Read 'em again, or for the first time!
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Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!
1. Remember when we told Salon to set its dick on fire and eat it? Well, as you can tell from the headline of this post, its dick is officially still on fire, and half-gnawed on at this point.
2. After GQ did a profile of Melania Trump, people of course sent the writer Auschwitz pics and death threats. Obviously.
3. The Pentagon is OFFICIALLY sick of all your Benghazi bullshit.
4. Ted Cruz somehow failed to convince this disabled man's family that Obamacare is terrible. Weird, right? Oh well, Ted Cruz has gone away now, bye Ted Cruz!
5. The very last Wonkette Off The Menu is in the top ten again. It was stories of truly fantastic restaurant bosses!
6. Some terrible Canadian parents are guilty of natural remedy-ing their toddler to death.
7. This week was the season finale of "Jill and Jessa: Counting On," which means our long national nightmare is (hopefully) over.
8. Hillary Clinton's new ads are basically just a bunch of clips of Donald Trump schlonging himself in the mouth.
9. North Carolina Republicans are FURIOUS Obama won't let them peek inside people's panties.
10. And finally, Fox News guy kicked off air just for gettin' a little strange. We're kicking reporters off the air for sexxxytime crimes now?
OK, Wonkers, you have one task left and this is it. You need to sign up for the goddamned Wonkette newsletter, if you haven't already! It's a great goddamned newsletter, where we send you secret jokes and promotions and sexxx chats. Do it!
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