Madison Cawthorn Gonna Have To Horseplay Cousin In Private Sector, We Guess

That next GOP coke boner orgy is going to be hella awkward. Allegedly.

Last night GOP Rep. Madison Cawthorn did the first and only decent thing he's ever done in his short, feckless life. Shortly after 10 p.m., he called up GOP state Sen. Chuck Edwards, and conceded the primary.

"Congratulations to @ChuckEdwards4NC on securing the nomination tonight," he tweeted shortly after. "It’s time for the NC-11 GOP to rally behind the Republican ticket to defeat the Democrats’ nominee this November."

Thus ends the brief, embarrassing political career of the youngest member of Congress in five decades, who found out the hard way that pissing off the Republican establishment in your home state and embarrassing the shit out of your colleagues in DC can be bad for your political health. Because there's absolutely no question who shivved the 26-year-old man child — and it sure as hell wasn't the Blue Team.

The GOP might have been annoyed when Congressman Boy Band called Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy a "thug," but they were livid when he started blabbing about Republican electeds throwing coke boner orgies .

In November, the freshman congressman abruptly announced he was switching districts, blocking the candidacy of Republican state House Speaker Tim Moore, whom Cawthorn described as "another establishment go-along-to-get-along Republican." Blindsiding your own party isn't exactly a galaxy brain political move, and then this genius didn't even wind up switching districts!

Pissing off people with a lot of political capital is a weird choice, but it's one Cawthorn made a lot, routinely attacking GOP Sens. Thom Tillis and Richard Burr, both of whom are pretty popular in the Tar Heel state. If no member of your state's congressional delegation has endorsed you, and the two senators have both come out against you and raised money for your primary challenger,  you done fucked up . 

So the past month has seen regular drops of videos of Cawthorn acting like the teenage douchebro in a John Hughes movie. Which left us here at your Wonkette kinda conflicted, since we obviously wanted that guy gone, but also found it pretty filthy how the GOP went full gay panic on Cawthorn in an effort to turn North Carolina Republicans against him. Because Cawthorn's Venmo messages to his male aide/cousin for stupid shit like "getting naked for me in Sweden" were clearly a joke, and the "funny" part was "haw haw, I ain't no sissy queer." Ditto for the photos of him inwomen's underwear and the video of him cavorting naked in bed with said aide.

No one gave a rat's ass about Cawthorn constantly getting caught driving recklessly and trying to take guns on airplanes, much less his role in fomenting an insurrection. But whoever was doing those oppo drops clearly meant to smear Cawthorn by releasing a video of the congressman getting his crotch (sort of kind of) groped by a man. The obvious implication is that Cawthorn is secretly gay, which is gross and bad and a reason not to vote for him. And it worked! Even Donald Trump was wondering aloud if the allegation against the little dipshit was that he was “fucking his cousin.” 

Not that Trump withdrew his endorsement. “When Madison was first elected to Congress, he did a great job,” Trump gushed on Truth Social earlier this week. “Recently, he made some foolish mistakes, which I don’t believe he’ll make again…let’s give Madison a second chance!”

"No matter what you are facing, when Donald Trump has your back, he has your back to the end," said  no one everCawthorn. But even Trump's endorsement wasn't enough to push him over the finish line in the face of this smear campaign.

“You know what? I'll tell you, there's been a coordinated strike carried out by, really, kind of the old establishment wing of our party,” Cawthorn said Tuesday before the votes had been tabulated. “And it's really something that I think is a loser's mentality. They realize the direction the country's going in, the direction that the population's going in, and if they want to be able to pay off people from my past to try and bring up old pictures or things that happened years and years ago, I feel free to let them do that. I think the American people will see through that.”

So much for the "loser's mentality." Those guys played the homophobia card, and it was a winner. So, good riddance. And also, UGHHHHHHHHH.

[ Asheville Citizen-Times / Blue Ridge Public Radio ]

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