Liveblogging Confirmation Hearings For Bill Barr, Trump's Next Future Ex-Attorney General!

This is going to be terrible.

READY FOR A SHITSHOW? WE GUESS SO!

It's time for the confirmation hearings for William Barr, the latest idiot who will almost certainly be confirmed as the next man to be Donald Trump's former attorney general. (Nixon had like five of them, Trump got some catching up to do!)

We already wrote you most of the details you need to know in this post yesterday. The hearings will start with Barr's opening statement, and then Lindsey Graham (the new chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, hooray) will give Barr a tongue bath for 55 hours, and maybe he'll cry like he did during Brett Kavanaugh's hearings. If Graham tries to give Democrats a warning not to do a FALSE ACCUSATION WITCH HUNT to Barr like they did to Kavanaugh, that is your cue to DRINK!

The hearings will be over once Kamala Harris finishes Barr off.

Oh, and there are women on the GOP side of the Judiciary Committee now, Joni Ernst and Marsha Blackburn, who is certifiably bugfuck insane, and who we are ashamed to say is our senator now. So watch out for it to still be a horribly sexist shitshow from the GOP! Don't know how, but we're sure they'll find a way!

Anyway, here's a livestream:

Watch live: William Barr's attorney general confirmation hearing    www.youtube.com 

9: 40:GOOD MORNING! Lindsey Graham just made his opening statement, saying the committee had a hard year last year (because the Democrats were so mean to Brett Kavanaugh for probably being a sexual predator), but this year is going to be cooler, because he is in charge now. He says he's going to try to be His Best Lindsey, but warns that the other Lindsey Graham, the one everybody hates and Wonkette LOLs at a lot, is there, just raging underneath.

Then Dianne Feinstein took over to say it's pretty cool that the Republicans decided to put a couple women on the committee on their side, because it's fucking 2019 after all.

9: 48:Feinstein went through a litany of all Bill Barr's very bad problems -- his written and unsolicited statements on the Mueller investigation, his sweeping views of executive power, and all the rest -- and then explained that her main questions for Barr will be DO YOU EVEN FUCK, BRO? Just kidding, she says what she really wants to know is whether he has the strength to be Trump's attorney general, which means telling Trump to fuck off when needed. So basically our joke question is accurate.

In case you were wondering if any members of the undead are present, yes, Orrin Hatch came back to the Senate to introduce Bill Barr.

9: 55:New Meatball promises not to say a bunch of full of shit lies.

And now, after he gets through introducing his family (they all work in government, DEEP STATE ALERT!), he will give his opening statement, which you can read for yourself if you click here. 

9: 58:Barr notes that he's been confirmed to big boy jobs by the Senate like 500 times, just in case anybody wants to skip this whole rigaramarole and just vote.

10: 00:Barr reminds the chamber that he didn't really want this job, says he's an #Old, and that he and his wife were looking forward to senior discounts and late nights at the bingo hall. But Trump asked him to be his new Meatball at the Justice Department, so fine, whatever, he's here.

Also, he and Robert Mueller are BFFs, so stop asking questions about that.

10: 06:Barr pledges to let Mueller finish his work, but we couldn't tell if any of his fingers are crossed.

There's an interesting turn of phrase in his opening statement, though, as he explains that his infamous memo when he seemed to say Mueller was very misguided and that presidents can't obstruct justice:

As I explained in a recent letter to Ranking Member Feinstein, my memo was narrow in scope, explaining my thinking on a specific obstruction-of-justice theory under a single statute that I thought,based on media reports,the special counsel might be considering. The memo did not address — or in any way question — the special counsel's core investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. Nor did it address other potential obstruction-of-justice theories or argue, as some have erroneously suggested, that a president can never obstruct justice. I wrote it myself, on my own initiative, without assistance, andbased solely on public information.

You see it? It sounds like he's saying he wrote it based on what he knew at the time. And now he's saying this several days after we learned that the Mueller investigation began, in part, as an investigation into whether or not the president of the United States is a LITERAL ACTUAL RUSSIAN ASSET.

Wonder if he's feeling slightly different about what he wrote in that memo after this past weekend.

10: 08:Lindsey Graham goes right into questioning Barr about how the FBI opened an investigation into whether Trump is a LITERAL ACTUAL RUSSIAN ASSET, trying to get Barr on the record saying that is a bad investigation and suggesting that whomever did that had A AGENDA.

And now he's talking about FBI sexters Peter Strzok and Lisa Page. You know, in case you were curious if Lindsey Graham to work to be a grown-up today. (He didn't.)

10: 11:And now Lindsey Graham is spouting right-wing cow-fucking Devin Nunes conspiracy theories about the Carter Page FISA warrant, holy Jesus shit, this is going to be the most embarrassing fuckshow in the history of the Senate.

Barr promises Graham he will look into these conspiracy theories and "get to the bottom of" whatever happened in all these imaginary things that happened in Devin Nunes's fever dreams.

10: 14: GRAHAM: Do you think Jeff Sessions should have recused himself?

BARR: Yes.

GRAHAM: What do you think of Rod Rosenstein?

BARR: Nothin' but love, bro.

GRAHAM: Do you think Donald Trump can read more than one page at a time?

BARR: LOL!

10: 18:Bill Barr has so many friends. Not only is he BFFs with Robert Mueller, he is also friends with Abbe Lowell, who is the lawyer to ... * spins wheel of Trump world lawyers * ... JARED!

(This is not necessarily weird. DC is a small fucking town.)

10: 19:Dianne Feinstein's turn! Buncha rapid fire questions:

FEINSTEIN: Will you fuck with the scope of the Mueller investigation?

BARR: I will follow all the rules and regulations set out in the thingie Rod Rosenstein wrote when he appointed Mueller.

FEINSTEIN: Will you give Mueller the resources he needs?

BARR: Yeah.

FEINSTEIN: Will you promise not to terminate Mueller without case, consistent with Justice Department regs?

BARR: Yeah.

FEINSTEIN: If Mueller asks you for some shit and you say he can't have it, will you promise to tell Congress what you did?

BARR: I think the rules say I have to?

FEINSTEIN: Will you promise that the Mueller report will be available to Congress and also to the public?

BARR: As much as I am able to, within the regulations!

FEINSTEIN: Anybody told you any secret shit about the Mueller investigation?

BARR: I'll never tell! Just kidding, no.

This guy is a total fucking creature of DC, we are not sure if Trump knows what he has gotten himself into.

10: 27:FEINSTEIN: Would it be bad for the president to order the attorney general to quit doing an investigation for political reasons?

BARR: Abuse of power!

FEINSTEIN: What about firing US attorneys for political reasons?

BARR: No that's cool, they're political appointees.

FEINSTEIN: Did Trump ask you to represent him?

BARR: Uh sorta kinda not really I can tell you the whole story if you want but it's boring.

FEINSTEIN: Have you talked about the Mueller investigation with Trump or anybody in the White House?

BARR: Uh sorta kinda not really I can tell you the whole story if you want but it's boring.

AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR CHUCK GRASSLEY TO ASK SENILE QUESTIONS ABOUT CORN!

10: 38:Chuck Grassley has made many requests to the Justice Department and the FBI and he hasn't heard a PEEP! Is he gonna hear a PEEP from you, Mister? PROMISE HIM PEEPS, BILL!

10: 43:Barr is now talking about why he told Trump to fuck off when he was approached about possibly join the president's legal team. The short answer is that he didn't want to. Because that's a normal response when the president of the United States asks for your service.

(It's normal in the Trump era, at least.)

Anyway, he had a new client and he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel with his wife and blah blah blah.

10: 49:Time for another grown-up to ask questions, and it is Patrick Leahy, reciting a litany of facts about how Trump thinks the Justice Department is his personal toy, how Trump attacks the Justice Department and the Mueller investigation constantly, etc. Leahy says to Barr's face that it's a 100% certainty that Trump will cross the line with him.

So ...

Will Barr follow the recommendations of Justice Department ethics lawyers on whether or not to recuse from the Mueller investigation?

No, Barr says it's HIS decision, but he will definitely listen to their advice, though!

Next question:

LEAHY: Under what circumstances would you terminate the Mueller investigation or starve its funding?

BARR: Bob Mueller would never do a bad thing! But hypothetically he'd have to do something very bad .

10: 51:LEAHY: Whatchu think about any kind of bullshit claims of executive privilege that might be coming down the pike from the Trump White House?

BARR: Uh, I don't know what they are going to say ...

LEAHY: I know what the Supreme Court did with Nixon's bullshit executive privilege claims! You hear that thing Rudy Giuliani said about how he thinks they should get to "correct" the Mueller report before everybody sees it?

BARR: Nah gonna happen.

LEAHY: Hey pal, you were totally boned up for pardons back when you were working for Daddy Bush during Iran-Contra. Would it be cool with you if the president tried to pardon people in exchange for not incriminating him?

BARR: That would actually be a crime.

Barr studied all the right answers for these hearings, we'll give him that much!

10: 58:Just now, a brief conversation about whether Trump is allowed to just take appropriated moneys from the Defense Department to build WALL. Leahy started the questioning, and didn't get much from Barr, so Lindsey Graham (who really wants WALL) jumped in to ask again. Barr said he'd have to check into the regulations, and Graham was like PLEASE DO THAT, BECAUSE I WANT WALL. It was stupid.

11: 00:Barr says one of the reasons he was willing to take this position is because he is an #Old and is not scared to be independent, because it ain't like he's applying for another job in the future. So that's nice, we guess. (Of course, it's not nice if he's just as much of an idiot as Donald Trump is.)

11: 02:JOHN CORNYN: What about James Comey? Is he the worst, or is he INFINITY THE WORST?

BARR: That thing he did when he talked shit about Hillary Clinton for a million minutes, then exonerated her in the email investigation, that was kinda weird. But I figured that was just what Comey and Loretta Lynch had decided. Anyway, he's not the worst. He's "extremely gifted," but yeah that was super fuckin' weird.

CORNYN: What about that time Comey threw a wrench in the 2016 election ELEVEN DAYS BEFORE IT HAPPENED, by mysteriously finding "new" Clinton emails on Anthony Weiner's laptop?

BARR: That was HERKY-JERKY! But my feeling on that was he kinda had to, after his weird performance the summer before.

11: 06:Cornyn is trying to get Barr to say it was just super unfair of the FBI to open a counterintelligence investigation into whether or not Trump is a literal Russian agent. He's not biting. Says he'll surely find out all the secret stuff that led to that when he's confirmed!

11: 08:Democrat Dick Durbin begins his questioning by basically asking that, based on how Trump treated Jeff Sessions, based on how he's treated literally everybody, based on how most people are LEAVING the Trump administration, not going INTO it, then why the fuck does Barr even want this job?

Barr says he thinks he can really go in there and be a helper. When Mr. Rogers said look for the helpers, he was talking about Bill Barr. (Little known fact.)

11: 11:BARR: "I will not be bullied into doing anything I think is wrong." Like we've said, he's saying all the right things! We'll just have to see if he lives up to it.

11: 13:DURBIN: Hey asshole, what you think about Jeff Sessions doing zero tolerance at the border and putting babies in baby jails?

BARR: Yammer yammer yammer.

11: 21:We are coming up on a break! Right now Mike Lee of Utah is talking and he rarely if ever adds anything to the conversation so zzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

11: 30:OK, as we move into a break, our initial thoughts on this dude are that it could be much worse, that this dude is such a freaking DC creature, which means he's an institutionalist, and that if you watched your Rachel Maddow last night, we think this guy thinks of himself as William Saxbe, who was Nixon's last attorney general.

And we will be back in 45 minutes!

11: 37:The smart lawyers on the MSNBC point out that there's two major problems with the hearing so far:

1) Barr's refusal to pledge to follow Justice Department ethics guidance on whether he should recuse. Because he simply doesn't wanna! However, it's possible that he knows that if he recuses, he goes directly down the Jeff Sessions road, and he's too smart to do that.

2) Nobody has asked him what he'd do if Trump ordered him to fire Mueller. Somebody needs to ask that, about nine times.

12: 19:And we are back! First questioner is Sheldon Whitehouse from Rhode Island, who was just talking to Lindsey Graham and he is like three feet taller than Lindsey Graham!

Anyway, Whitehouse's first question is whether Rod Rosenstein's imminent departure had anything to do with Barr. Barr says nah.

12: 24:Whitehouse and Barr just had a WITTY REPARTEE thing about how Barr loves writing legal citations and Whitehouse is like hey dude, if you can do legal citations, you're smarter than literally everybody else Donald Trump has ever met, and then they all laughed with a jolly demeanor!

Now Whitehouse is asking Barr about the current fake pretend acting attorney general, Meatball McPeenerToilet, about how Meatball McPeenerToilet was paid a million dollars by unknown donors in his earlier work, and how can ethics people at Justice determine if McPeenerToilet needs to recuse if you don't even know who's been paying the dude?

12: 30:Look, everybody! The GOP has a woman on the Judiciary Committee! Two of them, in fact! Everybody take note of the fact that sexism is over now, OK?!

12: 39:Joni Ernst's questioning was a lot of blah blah blah about immigration and sanctuary cities and how everybody on Iowa does so much meth that their kids are full of meth.

Now it's time for Amy Klobuchar, who maybe might be running for president!

Klobuchar is curious what Barr thinks about this dumbfucking shutdown over WALL.

He says we need border security, and also BARRIER. By which he means WALL.

Klobuchar is curious if Barr knows about all the times the Senate has passed strong border security.

Barr says we need BARRIER and SLAT and WALL.

But anyway, about the FBI!

KLOBUCHAR: I think Chris Wray is doing a pretty good job and isn't a total dick.

BARR: Agree!

KLOBUCHAR: So about your stupid memo, is it obstruction if a president persuades somebody to commit perjury?

BARR: Yup.

KLOBUCHAR: And if a president tampers with evidence or pressures witnesses or hints at pardons, is that obstruction?

BARR: I'd have to know the specifics, I guess.

KLOBUCHAR: What about if a president drafted a false statement to conceal the true purpose of a meeting? (She's talking about Junior's treason meeting in June 2016.)

BARR: I'd have to know the specifics!

KLOBUCHAR: I just told you the specifics, Captain Dumb. Anyway, fuck is wrong with Meatball Whitaker, not recusing himself from the Mueller investigation?

BARR: I'd have to know the specifics!

Guys, he needs to know the specifics.

12: 47:KLOBUCHAR: You say you're into election integrity. Are backup paper ballots a good idea?

BARR: I'd have to know the ...

KLOBUCHAR: They are, moron.

12: 52:If you are a person who has sexual feelings about the current composition of hair on Ted Cruz's head and face, oh boy do we have a treat for you:

12: 57:Ted Cruz goes through a long bullshit soliloquy about how we should all agree there shouldn't be a Republican DOJ or a Democratic DOJ, how everything should be fair.

Then he says a conspiracy theory about how the Obama IRS did persecution to Republican groups. Because Republican desires for "fairness" are actually a desire for the government to treat Republicans as pure and good and blameless at all times.

1: 05:Democratic Senator Chris Coons is up, and he's quoting from the confirmation hearings for Nixon attorney general Elliot Richardson, who was fired in the Saturday Night Massacre.

Does Barr want Robert Mueller to be able to complete his investigation, no matter where it ends up and no matter who is implicated?

Barr's response was LACKING. But he did say he wants Mueller to be able to do what Mueller needs to do.

Oh, and here comes the question!

COONS: What if Trump asked you to change the special counsel regulations?

BARR: Not during the investigation, nope.

COONS: If Trump ordered you to fire Mueller, would you do what Trump said?

BARR: Assuming there was no good cause?

COONS: Assuming there was no good cause.

BARR: I would not carry out that instruction.

Well, OK then.

1: 13:And another important question! Coons asks Barr if he would interfere with Robert Mueller's right to seek testimony from Donald Trump. Barr will not pledge not to do so, but instead repeats that he would follow established practices, and that as long as it didn't "violate the established policies," he wouldn't mess with it.

BUT HE NEEDS TO KNOW THE SPECIFICS.

Coons ends by reminding Barr that Mueller is his very good friend and can't you trust your very good friend?

1: 16:GOP Senator Ben Sasse with a solid question: Is Putin good or bad?

Bill Barr needs to know the specifics, but he feels generally comfortable saying Putin is bad and that his goals run counter to ours. That said, Bill Barr believes our greatest rival is 'GINA, but he didn't say it like 'GINA the way Trump says it, because Bill Barr speaks English.

1: 28:Dick Blumenthal and Bill Barr seem to be having a CONFUSE!

Blumenthal thinks it is "stomach-turning" that the FBI had to open an investigation into whether or not Trump is a literal actual Russian agent.

Barr seems to think it was "stomach-turning" to read Peter Strzok's texts. (?)

OH NO, AN IMPASSE BETWEEN A PATRIOT AND A MORON.

1: 31:Know how we've been saying Barr has been answering the questions correctly and that it could obviously be so much worse?

Well, his wingnut just leaked out.

1: 34:Richard Blumenthal also just curious if Bill Barr will pledge to keep his fuckin' nose out of other prosecutors investigating Trump, like the ones in the Southern District of New York who have named Trump as an unindicted co-conspirator. Bill Barr would need to know all the information!

He does say, in essence, that he doesn't really give a care about Trump's "red lines," where he says Mueller investigating his finances should be off limits. He says the scope of the Mueller investigation should be what Rod Rosenstein wrote it out to be.

1: 36:BLUMENTHAL: You said in 1991 that Roe v. Wade should be overturned. Would you defend it if it was challenged?

BARR: Durrrrrrrrrrr, established precedent! (He does say he would enforce the Clinic Access Protection Act, so that's good.)

1: 39:Look, it's Claire McCaskill's replacement. He's A Idiot.

1: 45:Missed this when it he said it, but MSNBC smart legal analyst person didn't:

Ruh roh. Barr backing away from telling us the whole truth about the Mueller Report. Now calling it “The AG’s Report.” Bad sign.

— Cynthia Alksne (@Cynthia Alksne) 1547577115.0 

Guess we're gonna have to listen close to this fucker now. Dammit.

1: 47:Mazie Hirono begins her questioning by saying she's cool with working with the good Lindsey Graham, but she's not so sure about the other Lindsey Graham, the one everybody hates.

Then she asks if Bill Barr has ever had any sexual misconduct problems, probably because it's good to just be sure with any Trump appointee.

Then she asks about Matthew Whitaker's refusal to recuse, notes that it sounds like Barr plans to follow the Meatball Model when it comes to his own recusal decisions, and DO YOU SEE WHY THIS MIGHT BE A PROBLEM?

We're getting to the fun senators now, y'all. Wake up.

1: 52:HIRONO: Donald Trump is literally under investigation by everybody for everything. Is there any reason you would interfere with any of those investigations?

BARR: No I don't think so!

HIRONO: Your dumb memo was about how it's bad to investigate the president for obstruction of justice. Will you pledge that you won't try to end Mueller's investigation into obstruction?

BARR: I don't even know what he's investigating!

This man is good at not answering questions.

1: 56: William Barr is against consent decrees to address systemic police misconduct, just like Jeff Sessions was. Mazie Hirono is handing him his ass over it.

And now it is time for a 10-minute break!

2: 12:Just a few senators left, at least in the first round!

Here's Senator Kennedy of Louisiana, to yammer questions about whether William Barr has ever seen the grown man named his lord and savior Jesus Christ naked. (Or whatever.)

Kennedy also thinks the FBI investigation into whether Trump is a literal actual Russian agent is the devil, but he's even more chicken-fuckin' mad that it leaked! What's Bill Barr gonna do about the leaks!

2: 16:Kennedy just wasted more time by asking Barr if he thinks his Catholicism should bar him from public office, because according to Kennedy, "some of his colleagues" think it should. This is a fucking hick lie about Mazie Hirono and Kamala Harris, who have raised real concerns about the extreme views of a Trump judicial nominee who happens to be Catholic. As always, the question is whether you can leave your religious dogma at home when it's time to go to your SECULAR GOVERNMENT JOB.

Know who else is pushing this bullshit right-wing lie? Tulsi Fucking Gabbard. 

2: 24:Cory Booker! It is his turn! He starts by asking Bill Barr if he's going to go on the same Pot Hunt that Jeff Sessions was on. It sounds like he isn't, but he also personally thinks all the Pots should be illegal. Dipshit.

2: 30:Booker going hard after Barr's past writings about disparities between how blacks and whites are treated in our criminal justice system. (Barr doesn't really believe the problem is that bad. Booker correctly disagrees.)

Barr says he will study the thing Cory Booker wants him to study, but he says all the stuff Booker is talking about is from the 1990s, which was a different time, and there was way more crime then, therefore the racism was OK.

Or something.

2: 33:Y'all, if you need to put your seatbelts on and hold on to something for support, Marsha Blackburn is in the United States Senate now and we think she's next. Seriously, they are going to let her ask questions in a hearing with the grown-ups . We never thought this would be a situation, but it's a situation.

Marsha Blackburn's question is How Do You Plan To Be President Of The Justice Department?

His answer is some words, it's not very interesting.

2: 40:Marsha Blackburn also says Bill Barr's grandchild Liam should get whatever he wants for dinner tonight, because he's being a very good boy.

Blackburn's next question is "You say Mueller is your friend. Would Mueller say nice things about you?" He says he's not going to put words in Mueller's mouth, but he hopes his friend loves him very much too.

Can we please get to Kamala Harris now?

2: 46:Marsha Blackburn has been speaking word salad about tech privacy issues. We are not A Expert on these issues, but we are A Expert on nouns and verbs, and we are certain Blackburn has not been speaking in English sentences. Barr does not seem to think she has, either, as his answers have been a bit tentative , in the "I do not know if I am answering your question but I'm just going to go for it" sort of way.

Can we please get to Kamala Harris now?

2: 49:KAMALA!

Here we go:

HARRIS: You told Joni Ernst you wanted a "barrier" at the border. Did you mean WALL?

BARR: I meant SHRUG.

HARRIS: Did you know most of the drugs come through ports of entry, therefore it's time for you to go sit in the corner for saying such a dumb thing to Joni Ernst?

BARR: Durrrrrrrrrrrr!

HARRIS: Once again, you gonna fuck with states that have legalized marijuana?

BARR: No, but I really think Congress should settle it once and for all.

HARRIS: Now, Mueller! You wouldn't pledge to listen to the ethics lawyers at Justice on the recusal issue. Why would you ignore their advice, and under what scenario would you do that?

BARR: If I thought they were wrong.

HARRIS: On what basis?

BARR: The facts!

HARRIS: What facts? Who the fuck are you?

BARR: It's a judgment call!

HARRIS: Seriously, why would you ignore them and tell them to fuck off?

BARR: If I disagreed with them!

HARRIS: You told Dianne Feinstein a thing and you told Dick Durbin a thing and I am the best prosecutor in the entire world so I'm going to do all the follow-up questions they didn't do, so if you'll please lie down while I roast you alive, that would please me.

BARR: Yes, ma'am.

2: 58:Harris finishes by nailing Barr on the shitty-ass private prison-industrial complex, and gets him to commit to LEARN A BOOK about it. And he says he will!

Thom Tillis from North Carolina just started questioning, so we're sure that's gonna be super interesting. Meanwhile, MSNBC just cut in to tell everybody that Theresa May's Brexit deal failed.

3: 06:Heh, good quote from Barr on the prospect of removing Mueller from his position:

"There hasn't been a special counsel removed since Archibald Cox, and that didn't work out too well ..."

3: 10:OK, first round over! Second round begins!

Chuck Grassley begins asking questions! We don't care! Gonna take five minutes and move around!

3: 26:We are back. The senators are kind of doing quick lightning round-style things. Dianne Feinstein got Barr on record saying he is against torture. John Cornyn has Barr talking about how FUCKIN' AWESOME guns are. And then they are going to talk about China.

We again find ourselves in that weird place where it's gonna be a boring string of senators for a few minutes, so if we don't update every five seconds, DON'T GET SCARED, WE ARE STILL HERE.

3: 36:Patrick Leahy asks Barr what the fuck was up with him saying the FBI should look harder into Hillary Clinton's Uranium One thing. Barr responds with a bunch of meandering gibberish and basically admits he was talking out his ass. (There's his wingnut leaking out again.) Leahy notes that since the whole thing has been debunked, we probably don't need to worry abou that, now do we?

3: 39:LEAHY: Wouldn't you say the shutdown is having an effect on our law enforcement?

BARR: Not having WALL is having effect on law enforcement!

LEAHY: No, not paying law enforcement is having an effect on law enforcement.

3: 47:Ben Sasse just finished a long line of questioning on the DOJ's mishandling of the Jeffrey Epstein case, and got some commitments from Barr on that.

Now it's Dick Durbin's turn to politely inform Barr that all the Republicans are full of shit about how a wall would stop drugs at the border, since they ALL COME THROUGH THE PORTS OF ENTRY. You shouldn't be wasting money on WALL when you can spend some good money on 21ST CENTURY TECHNOLOGY, JESUS CHRIST.

3: 54:Josh Hawley, the fresh wad of turd from Missouri, is very upset that mean liberal district courts strike down things like the Trump administration's exemption on the Obamacare requirement for contraceptive coverage, and then they get to issue NATIONWIDE INJUNCTIONS against it! It's like they think they are federal judges or something!

Bill Barr is super mad about this too.

4: 08:OK kids, our eyes are crossing, and they're pushing through right now, but we think we all have a good idea of who dude is, and that he's totally getting confirmed. We will check back in here later with any amazing highlights that have happened, and then we'll be ready to do it all again tomorrow! Sound fabulous?

Nope, us neither. Gonna be way more fun when we're liveblogging MICHAEL COHEN TESTIFYING TO CONGRESS IN FEBRUARY.

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