Mitt Romney Says Thing, Upsets Wingnuts; No, This Is Not A Rerun From Last August

Remember last August when Lord Mittens Willington Hair Helmet Nom Nom Romney XIV was running for vicar or Lobster King or some such shit, and we would report on every syllable out of his mouth because that is how we roll during the interminable election season? Well it is one year later and not much has changed except His Lordship lost the election and someone else is now king of all the cannibal shellfish, but for some reason people still are asking for Our Man inBoston La JollaNew Hampshire’s opinion on things in the U.S. America, such as:

Mitt Romney on Tuesday warned congressional Republicans against shutting down the government in an attempt to defund ObamaCare.

“I badly want ObamaCare to go away, and stripping it of funds has appeal,” Romney said at a fundraiser in New Hampshire for the state’s Republican Party, according to prepared remarks. “But we need to exercise great care about any talk of shutting down government. What would come next when soldiers aren't paid, when seniors fear for their Medicare and Social Security, and when the FBI is off duty?”

This of course caused a furor among the Tea Party set, members of which tripped all over their own dicks to tell ace cub reporter Matthew Boyle of Corpse Breitbart’s Virtual Dude Ranch for Sociopathic Llama Felchers just how very much they, like the rest of us, want Lord Mittens to shut up:

Tea Party Patriots co-founder Jenny Beth Martin told Breitbart News on Tuesday night, “Romney did not want to fight to repeal Obamacare while he was on the campaign so it is no surprise be would not fight now."

Oh, SNAP.

FreedomWorks spokeswoman Jackie Bodnar told Breitbart News, “I would think Mitt Romney, of all people, would know that the Party suffers in election years when the issue of ObamaCare is taken off the table, not placed as the centerpiece."

Oh no she DIDN’T!

There is a lot more babble like that about Mittens sucking and “Calling for a shutdown? US??!!!” and all sorts of total shock and butthurt that the GOP establishment is not full-on behind this strategy of government by temper tantrum which, quite frankly, has not beenthatmuch of a failure for the right, seeing as how it brought the Tea Party to power even while it made the rest of us bleed from our ears. But as Chris Wallace shockingly pointed out to the human-shaped nullity that is Eric Cantor the other day, Congress is now on a five-week vacation, giving itself only nine days upon its return to Washington to find a solution to this “Are we going to continue funding the government?” question. Considering it can take John Boehner twice that length of time to rouse himself from his latest bourbon-and-artificial-tanning-induced coma, we’re not hopeful.

Yeah we know, Mittens babbling and the wingnuts whining is not exactly news but Jesus Hoptarded Christ you guys, August is just awful. It is too hot and too long and everybody goes on vacation except us and there is not a damn thing to talk about except training camp, and we’re not Deadspin. August sucks.

[ The Hill / Breitbart ]