Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light

Namaste! And Happy Hindu Festival of Lights, or Diwali, Wonketteers! Did you even know that Diwali is a thing that you are missing right now if you are not of the Hindu persuasion, or maybe Michelle Obama? Because Michelle Obama, Lady of all things First, knows it is Diwali, and is hosting a ceremony today, in yet another endeavor to ruin the White House forever and ever, with her multi-culti tributes to things that are not about being a proper First Lady, like this is a country with all kinds of faiths and beliefs and diversity or something dumb and ridiculous like that.

And also, Congress has a bi-partisan resolution to make Diwali a thing that we "officially" recognize:

The First Lady will provide remarks at the White House Diwali celebration," the White House announced on Friday. A media advisory said the festival of lights would be observed on November 5.

Meanwhile, US Senators John Cornyn and Mark R Warner, co-chairs of Senate's bipartisan India Caucus, announced that they would introduced a bipartisan resolution in the Congress to recognise the religious and historical significance of Diwali.

The resolution honours an important tradition of Hindus, Sikhs, and Jains in the flourishing Indian-American community in the US as well as those of our partners in India, they said.

Partners in India, eh? Like, the people who we want to do a lot of international business with -- this is a thing to them, so we are going to be cool about their thing? And that is how whiteys like Senators John Cornyn of Texas and Mark Warner of Virginia end up as co-chairs for the "India Caucus"? Oh well, since this is the only kind of thing y'all are really capable of in Congress any more, just, carry on we guess.

Today is the third of the five holy days of Diwali, and this particular day that Michelle O. has dared bring in to the People's House, is all about Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity. It is the day when Hindus put oil lamps all around their houses and open their doors and windows and invite Lakshmi to come on in and help them not be poor. Leave it to Macaca Moochelle to come up with a reason to celebrate a chick god with 4 muscular arms that people pray at to give them money. Whatever, pagan. (Seriously, we do not recommend that you read the comments in that first link.)

(WHAT DID WE TELL YOU???!!!)

We would also like to take a moment to apologize to any Hindus for the backlash this will surely cause, as Michelle Obama has already managed to make all Republicans everywhere hate even water pretty hard by acknowledging its presence, so we can only imagine what this will do for all of you.

As President Obama said in his official President guy statement, and we are sure Rand Paul will soon say verbatim also:

Here in the United States, Diwali also reminds us that our nation is home to many faiths and traditions, and that our diversity makes us stronger, which is why I’m proud that this year Democrats and Republicans in Congress joined together for the first-ever celebration of Diwali on Capitol Hill.

And also, we need your business. Happy Diwali!

[ CSN News / IBN Live / whitehouse.gov ]