Made Up By A Dude. Tabs, Wed., Feb. 11, 2026

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Good morning, it’s time for tabs!

I’m really not buying the FBI’s conclusion that Epstein and Maxwell only pimped to themselves. I guess they never found “Snow White.” (ABC News)

Back in the day, Trump used to know Jeffrey Epstein was a pedophile and Maxwell was “evil.” I guess his memory’s worse than we knew! Also whichever current FBI official denied that file was in the files, maybe isn’t that great at their job either! (Gift link Miami Herald)

Even the worst Republican congresswomen are puking themselves over the unredacted Epstein Files. (Tiedrich)

Except this lady apparently, who knows who the real child-raper is. It’s Abuela!

Hint for Rep. Lisa McClain: The Democrats didn’t let out any actual criminals; the whole thing under Obama and Biden was to focus enforcement efforts actually on criminals and leave Abuela alone. Did Donald Trump reverse that for the sake of reversing it? Oh did he ever. Never gonna stop posting this from the Cato Institute! (Cato Institute)

But two ICE agents say the Irish guy with the American wife, American business, 20-year residency, and valid work permit agreed to be deported, and why would they lie? (Irish Times)

Holy WOW the New York Times is lying about American support for ICE. Like, bad. (Jamison Foser)

Sen. Lisa Murkowski is having her regular Sane Break, all like “it’s bad to disenfranchise Rebecca’s mom, let’s do not that.” (NBC News)

How badly is the Trump administration fucking consumers? This badly! (And I don’t think they’re even counting all the convicted fraudsters he pardoned who had their mandated restitution wiped clean.) (Senate Banking Democrats)

But it’s cool if the IRS pays Trump $10 billion to make up for all those taxes he never paid, because “charity.” STOP LAUGHING. (The Bulwark)

Everything you need to know about why Bad Bunny focused on Puerto Rico’s power grid at the Super Bowl halftime show. Like, I knew about the grid, and I don’t think I knew DOGE cut all the billions of dollars from fixing it! (Scientific American)

House Republicans say they’re investigating Bad Bunny. Okay. (Bluesky)

If you outlaw Ace bandages only outlaws will … wait. (Rewire)

Donna and her friends were so bad at our New Year’s Eve fondue slumber party that I swore off parties for the entire year. Me! The world’s only party thrower! But Garrett Bucks says we all should be throwing more of them! Sure, Garrett, just as soon as 2027 rolls around. I made a promise (no more parties) and I intend to keep it. (White Pages)

They want to lock up our daughters. (Abortion, Every Day)

How has Jax not updated this teen pop song yet that my daughter loves? “She was made up by a dude who denies all wrongdoing with regards to Jeffrey Epstein and in fact was the real victim.” Eh, she could probably find a rhyme.

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