Make Big $$$ By Showing Obama Your Naughty Parts!

Everyone agrees that Barack Obama is not personally doing enough to fix the American economy. It's well known that he could sort this whole mess out if he really wanted to, but instead he's too busy trying to figure how to get health care to illegal immigrants and worshipping Islam. But now there's something he could do very easily that would stimulate the economy: namely, just stand there and smile politely while some lucky American -- maybe you? -- runs past him with his or her genitals exposed, all for the amusement of some evil British billionaire. Green shoots!

Alki David (despite the fact that he is a Brit, "Alki" is short for "Alkiviades" and not a nickname mocking his crippling alcoholism) is squandering most of the billions of dollars he has inherited from his shipping magnate family on various pranks, because pranks are to the 21st century what commerce was to all of human history before that. He has a website called Battlecam that offers people sums of cash to humiliate themselves in public. He was originally going to offer $100,000 to the first person to successfully "streak" in front of the president (President Carter, we assume, if we're using "streak" as a verb) but then upped the ante, to $1,000,000, so long as the person scrawls the name of Alki's vile Web site across his or her stomach, possibly with feces.

"I have thought about the Secret Service taking me aside and pulling me behind the White House bicycle shed but this is all in good fun," he told The Daily Telegraph from Los Angeles where he is currently producing a new movie.

"I find most Americans are able to laugh at themselves. It is not as if there are any negative intentions. It is just a silly, outrageous prank which is not going to hurt anyone.

"There is no threat at all, it is not as if I am challenging someone to hurl an egg at him or do something that could be perceived as violent. This is a classic (prank) act."

Ha ha, silly Brit, Americans don't ride "bicycles" and don't have "sheds," and the Secret Service wouldn't so much take Alki behind the bicycle shed as beat to death whichever poor sap tries this, and then Alki won't have to write a check after all. So, in conclusion, shove your junk in Obama's face at his next fundraiser or Town Hall meeting, if you are desperate for cash and do not care much about your survival and want to go down in history as the "Soy Bomb" guy of 2010. [ Daily Telegraph ]