Mazie Hirono Dickpunches Bill Barr In The Teeth, Doesn't Even Say 'Aloha'

This is the best video you will ever see this week.

There were a lot of takeaways in today's hearing with Bill Barr at the Senate Judiciary Committee. He will lie to your face about anything and everything, and he'll do it under oath. He doesn't recall the answer to what he had for breakfast this morning, much less when he first heard that the press had Robert Mueller's letter to him about how bad he was fucking up the Mueller Report. (The correct answer is "yesterday," because it was yesterday.)

He pretends he believes Trump couldn't possibly have committed obstruction of justice, because he pretends he believes Trump was "falsely accused" of NO RUSSIA, NO RUSSIA, YOU ARE THE RUSSIA. (That is not how any honest legal mind considers obstruction of justice, and it's not fucking REMOTELY what the Mueller Report says. )

He thinks it's OK that Trump tried to make Don McGahn fire Mueller, because Trump said the magic word "CONFLICTS." Apparently according to the legal gremlins who live in Bill Barr's asshole, the president can fire anybody he wants in order to obstruct justice, as long as he makes up stories about how that person has "conflicts of interest," which in this case amount to the fact that one time Robert Mueller wasn't using a Trump club very much and asked for a partial refund of his membership dues.

Hell, Senator Kamala Harris got Barr to admit he hadn't even examined the underlying evidence of Mueller's work, before deciding Mueller is a great big dumbass and overturning his conclusions. And why? BECAUSE CRIME IS FINE, AS LONG AS TRUMP IS COMMITTING IT.

But the moment that's sticking in our mind from today's hearing is MAZIE. Oh my God, Mazie Hirono used the first two-thirds of her questioning time to read Barr for the filth he is, and in so doing was the voice of every American who is so pissed off at this shitshow they're spitting nails.

Watch the whole thing:

Full exchange between Senator @maziehirono and Attorney General William Barr: "You did exactly what I thought you'd… https://t.co/OgEInmBh6E

— CSPAN (@CSPAN) 1556734701.0 

Hirono's first words:

The American people know that you are no different from Rudy Giuliani or Kellyanne Conway, or any of the other people who have sacrificed their once-decent reputation for the grifter and liar in the White House.

SHOTS FIRED. And she was just getting started. She noted that Barr had turned down the job of being the president's personal lawyer, but actually we can now see he didn't REALLY turn it down . He just thinks he gets to do that job, as the attorney general of the United States! Hirono's point was that Barr, in his tiny forgetful brain, knows what the difference is between the two, but chooses to ignore it.

She said Barr had no business overseeing the Mueller investigation, and should have forced Rod Rosenstein to recuse himself, since he was a witness in the obstruction portion of the investigation. She noted that Barr let Trump's lawyers see the Mueller Report before he "DEIGNED" to let Congress see it. And she noted that "thanks to a free press," we now know about Mueller's letter to Barr expressing his concerns with Barr's handling of the Mueller Report, the letter he tried to conceal. In our liveblog, we joked that we were pretty sure the question Hirono was winding up to was, "WHY SHOULDN'T I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW?" And also steal his lunch money. And then punch him in the face again, just for extra fun.

And then OH DAMN, Hirono was the first senator to say what we've been saying all day, and she said it to his face:

You lied to Congress.You told Rep. Charlie Crist that you didn't know what objections Mueller's team might have to your March 24 so-called "summary." You told Senator Chris Van Hollen that you didn't know if Bob Mueller supported your conclusions. But you knew . You lied. And now WE KNOW.

 
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And she's right. Bill Barr did lie to Congress.

Hirono said she wasn't surprised by any of this, and this is why she voted against him.

She finished her monologue by saying Barr had betrayed Americans' trust, and should therefore RESIGN. (Kamala Harris also said in no uncertain terms after the hearing that Barr should GTFO and resign.)

Oh yeah, LOL, and Mazie Hirono also had questions for Barr. Most of them were along the lines of OK fine, we get it, you don't think it's physically possible for Donald Trump to commit a crime. All rational human beings disagree, but whatever . But does Barr think it's OK for a president to fire the FBI director to protect himself against an investigation into his own conspiracies with a hostile foreign power? Does he think it's OKfor the president to ask his White House counsel to lie? (She acknowledged that she was echoing Adam Schiff's wonderful "YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S OK" speech.)

And yeah, basically, he thinks it's OK, because he's a lawless chasm full of gopher smegma who lies a lot.

At this point, Hirono was seriously pissed off (as if she wasn't before) and delivered her best line:

Please, mister attorney general, give us some credit for knowing what the hell is going around here with you.

 
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Mazie Hirono is a true American hero for saying that.

And oh my fuck, Lindsey Graham was soooooo mad! After Hirono said that, he got all pissy and acted like Hirono had just spent four hours listening to a woman recount in painstaking detail that time Brett Kavanaugh allegedly sexually assaulted her. He was I DO DECLARE! and WELL I NEVER! and said she had "slandered this man from top to bottom." Lindsey Graham apparently doesn't think it's very polite to recite facts to a man's face like that.

Bless your heart, Lindsey Graham, this is only just the beginning. Have fun being the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee!

Also go fuck yourself with a rock.

On that note, Wonkers, OPEN THREAD!

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