Let's Watch Neil Gorsuch Speak Softly And Call Ted Cruz A Huge Dick

Walking pus gargoyle

These Neil Gorsuch confirmation hearings, have you been watching them? We've already noted that they are kind of ZZZZZ, because, though Gorsuch is an originalist who is reportedly flavored like Scalia, he seems smart and soft-spoken and gentle and doesn't seem all that arrogant and, oh fuck , we have one of our well-known #WrongCrushes on him. (BAD WONKETTE! HOBBY LOBBY.   FROZEN TRUCKER. WE ARE SO SHALLOW.)

Arrogant punchy-faced pus gargoyle Ted Cruz just concluded his very long questioning of Gorsuch, and most of it was just OH SO CHUMMY and Ted Cruz saying the Federalist Society is diverse (libertarians! other kinds of wingnuts!) and Gorsuch and Cruz sharing fond memories of clerking for former SCOTUS justice (the American SCOTUS, not the Canadian SCOTUS ) Byron White. It was one of those "Ted Cruz impersonates human" moments, and as such, it was unsettling. BUT! There was one fun moment, when Ted Cruz asked a snotty question about how Dumb Democrats don't even understand what "originalism" is, blah blah blah, STFU Ted Cruz, you sniveling turd.

And Gorsuch kind of smacked him down! But he did it in his gentle, well-meaning, folksy voice that we need to stop being attracted to like Gorsuch is some kind of Evil Jared Kushner. Here's the exchange:

 #Gorsuchtells @tedcruzto stop being such a partisan dick. I'm paraphrasing, of course #GorsuchHearing   pic.twitter.com/cQDvlIBT0R 

— Tommy Christopher (@tommyxtopher) March 21, 2017