Midterm Madness: Illinois 5th, and the Lying, Lady-Punching Douchebag

photo by Dominic Gwinn.

This week we're in Chicago and taking a look at Illinois' historic 5th district! It's a pretty and gritty place; you won't believe the scumbag we actually get to vote against.

In the past, the 5th was rep'd by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who is still in jail for being a crooked bastard, and current Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, also a bastard. Today, the 5th is rep'd by Mike Quigley; he's not a bastard, but he is running against one.

Quigley is a solidly Democratic vote. Pro-choice and a long time friend of the gay community, he's tried to stop the Keystone XL Pipeline, the repeal of Dodd-Frank, and tried prohibit people on the Terrorist Watch List from buying guns. Lately he's known for introducing HR 2884: COVFEFE Act which would would have amended the Presidential Records Act of 1978 to include archiving of social media posts -- that way Trump can't just whitewash his shitposts when he passes out live tweeting Hannity.

Quigley also has positions on two of the most important House committees -- Appropriations, where he keeps an eye on Uncle Sam's wallet, and the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, where he investigates the Trump-Russia fuckery and reminds Devin Nunes that Chicago doesn't milk cows, we slaughter them. 

The fifth contains a little bit of of everything in Chicago: yuppies, gentrifying hipsters, working class schmoes, and some suburbanites ( ed -- Also Robyn! ). Most of the area consists of twenty and thirty-something year-old white people working in bars, restaurants and retail, as well as a good number of construction workers and cops in the far North West corner. Over to the East are the yuppies and people with "disposable incomes."

 
 Chicago city limits shown are not exact. The blob in the middle is Norridge, AKA "Not Chicago."

 
 Maps and charts via Statistical Atlas.

Also worth noting is the historically large Polish and Latino population. As a historically immigrant-friendly city, this area is home to one of the largest Polish-speaking demographics in America, as well as an increasingly large number of people from Mexico and Puerto Rico. Needless to say, many corner bars here stock Żywiec next to the Modelo, Hamms, and Old Style.

Despite averaging 66 percent of the vote in his last four elections, Quigley is facing three primary challengers this year. Two of these candidates, Sameena Mustafa and Steve Schwartzberg, suffer from lack of experience in old school "Chicago politics," an unfortunate and longstanding necessity in this city. While Schwartzberg is the Berniecrat running on a laundry list ideals, Mustafa has been using community outreach to run a very people-focused campaign. If they're willing to get their hands dirty, both could be serious progressive politicos in the future.

Then there's Benjamin Thomas Wolf. He gained national attention a few weeks ago after posting a photo that ALLEGEDLY depicts him smoking a joint. Wolf has been running ads on porn sites, and campaigning heavily in Wicker Park and Lake View, gentrified areas of the city where Gen Xers drink fancy coffee and craft beer after buying oversized messenger bags and purses. After they retired their piercings, people here bought in to high snobriety.

Benjamin Thomas Wolf: Douche canoe

After that photo went up, Wolf was dubbed the "cannabis candidate," and started getting national attention. He got several puff pieces that allowed him to play the cool former FBI agent and Iraq veteran who came back from war and found another battle at home. There was even a forgettable five minute segment on Fox and Friends that is basically him telling Steve Doocey, "Hey, hey, smoke weed every day."

But then Politico had kill his buzz with a story about domestic violence and accusations of stolen valor. 

According to Politico, Wolf has a history of physical and emotional abuse. The story alleges that Wolf assaulted a former girlfriend, Katarina Coates, who was interning for his campaign. Wolf ALLEGEDLY doxxed her, and called then cops to protect himself.

He actually hit me, threw me to the ground, put his foot on my chest. He was really angry. He grabbed my face...There were times I would ask him, 'Do you ever regret hitting me?' He would say: 'No, but I'm relieved when you put your head down so I don't have to do it again.'

The incident ultimately led to him being banned from DePaul University in Chicago. Yesterday, Wolf defended himself against allegations of domestic violence by attacking Coates, calling her mentally unstable at a candidate forum. 

 #wolfforcongressresponse to domestic violence allegations. A lying piece of garbage. #wolfforprison   pic.twitter.com/Q0ICunHVX3 

— devinthomas (@thedevthomas) March 10, 2018