Manhattan DA Bragg To Jim Jordan: Don't Start No Sh*t, Won't Be No Sh*t.

Local control is great. Except when it comes to Black prosecutors indicting Republicans. Then it is NOT OKAY.

Maybe by the time you're reading this, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg will have indicted Donald Trump. Or Fulton County DA Fani Willis, or Special Counsel Jack Smith, or The Hague, or perhaps the Klingon High Council. Lord knows, there are plenty of crimes to go around. And if and when that happens, he will be entitled to due process of law, just like everyone else. The Republicans with their bare congressional majority will have nothing to do with it, particularly if that prosecution takes place in a state court. That's how federalism goes, and Republicans know it perfectly well, particularly when they're clamoring for local control so they can oppress minorities and women in "red" states.

Nevertheless, the howler monkeys in Congress, led by House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan, are making a spectacle of themselves in a bald attempt to intimidate DA Bragg in the wake of Trump's prediction that he's about to be arrested.

Last week Jordan, Oversight Chair James Comer, and Administration Chair Bryan Steil sent Bragg a nastygram demanding testimony and documents pursuant to their congressional oversight role.

"You are reportedly about to engage in an unprecedented abuse of prosecutorial authority: the indictment of a former President of the United States and current declared candidate for that office," they screeched, insisting that any prosecution of Trump would "erode confidence in the evenhanded application of justice and unalterably interfere in the course of the 2024 presidential election."

We are old enough to remember when those same Republicans demanded to lock up presidential candidate Hillary Clinton in email jail. And frankly, so are these assholes. But who has time for consistency when you're cosplaying as a roving Inspector General with authority over state law enforcement agencies? Which, by the way, they are not, because 10TH AMENDMENT.

But even if these dinguses were entitled to conduct oversight of local prosecutors, the grand jury is sealed. We know who some of the witnesses are, but the only thing we know about Bragg's legal theories is what we read in the papers. We'll know what the charges are if and when that indictment is unsealed, and not before. But that didn't stop these frothing loons from rubbishing Bragg's case citing every conservative's favorite legal scholar Jonathan Turley. 

But DA Bragg does not have time for this shit. He responded with a letter of his own, noting that New York is a sovereign state and thus "Congress cannot have any legitimate legislative task relating to the oversight of local prosecutors enforcing state law," because, see again 10TH AMENDMENT. He also noted that even the Justice Department, over which Congress does have oversight power, doesn't allow whichever dipshit is holding the gavel at any particular moment to interfere with pending criminal prosecutions.

"We trust that you appreciate the importance of our federal system, state law enforcement activities, and the critical need to maintain the integrity and independence of state criminal law enforcement from federal interference," he concluded, offering to meet with committee staff to discern if any of their queries implicating the federal spending power might be accommodated without disrupting a pending case. "While the DA's Office will not allow a Congressional investigation to impede the exercise of ew York's sovereign police power, this Office will always treat a fellow government entity with due respect."

But respect is not really Jim Jordan's bag, so naturally he fired off yet another unhinged screed purporting to justify congressional interference in state prosecutions. What if future presidents are so afraid of elected prosecutors that they bend over backwards to accommodate "blue" states? What if the Secret Service shoots the New York County Sheriff when he comes to arrest Peepaw Spray Tan? What if Congress decides to get rid of all campaign finance laws so they can't form the basis of any state prosecutions? What if the Manhattan DA is using federal dollars to do LOCK HER UPS to Donald Trump, and it gives Jim Jordan a rage boner which is, like, so embarrassing and he can't get up from the dais and he has to stay there for hours? That is legitimate legislative purpose, dammit!

"The Committee on the Judiciary has an interest in the fair and evenhanded application of justice at both the state and federal level," the Republican politicians insist, in the same letter where they accuse the DA of "conclusory and unconvincing" reasoning.

Well, it's fun to say stupid shit in a letter you can throw up on the internet. It's less fun to get your ass kicked by Jake Tapper when you go on teevee to explain how local control is bad actually when it's a Black prosecutor in New York indicting a Republican.

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Comer insisted that any violation of election law should be investigated on the federal level — something he will no doubt change his tune about if the grand jury empaneled to investigate Trump's role in the Capitol Riot and state electors plot leads to an indictment. When Tapper pointed out that the DA is allegedly investigating Trump for falsification of business records, a state crime, Comer responded that the prosecution was inherently political and then insisted that Congress wants local prosecutors "to be focused on business crimes, on burglaries, on theft."

We are all Jake Tapper, trying to reason with our dumbest uncle when he explains about the microchip in the covid vaccine.

Let's give DA Bragg the last word here.

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"We evaluate cases in our jurisdiction based on the facts, the law, and the evidence. It is not appropriate for Congress to interfere with pending local investigations," he wrote on Twitter after reports that his office hung up on a Jordan staffer who called his office to yell inanities. "This unprecedented inquiry by federal elected officials into an ongoing matter serves only to hinder, disrupt and undermine the legitimate work of our dedicated prosecutors. As always, we will continue to follow the facts and be guided by the rule of law in everything we do."

Damn skippy.

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