Matt Gaetz Says Mike Johnson Putting House On 'Bayou Hours.' What The Hell Is That?
Laissez Les Bon Temps BAYOU HOURS.
We had a deadly serious post today about new creepy coup-plotting religious extremist House Speaker Mike Johnson. Now we’ll do a fun one, about creepy human ice cream van Matt Gaetz talking about creepy coup-plotting religious extremist House Speaker Mike Johnson.
Florida Man Gaetz was on Newsmax fluffing the new speaker, and he said the strangest thing about Johnson and Louisiana, while trying to sound like a guy who’s cool and knows things about people and places.
GAETZ: Mike Johnson has said that the French workweek we’ve been livin’ on in Congress is over! He’s a Louisiana man and we’re goin’ to Bayou Hours!
What.
GAETZ: So people are actually going to have to work on Mondays and Fridays. We may have to stay over some weekends to catch up from, I think, the languishing that has infected the House of Representatives up until this point.
OK first of all they literally are going on vacay next week. It is “district work period,” but maybe it is also Bayou Hours.
And we can see how things might have been “languishing,” especially in the last three weeks.
But what are “bayou hours,” please? Nobody from Louisiana seems to know. Matt Gaetz is from the Redneck Riviera area of Flor-abama. What does Matt Gaetz think happens on the bayou on Mondays, Fridays and also some weekends?
People with extremely Louisiana last names on Twitter are suggesting that if “bayou hours” were a thing, they would be far more, you know, um, well, Louisiana.
“I’m sure it involves either bathtub gin or bourbon,” said one.
Some are noting that lots of Louisiana businesses are in the habit of closing on Fridays, or by noon.
They pretty much all say “Bayou Hours” would be the total 100 percent opposite of what he suggests, if they existed.
Democratic Louisiana political consultant Andrea Dubé captures the Laissez les bon temps wait what the fuck of it all:
The whole thing about bayous is that they are extremely sleepy and peaceful and drowsy and slow-moving. (Enjoy your perusal of the search phrase “bayou hours” on Twitter at your leisure! You know, whenever your personal bayou hours are.)
And look, also? Let us South-splain something. Mike Johnson is from Shreveport, which is closer to Tyler, Texas, and Texarkana than it is to the extremely Louisiana parts of Louisiana. It is closer to the state of Oklahoma than it is to New Orleans. It is the absolute asshole northwestern corner of the state. (There are bayous up that-a-way, to be clear. But it’s still fucking Shreveport. It ain’t the Delta, it ain’t Cajun Country, and it sure as hell is not southern Louisiana.)
Oh well, we have no goddamned idea what Matt Gaetz is talking about, and nobody in Louisiana does either.
But sure! Congress is going to “Bayou Hours!” Sounds like the thing that is happening. Matt Gaetz with his finger on the pulse as usual.
Or wherever his finger is.
[video via Acyn]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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We Louisianians refer to anything north of Alexandria as "Baja Arkansas," because what they lack in culture, breeding, taste, teeth, or ability to have a good time AT ALL is only balanced by their overabundance of super-religiosity and extreme constipation.
Every time i hear the word bayou I think of the episode of the Muppet Show when Linda Ronstadt sang Blue Bayou. Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony:
"Well what did you think of that song?"
"It's alright by me if it's alright bayou!"
*Statler and Waldorf roar with laughter at their own joke*