MAGA Creeps Think Venezuela Attack Will Prove 2020 Election Fraud, Get Them Hot Girlfriends
And some other unhinged takes.
This past weekend, Donald Trump once again proved what I’ve been saying since 2016 — that he’s not actually anti-war, has never been anti-war, and only ever pretended to be anti-war in order to take advantage of the fact that anti-war left-wing voters were, to put it mildly, not thrilled by Hillary Clinton’s foreign policy stances. It was always disingenuous as hell, and anyone with half a brain should have been able to see right through it — as well as through all of the people who beat the Iraq War drum for so many years until suddenly deciding to become “non-interventionists.” Especially since they made it pretty clear that their issue wasn’t with attacking other nations for fun and jingoism so much as the part where the US spends money to help them afterwards.
This would be why only a small percentage of those “non-interventionists” have had issues with our recent exploits in the Middle East. After all, it’s not like we were doing regime change, which was the thing, they said, that was really the issue.
But apparently all you need to do to resurrect the regime change boners of the Right is to go and bomb another sovereign nation for oil. Indeed, it went over so well that Trump has already “hinted” at plans to take over (said out loud that he should) various other nations and territories in a similar fashion.
Since then, we’ve seen a number of absolutely deranged takes on the situation from MAGA chuds absolutely delighted by how the deaths of at least 80 people and the destruction of their homes are going to improve their own sad lives in some capacity.
This Is All Fine, Actually, Because Monroe Doctrine
As it turns out, the issue the Right had with “interventionism” was not that it’s bad to kill people in other countries, but that they didn’t feel it benefited them enough. This kind of thing is okay because we’re doing it for oil, and because the Monroe Doctrine said that we are supposed to control the entire Western Hemisphere (a doctrine not weighed in on by the rest of said Western Hemisphere).
Granted, the actual Monroe Doctrine, prior to being used to justify US imperialism, was meant to prevent Europe from re-colonizing Latin American nations, but whatevs! Now it means that Trump gets to take over both North and South America and invade whatever country he wants so long as it’s on this side of the world.
Why? Cause it’s like, totally cool.
And sure, some are trying to claim that there are some national security interests here, but most really just want to go around swinging a big dick.
Speaking of which …
Invading Venezuela Means We Get Girlfriends! Or Wives! Or Just Female Vessels We Can Impregnate!
Right-wing men have spent the last 10 years making themselves so utterly repugnant that no woman in her right mind would want jack shit to do with them. Yet, at the same time, they’re also all extremely obsessed with the idea of getting to have stay-at-home wives who cook, clean, and churn out their babies without ever a thought for themselves, so they’re all completely miserable. Whoops!
They’ve tried their little hearts out to convince the women of the United States that we would be happier this way, so much happier being at home with these men’s children instead of “climbing the corporate ladder.” They obsess over the idea of women “hitting the wall” in hopes of scaring young girls into marrying out of desperation … and yet no one really seems to be taking their bait.
I mean — we’re doing just fine. They’re the ones having a “loneliness crisis.”
Well, a few of these fellas now think that they’ve found a solution to their woes: the very same Venezuelan women they were, just a moment ago, trying to have deported.
So hard to imagine why these fellas can’t find anyone in the United States! Or why they haven’t yet ended up on 90 Day Fiancé, doling out self-esteem-ectomies in the hopes that hot women 30 years their junior living in poor countries will think they’re getting a real catch.
Unless they’re all actually Big Ed, which they very well could be. IYKYK.
Note that not one of them thinks that Venezuelan women would be interested in them for their sparkling personalities or even their good looks, but rather because those women are desperately poor or because Trump would force them. It says a lot.
But The Big Dream …
The big dream, for many of these definitely sane folks is that they think this whole thing is actually all about proving that the 2020 election was stolen. And this one, unsurprisingly, is coming from inside the (White) house.
Trump is once again excitedly sharing posts on his Truth Social site promoting the absurd conspiracy that the 2020 election was stolen from him — a thing he could probably prove, had it happened, given that he is President again.
Right-wing grifter and noted plagiarist Benny Johnson claims to have spoken to someone who says that Maduro told him directly that he stole the 2020 election from Donald Trump, which just seems very believable.
Well, Nicolás Maduro knows where all the bodies are buried. Venezuela is effectively just a proxy state that was being run by Russia and China and Iran. They were running operations here against America using, yes, the election rigging technology, also using chemical warfare, this in the form of fentanyl, and biological warfare in the form of flooding our nation with Third World criminal aliens, migrants to collapse our systems. Right? And this is what they're doing. This is the Cloward-Piven model.
You flood welfare states with criminal aliens that need to suck up all the welfare and resources, and you eventually get to a point where your debt is so big, becomes untenable and it collapses.
Just to be clear, that is not the Cloward-Piven strategy. The Cloward-Piven strategy was to overload the system with an increase in welfare claims, which was meant to ultimately lead to the creation of a universal basic income and an end to poverty. Not making anything “collapse.”
So whether it's killing people, millions of people with fentanyl, which is a chemical weapon or biological weapon, or destroying democracy with electronic weapons, like the electronic voting systems. […]
Nicolás Maduro might be Trump's final revenge for the election theft of 2020. If he begins to sing like a canary — which he will, they always do — then who will he give up? Soros? China? Left-wing NGOs? Left-wing billionaires? Who was funding his regime? How they stole the election? He'll sing. He'll tell them everything. They got his wife. This is why they took him alive. I learned all this from my conversation, and it really checks out, quite frankly. It really checks out.
It checks out, you guys! It checks out.
This is also the popular theory on the Great Awakening QAnon board, because of course it is. I’m sure we’ll get some even more interesting theories in the coming days, as the spaghetti slides off the wall, but they’re already off to a pretty cringe-inducing start.
OPEN THREAD.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
When Harry Met Bear
https://open.substack.com/pub/ziggywiggy/p/when-harry-met-bear?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
"They obsess over the idea of women “hitting the wall” in hopes of scaring young girls into marrying out of desperation"
I hope you fail so that you marry me instead! What a mindset.