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LIVEBLOGGING KEVIN MCCARTHY'S ... Oh Shoot.
Why exactly does he want this?
I would have liveblogged at ya last night, but Shy didn't remind me till 10: 30 that the House had reconvened and I figured they would adjourn again real quicklike and then two hours later it was just me and Donna Rose on the couch yelling DUMB QUITTER LOSER GAHHHHHH at Matt Gaetz for folding like a common Kevin McCarthy. And after I'd ... complimented him, too! MATT GAETZ!
YESTERDAY! I COMPLIMENTED HIM! Ugh gross. Who Will Lose The House Speaker's Race Today? Day Four LIVEBLOG!
So now I will liveblog at you from memory what happened last night before I went to bed and stayed up till 4: 30 watching "I'm Dying Up Here," which is a really frankly excellent comedy-drama series about a bunch of young comics in the '70s at Not Mitzi Shore's Comedy Store. Have you seen it? Recommend!
10: 30 p.m.:Rebecca starts watching the House again, figuring it will adjourn again with a quickness. But TRICK! It does not!
11 p.m.-12: 30 a.m.:Dumb loser Kevin McCarthy offers dumb losers Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert everything in the world and they still say no. Respect!
Somewhere in there: In vote number 14, after Gaetz and Boebs have apparently gone on Fox News and smirked that sure yeah they'll give in or something, they in fact donot do that. Boebs was supposed to vote for McCarthy, but instead she votes "present," and it's unclear whether she didn't understand the plan (vote for McCarthy so Gaetz could keep his nose clean, just kidding every time that guy sneezes it's a rent payment, HEY it's a cocaine joke I just stole from "I'm Dying Up Here") or if she decided fuck you YOU vote for McCarthy and I'LL be present. I'm going with the first one. I don't think she's very smart.
So that's vote 14, and McCarthy and his friends are FREAKING OUT and they all surround Matt Gaetz, and McCarthy goes over there to physically beg and then walks away all FUCK THAT GUY and then they call to adjourn and the noes have not-adjourning but then THEN Matt Gaetz changes his mind like a fucking quitter and after somebody threatens to beat him up (???) and gets dragged bodily away by his face, Gaetz decides he will say yes to the dress in vote 15 and oh I cannot wait for him to get up there and do a PSYYYYCH, like reaching to shake McCarthy's hand but then smoothing back his stupid Gumby hair instead.
So Kevin McCarthy RUNS to change his vote to no on adjournment, they will do vote 15 after all, and ...
12: 30 a.m.:Matt Gaetz just fuckin votes for him. After all that. Or votes present, I honestly don't remember, I was up really late watching TV.
Kevin McCarthy has given everything away to the House's nuttiest idiots, and Matt Gaetz finally took whatever last night's bribe was. (People are supposing he'll get to be in charge of the subcommittee on military personnel so he can be in charge of "woke military," so that should be "fun.") I'm not all that concerned about the debt ceiling — Joe Biden is just going to have to mint the coin — and no, they couldn't have gotten rid of the damned thing all together when Nancy Pelosi still held the House, because Nancy Pelosi is not in fact in charge of Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin (Brian Schatz of Hawaii confirms their votes were "not obtainable"). Besides the debt ceiling, and of course our friends in Ukraine who LOVE US VERY MUCH THANK YOU , most of what's going to happen is it's going to be a damned circus, and it was going to be anyway.
But at least I don't have to deal with that gross unwanted feeling of respecting Matt Gaetz anymore. That guy's a wang.