Matt Gaetz Wingman Helping The Feds More, Again, And It's Gross, Again

Sorry about your lunch.

Time to check in on Rep. Matt Gaetz's dangly bits.

Wait, where are you going? Come back! Check out Gaetz's wingman Joel Greenberg's super stealthy opsec when securing some company for the evening. Tell us, ABC :

"I have a friend flying in and we are trying to make plans for tonight. What are your plans for later," Greenberg wrote to the woman, whose identity ABC News is withholding for privacy purposes. "And how much of an allowance will you be requiring : )" Greenberg added.

The woman responded by telling Greenberg she has "a friend who introduced me to the website that I could bring" and said she "usually" requires "$400 per meet."

Greenberg then sent the woman a photo of Gaetz taking a selfie with students at Pea Ridge Elementary from a 2017 visit, and wrote, "My friend," indicating that Gaetz would be the friend joining him.

"Oooh my friend thinks he's really cute!" the woman responded.

Greenberg then replied that Gaetz was "down here only for the day," adding "we work hard and play hard," before asking, "Have you ever tried molly," referring to the drug MDMA, or Ecstasy.

Cute? Matt Gaetz? Well, okay ...

 How much for sexytimes with you and your friend? Oh, $400 each, cool cool. Here is an easily searchable image of my buddy the politician with some elementary school kids. Very glad to hear your friend is excited to bump uglies with him later. I'll send you the money digitally to make sure there's a full record of this transaction. Let's do drugs, too! xoxo, Joel 

Let's assume it was this photo from Rep. Horndog's congressional webpage , documenting a visit to the school on August 29, 2017, only because the other ones are so, so much worse.

Some people are just too stupid to do crimes. And former Seminole County Tax Collector Joel Greenberg is definitely one of those people. In May, Greenberg pled guilty to six federal charges including sex trafficking a minor, identity theft, stalking, wire fraud, and conspiracy to bribe a public official. He's currently trying to be as helpful as possible to the feds, and that help has reportedly taken the form of giving prosecutors access to his entire digital life, including the above text exchange.

Gaetz's spokesman Harlan Hill responded with his usual PR aplomb.

"After months of media coverage, not one woman has come forward to accuse Rep. Gaetz of wrongdoing. Not even President Biden can say that," he told ABC. "That others might invite people unbeknownst to a U.S. Congressman to functions he may or may not attend is the everyday life of a political figure. Your story references people the congressman doesn't know, things he hasn't done and messages he neither sent nor received."

"Functions he may or may not attend"? Is that what the kids are calling it now? And exactly how many political figures show up in random hotel rooms to find a couple of strange women looking to knock boots with them in their "everyday life"?

And whether or not the feds eventually indict Gaetz, other Florida Men who spent time at Greenberg's "functions" are probably feeling a little dyspeptic at the prospect of Johnny Law poring over their pal's DMs.

Here's Our Joel dangling the prospect of a "function" with Matt Gaetz to get some media tycoon to come over for what sounds like a No Pants Dance Party at the the home of Dr. Jason "Handy Weed" Pirrazolo .

"You should come meet the group," Greenberg wrote to the entrepreneur, according to the messages. He then mentioned the names of two girls repeatedly featured on the former tax collector's Venmo transactions, which ABC News has reviewed.

"I think it would be a wise investment of time. You might already know Jason Pirrazolo ... but I'd like for you to meet Congressman Matt Gaetz," Greenberg wrote. "Gaetz is a wild man, but great dude."

Greenberg said in the message that the party would have "6-7 chicks" and "just 3-4 guys." He then provided directions to Pirrazolo's house, adding, "It's our safe place, all things considered."

Sounds legit. Your circus, your monkey, Kevin McCarthy.

[ ABC ]

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