Let's Watch Bernie, Hillary And Trump Make History In The New York Primary!
You should drink too
By our abacus, there are just a few more hours before the polls close in the New York Primary at 9 PM. What will happen? We do not know, that is in the future!
But you are so confused, because how are Bernie and Hillary both going to make history in New York? Well, one of them will be written in the history book as the loser and one will be the winner, THAT'S HOW, DUMB DUMB. Hillary has been more than 10% ahead in most polls, but things can change! Maybe Bernie's turnout will be enormous! Maybe Hillary really stepped in the Tabasco when she said she carries hot sauce in her bag like a common Beyoncé.
The point is that you all are going to fight regardless. We could type words about how a lot of Bernie voters have said they weren't able to vote because they're not registered Democrats, or about how there was a last minute lawsuit to open up the primary, but we don't wanna. Like our mama used to say, if you kids can't get along in the comments, just go ahead and fight.
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/poll-donald-trump-murdering-hillary-clinton-among-new-york-republicans"></a>[/wonkbar]As for the Republicans, Trump will probably just go ahead and have a yooooge victory, since he lives in New York and New York Republicans are dumber than dogshit. Polling has shown Trump to have a tremendous lead, so if it's correct, he will be the Republican president of upstate New York by about 9: 05 this evening.
So lookie here, this is your open thread! Do try to be nice to each other, because if the Democratic contest is tight, you're going to be snuggling with each other in the comments for a LONG TIME, and we do not want to have to have Wonkette professionally cleaned in the morning, due to how you ruint the place.
UPDATE, 9: 15 PM:
Your editrix here with a couple updates/slash/Hott Thoughts --
At the moment Donald Trump has tapdanced on Ted Cruz's (plural) faces. CNN is not yet calling the Dem side, but exit polls show Hillary at 52/48, which is what I called, and I would like to know when I, the world's worst prognosticator who called John Kerry at 370 eclectoral votes, got good at this,
b) Roughly 70/30 and 70/30 for Hillary and Bernie with over 65s and under 30s is HOLY SHIT GENERATION GAP! Has there been one like that since Lincoln v. Backstreet Boys in 1860? And no, I don't really want to let the under-25s run the world quite yet ...
c) We're not going to yell at anybody tonight about voter suppression v. party registration, there is plenty of time for that tomorrow
d) If they call stuff, Dok will have a Post on the homepage, this gin and juice is not going to drink itself.
UPDATE II: Electric Boogaloo:Your Results Story is posted; please continue to be kind to each other over there!
Cows and Sake. By the way, thanks for that.
Please make that happen.