479 Comments
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Zenon Kuzmyn's avatar

Cleanup on Aisle 9!

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Pixeloid's avatar

I've heard rumors of a false flag attack in the US on July 3. If that happens, this seems like the kind of guy they would want in charge of any "investigation".

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Megan Macomber's avatar

Oh fiddlesticks. Trump and his buddies were just trying to rid the government of any agency or person who might impede the right of American patriots to pursue violent white supremacist domestic terrorism (by far the most virulent kind), kind of waving the white flag for all those PBs loosed by Trump pardons in January so they can pursue their lives' true calling...which is violent white supremacist domestic terrorism. Wouldn't want to get in the way of THAT patriotic fervor!

And now, with all the terrorism-fighters fired, Trump just tripped and stumbled his way into a situation where FOREIGN terrorists are targeting us. From within the MAGA States of MAGA. What to do?

Master Fugate will make an ideal scapegoat when things go wrong. I wonder if he realizes that he's disposable. I mean, look at him. If he doesn't look disposable, no one does.

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Ward From Cali's avatar

This guy's real disability is that his low-rent Mr. Spock is probably the least ridiculous expression that he's capable of making.

His superpower, however, is that he looks quite a bit like Trump did at that age. I'm sure the main thrust of his sucking up was an all-out effort to make Trump go, "he reminds me of me!"

That's not to say he didn't earn it. Can you imagine STUDYING "The Art of the Deal" night after night, looking for just the right nuggets of Trumpian wisdom to parrot back at him? That's a heavy price to pay, even if you're an Incel.

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Monsieur Grumpe's avatar

So punchable.

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Sojourner44's avatar

I suppose it's possible that he is an incipient genius, but I'd put my money on him being a run of the mill right wing yokel looking for a job.

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GlazedHaim's avatar

Maybe it’s me, but an official photo that screams “my mom said I’ll grow into this shirt” does not instill confidence.

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Brian Parrott's avatar

So this guy kind of did what I did and worked his way through college in a grocery store. However, while I completely screwed up, shot myself in the dick and ended up a total failure, this guy becomes head honcho of terrorist security right out of the gate. I have a feeling he is in way over his head.

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Carrie Deitzel's avatar

Is it just me or is this guy someone ICE might profile?

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mfp-6s,7s,9s's avatar

it's someone that john douglas and the late robert ressler of the FBI behavioral science unit would have profiled (they profiled and interviewed ted bundy, among other infamous serial killers)

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Spleen Victoria's avatar

I presume his nickname is Big Eyebrow.

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simpledinosaur's avatar

Well, it must be that the antiterrorism field is kind of like professional ping-pong--if you're past your early twenties, you're over the hill. We must not question the Dear Leader's choice of the most experty experts in the universe.

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dawgkunah's avatar

spot the typo

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mfp-6s,7s,9s's avatar

😂

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mfp-6s,7s,9s's avatar

again, note the extreme asymmetry of one side of the face to the other...one of (along with several behaviors already in evidence) many possible indicators of at least moderate sociopathic behavioural tendencies

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RRJKR's avatar

Terrorists will just beat him up and take his lunch money

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Every time I see his name, I flash to Patrick Fugit, the hot guy in Saved!

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Lefty Frizzell's avatar

Denbigh from Spectre

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