Matt Walsh Having Heart Palpitations Because US Men's Soccer Team Doing Gay Rainbow Flag Thingie

America's manly conservative white men have found a new thing to blubber about.

The midterms are over, so now conservative Republican white guy types can get back to what really matters: litterboxes and the children who use them.

Just kidding, litterboxes are so October. They have a new thing.

The US men's soccer team is going to have a rainbow on its crest during certain parts of the World Cup in Qatar. It is a direct response to fucked up, vicious anti-LGBTQ laws in that country, and human rights concerns in general. This is the most important thing ever, to big tough alpha white conservative guys. And having yelping conniptions about things like this is very popular with the American people, as we saw from last week's midterm results.

Here is Matt Walsh, a man whose boss is Ben Shapiro, whatever that is like, and he is WOW upset. Is that rainbow crest treason? Sure why not, if you are so weak inside that some rainbow colors on an insignia give you heart palpitations, then yes, sure, you betcha.

“The corporate gay pride stuff is just sheep’s blood on the door signaling that they are the chosen people so the angel of cancellation passes them over."

Is that why they do it? Also is that a proper use of Passover as a metaphor, or is that kind of antisemitic?

“But as far as symbolism goes, I think it is appropriate that they should change the colors of the American flag with the colors of the LGBT flag.

“I mean, it’s horrendous, it’s traitorous, it’s treasonous — if I was in charge of the country, they wouldn’t be allowed back into the country — but it’s also appropriate."

The US men's soccer team shouldn't be allowed back in America? Because rainbow?

“Because the LGBT nation, LGBTistan we may call it,

May we?

is, after all, the country that corporate America as well as the United States government seeks to represent.

"Now, I've often said that the alphabet club is a religious cult. And it is that, certainly. But maybe, on second thought, it's better understood in this way, as a country. It has its own flag, its own national holidays, its own myths and traditions, its own sports teams, and it has its own government too, which is formerly known as the United States government.

“Now some people predict that we will eventually in the future become two countries, there’s going to be some civil war."

The one with the gays and the government and the corporations vs. the one with Matt Walsh in it?

All of this is just excessively normal and well-adjusted, by the way.

"What does your dad do all day?" "Rages at   transgender children and says Black Little Mermaids are unscientific and talks about how teenage girls are made for getting pregnant." "Oh, huh. OK, well, my dad is normal."

"But the point is we’re already two countries. There’s one that salutes the Pride flag and despises the American flag, and one that salutes the American flag and has no use for the Pride flag."

What about the one that loves both of them — no, we mean actually loves the American flag, like a grown-up — and thinks dumb conservative white losers humping the flag while Lee Greenwood provides the soundtrack, while simultaneously supporting a political movement that seeks to impose white fascist Christianity on the rest of us, is just about the most anti-American thing we've ever fucking heard?

“At this point, it’s only a matter of making the split official, I suppose. Something that we will probably never do, but we should.” – Daily Wire host Matt Walsh, on the rainbow crest adopted by Team USA for the World Cup.

Cool, we get all the cities and the infrastructure and the shipping routes and the culture and the military and the woke corporations ( i.e. all the companies that matter) and the rivers and the tax revenue and the education and the people who are good and funny and nice and true and Matt Walsh's country gets whatever's left.

Have fun never driving in to Nashville from the suburbs ever again, weirdo. ( The Daily Wire losers live in the Nashville area, because Los Angeles was too woke or something. Nashville is also an extremely blue city full of people who hate them, despite how it has been gerrymandered out of electoral existence. Ben Shapiro moved to south Florida.)

To review: Matt Walsh is having a weapons-grade toddler meltdown about the US Men's World Cup Soccer team putting rainbow colors on its crest. That is the grown man activity he is engaging in this week.

If you are desperately seeking another allegedly alpha type white conservative guy shitting his Underoos over this, Jesse Kelly from iHeart is inconsolable, claiming some veteran friend of his is blubbering at him on text about it, saying things like this:

KELLY: Screw this country. I wish I'd never served. Jesse. This is not what I fought for. This is not what we fought for. I'm ashamed I ever fought for this. This is a despicable country that deserves whatever it gets.

OK. Does it make the military stronger or weaker, to have guys in the corner hyperventilating about rainbow flags on soccer jerseys?

Jesse Kelly immediately described what his friend looks like with his shirt off:

And I want to make sure you understand something. If you ever saw him shirtless and I hope you don't, but if you ever saw him shirtless, you would see the biggest – it's actually really cool – all black and white, biggest American flag on his left pec you've ever seen.

Okeydoke. Now we know about Jesse Kelly's upset friend's patriot nipples. Important info.

Kelly just blabbered on and on and on, and by the end he was saying that "I will be actively rooting against Team USA. I'll pick another country that doesn't embrace this degeneracy at the World Cup," because that is what men like this have been reduced to. Reduced to rooting against soccer teams and their own country because we guess they are worried it will make them or other people gay.

Totally normal, these are definitely the kinds of guys we want influencing America's children, guys who become actively hysterical when they see rainbow shapes on soccer jerseys.

[ Media Matters / Media Matters ]

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