Local College Will Not Let Kids Rent Out Rooms For Inauguration

We all know that Northern Virginia's George Mason University is run by a bunch of no-fun goons who hate happiness in all of its various flavors. It's worse than we'd imagined, however: they now hate capitalism, America's famous system of economics. University administrators today sent out an e-mail to students threatening violent "discipline" if they rent out their dorm rooms to desperate strangers during Inauguration, a creative free-market idea that could help the University in the long run, as all students will otherwise default on their loans within several years because of Deflation. The shocking e-mail, below.

From:

Date: Fri, Dec 12, 2008 at 4:42 PM

Subject: Residence Hall Agreement Reminder

To: [redacted]@gmu.edu

Dear [redacted],

As you finish finals and the semester winds down, we hope that you found living on campus at George Mason University to be beneficial to your academic pursuits. When classes resume in January, we hope that the residence halls continue to provide a collegial, supportive environment.

The Washington, D.C. area will be in the spotlight early next year as President-elect Barack Obama is sworn into office on January 20, 2009, Inauguration Day. Many news stories since the election have documented the shortage of hotel space in the region for the expected thousands of spectators. We would like to remind you that your housing agreement permits only you to occupy the space assigned to you in the residence halls. Your Residence Hall License Agreement and Dining Service Agreement states, "The residence and dining service provided by this Agreement may not be sold, loaned, sub-let, or transferred." For the safety of your own property and your fellow residents, do not solicit offers for your space in the residence halls. Residents who do so will be subject to disciplinary action.

Our residential communities thrive when residents understand their responsibilities. This includes adhering to the Residence Life Standards enumerated in the Guide to P.R.I.D.E.

Good luck with finals and have a relaxing winter break.

Ha ha, the students are forced to follow rules in a gay book called "Guide to P.R.I.D.E." Don't listen to this gay rule, kids. Make money wherever money's to be made!