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Look At All The Beautiful White People On Donald Trump's VP Short List!
HE ONLY HAS ONE ROSE TO GIVE.
Hooray, it's time for Donald Trump to pick a man or lady or woodland creature to be his running mate, so we can find out who will be our president on the off chance Hillary is hit by a boulder, and Donald Trump gets bored of presidenting on his third or fourth day in office.
Trump met with Iowa hog-castratin' lady Sen. Joni Ernst Monday, and she said they had a good time! They probably sat around wearing bread bags on their feets and talked about how to Make America Great Again. Will she be Trump's running mate? Maaaaaybe , but Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort has said previously that Trump's veepstakes is no girls allowed, and no racial minorities, because it would be pandering and racist for him to pick people like that. So maybe not?
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/ben-carson-brings-trademark-enthusiasm-to-endorsement-of-donald-trumps-major-defects"></a>[/wonkbar]But The Hill says on account of how literally no demographic besides stupid resentful white man-babies likes Trump, he might make an exception and do a lady like Ernst, or Jan Brewer ( ooh! ) or Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn ( LOLOL ) or Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin ( ugh ). Or he could do a different kind of minority outreach and ask Ben Carson to bring his broken brain and all his stabbing knives to the Trump campaign, as his running mate. Sure, Carson seems to kind of hate Trump, and talked about Trump's "major defects" when he endorsed him, but whatevs!
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/everyone-is-laughing-at-that-poor-dumb-idiot-indiana-gov-mike-pence"></a>[/wonkbar]But maybe Trump won't be totally unfair to the white man penis-havers, in his veepstakes. He also met with white idiot boy Indiana Gov. Mike Pence this weekend! Pence is a deeply stupid man beloved by Christian conservatives, and he didn't like Trump so much to begin with, preferring the soothing, dulcet wingnut sounds of the Canadian Ted Cruz. But maybe now Trump and Pence can do political marriage to each other, and will live happily ever after as the sexxxy GOP couple what lost to Hillary in 2016.
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/trump-snatches-oreos-from-chris-christies-slavering-maw"></a>[/wonkbar]Also white is New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who is not allowed to eat all the Oreos he wants on the Trump campaign trail, because Trump is mean. HOWEVER, he reportedly gets to go through the McDonald's drive-thru, and he's probably allowed to order as many snax as he wants there. Christie would be a splendid vice president, even though he would leave crumbs everywhere.
Or what about known white man Newt Gingrich? His name is coming up a lot! He's already told America to lie back and take the Trumpening it so deserves, and hey, Newtie and Trump have a lot in common, what with all the adultery and the various ex-wives.
But golly gosh, let's not forget there are several other dumb crackers possibly being considered as Trump's running mate. Like pissant fuckbaby Sen. Tom Cotton, who thinks he is the boss of Iran (he says he's not being vetted, but he might be lying)! Or Sen. Bob Corker or Sen. Jeff Sessions, they are very dumb Trump-loving dildo-brains with pearly white man skin!
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/splodey-heads-are-sploding-all-over-your-weekly-top-ten"></a>[/wonkbar]Anyway, those are all or most of Trump's VP picks. They're all lovely, we guess, but none of them are Sarah Palin, and Wonkette's splodey head will not be sploding about Trump's running mate unless he picks Our Sarah, so fuck all those whiteys (and Ben Carson).