Mitch McConnell Back-Pedaling On Russia Hack, But Slowly Because Of How He Has Turtle Legs

Over the weekend (or today for you lazyboners who do not hang out on Wonkette all weekend long), we learned that the CIA has determined that Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary Clinton's campaign chair, in order to aid the very shiny Donald J. Trump.

We also learned that Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, had told that dastardly Barack HUSSEIN Obama that if he, Obama -- who thought he was still president at the time, isn't that adorable? -- were to tell the American people about this, he, McConnell would consider it an act of "partisan politics." 

Who has changed his tune for the piper now and when someone says jump he says how high? Why, it is Mitch McConnell! Let us watch, together, his slow talking about burble gurble hummineh hurp.

It is hard as hell to understand him through all the anchovies he's got stored in his dewlap, but we think he might have said this:

The Obama administration attempted for eight years to reset relations with Russia, and sat back while Russia expanded its sphere of influence, intervened in Crimea, Eastern Ukraine, and Syria, and attempted to bully the Baltic countries. It defies belief that somehow Republicans in the Senate are reluctant to either review Russian tactics, or ignore them.

Oh, I see. Russia is Nobummer's fault, so "it defies belief" that Mitch McConnell himself told Bamz to shut his fool mouth, and that Donald Trump is still saying the CIA is a crock of shit, and that it probably definitely wasn't even Russia anyway, and if it was, how come nobody mentioned anything before? 

Also, he gives the CIA a real good tongue bath even though Donald Trump said they are : (

Will Mitch McConnell's wife, Elaine Chao, still get her cabinet slot? And if she does, does that mean she has to leave the Wells Fargo board of directors? That would be a pity.

Meanwhile, Joe Walsh (the bad Joe Walsh, not the good Joe Walsh) has been hair on fire on Twitter all weekend about every Republican senator except Lindsey Graham and John McCain and now, apparently (and belatedly), Mitch McConnell not giving even the slightest of fucks about Russia interfering in an American election.

So good work, Joe Walsh. You were a terrible Congressman and a very bad radio host, and just an actual garbage person all around, but I guess you've got Mitch McConnell on jump.

[ CNN ]