MAGA World Can't Believe Sturgeon-Humping Norwegians Didn't Give Nobel Prize To Heroic Peacemaker Donald Trump

Do they give Nobels for whining? He certainly has a shot at that.

Either disappointed about the Nobel or made an oopsie in his diap-diap, hard to tell.

It is so very, very, very fucked up that on the day the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded to Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Corina Machado, so much of the media coverage is about the galactically pathetic loser, Donald Trump, who didn’t win it despite openly lobbying for it like it was a goddamn People’s Choice Award.

Though to be fair, in Trump’s mind there probably isn’t a difference between a Nobel Peace Prize and a People’s Choice Award. Both are awards that he could theoretically win, if only the Nobel committee/the E! network wasn’t full of Trump haters. What else does anyone need to know?

And yet, because our smooth-brained husk of a president is so excellent at making everything about himself, in the run-up to Friday you could read speculation that he might find ways to take revenge on Norway if he didn’t win. This despite the Norwegian government not actually having anything to do with choosing the winner,

That hadn’t stopped Trump from trying, because what ever does? In July, he called Norway’s finance minister, Jens Stoltenberg, to lobby for himself. And in his speech to the UN General Assembly in September, he recovered from the brutal assassination attempt against him by one of the building’s escalators to tell the assembled diplomats that he should win the award.

So when the news broke that the award was going to Machado, the White House sniffed that the Nobel is a silly trifle that no one cares about anyway. First, there was communications director and lumbering homunculus Steve Cheung, sneering about the Nobel committee putting “politics over peace”:

And Trump lickspittle Richard Grenell wanted everyone to know that pfffft, no one should care:

Grenell is a special envoy to Venezuela, when he’s not busy running the Kennedy Center into the ground. You’d think he would be happy to see the award go to the opposition leader. It might give him some leverage when he’s pushing Nicolás Maduro’s government on this or that issue. But nothing is going to dislodge Grenell from Trump’s colon.

And Steve Scalise, old “David Duke without the baggage” himself, thinks the Nobel committee needs to give Trump the award to restore its own credibility. Not that its credibility was in doubt anywhere except within the confines of Scalise’s imagination:

If Trump had won the award, Scalise and the others would be complaining that the Nobel people need to rescind Barack Obama’s peace prize to fully restore the award’s credibility. Obama winning one is probably a huge chunk of the reason Trump is mad that he hasn’t, anyway.

But the bootlicking prize might go to Rep. Buddy Carter of Georgia, who told some generic Fox News white guy that because Trump had deserved the Nobel Peace Prize, he would introduce a resolution that would ... honor Trump with the Nobel Peace Prize? What?

We are very unclear if Buddy Carter thinks a congressional discharge petition would actually overrule the decision of the Nobel committee and give Trump his little bauble. The fact that we are wondering this says a lot about Buddy Carter and the rest of the GOP.

A note to Carter and the rest of the merry band of apple-polishers: The Nobel committee supposedly voted on the award this past Monday, before news of the treaty between Israel and Hamas had broken. And given the history of ceasefires and peace treaties between Israel and various Palestinian organizations over the last 80 years, and given that Benjamin Netanyahu and his insane right-wing coalition are still in power, and given that Hamas is, well, Hamas, it is way, way, waaaayyyyyy too soon to be spiking the football on this deal. Some Israeli negotiator could get a paper cut from shuffling treaty documents together and Netanyahu would immediately resume bombing.

While all the ass-kissing from MAGA flunkies was ongoing, a foreign diplomat told The Guardian that Trump’s obsession with winning the prize is “a running joke” amongst himself and his peers. Trump and his people are, as ever, completely oblivious to how their actions look to the outside world.

Trump Wins Nobel Peace Prize For Reading Weirdass UN Speech ALMOST Perfectly!

The whole idea that winning a Nobel Peace Prize was even a possibility for Trump is a total fiction. All his desperate neediness and self-aggrandizing was always going to be a huge turn-off for the Nobel committee. And we don’t imagine that endorsements from the likes of Benjamin Netanyahu and other hard-right Israeli politicians helped his cause. If anything, they were probably a net negative.

But perhaps the decision was best summed up by the head of the Nobel committee, who said that committee members are good at tuning out all the lobbying they get for various figures from around the world to focus on voting for someone who has the “courage and integrity” of past winners:

https://bsky.app/profile/onestpress.onestnetwork.com/post/3m2ttssay4k2h

Ouch.

So what about Maria Machado, the woman who cheated our big wet president out of his rightful award? The Nobel committee stated that she won the award “for her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy.”

“This is an award to a brave champion of peace, a woman who stands up for freedom and democracy in her home country. Maria Corina Machado joins a long line of brave laureates who have fought for democracy, human rights, and peace,” says Nobel Peace Center Director Kjersti Fløgstad.

Yes, the Nobel committee awarded the peace prize to a woman trying to bring peace to her nation, not to the screeching orange anger orb summarily blowing up fishing boats off the coast of it. Imagine that.

There is some further irony here in that awarding the Peace Prize to the opposition leader could, in theory, hasten the end of the regime of Nicolás Maduro in Venezuela. Overthrowing him is a stated goal of the administration, which has filled itself with hardliners like Secretary of State Marco Rubio to work towards that. Ironically, a year ago Rubio signed a letter to the Nobel committee pushing Machado for the award. But Rubio was still a senator, and Trump hadn’t yet won re-election. We imagine he might get an uncomfortable glare or two on his next Oval Office visit.

Trump has ordered American naval warships to patrol the waters off Venezuela, which has made the Venezuelans nervous that he is plotting an invasion. The administration has slapped sanctions on the country. All of this is designed to pressure Maduro out of office. A normal president would see this as an opportunity to further its goals, and would be singing Machado’s praises by now.

But this is the Trump administration, where everything is geared towards the question of How can we soothe our exalted leader’s bottomless pit of neediness today? Hence all the stupid.

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